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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Monday, April 30, 2012

FALL-A LIMERICK OF DISCONTENT

I don't like fall a lot,
My garden has gone to pot,
The trees have lost every leaf,
From the cold there's no relief,
Fall means the summer is shot.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

SISSY WROTE A LOVE SONG-LIMERICK

Sissy Wong wrote a love song but she just could not sing,
Sissy tried to sell her song and sang it on the wing,
So Sissy took on a partner,
In the voice of Tammy Gartner,
When Tammy's voice sang the register would ring.

Friday, April 27, 2012

GEORGE WENT FISHING WITH SOME LEECHES-Limerick

George went fishing with some leeches,
Baited them like daddy teaches,
George got a bite,
But din't hold on tight,
Tonight He's eating peaches.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

LITTLE SAGAN WAS A PAGAN WITH A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON

Little Sagan was a pagan who preached out in the woods,
Little Sagan had a dragon to protect his most valuable goods,
Along came three robbers full of dare,
They could rob anyone they proclaimed everywhere,
But, when the robbers robbed little Sagan
They encountered his fire breathing dragon,
The robbers were each a dunce,
The dragon exhaled only once,
The robbers decided the fire they’d dare,
But, when the smoke cleared the robbers weren’t there.



Wednesday, April 25, 2012

IT IS ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS DAY





It’s Administrative Professionals Day,
It’s cake and coffee to ease the brain,
A management speech from Mr. J.,
He always stares at the clock like he’s insane,

Of course Mildred thinks that she’s the boss,
She’s jealous of Mr. J’s favorite Jane,
Because a month earlier Mr. J gave Mildred the toss,
Mildred blames Jane for causing her pain.

It’s Administrative Professionals Day,
Our kind has a soap opera on every floor,
At least were compensated with better pay,
Then, the guy greeting you down at the door.



Sunday, April 22, 2012

EARTH DAY IS FOR ALIEN ACCOUNTANTS


Earth Day is when on the planet earth,
Alien accountants visit to count every resource,
To tell their home worlds what the planet is worth,
And, what type of trade rules to enforce,

The earth is then bundled and mortgaged and wrapped,
In various financial market makers,
But, someday all the earth’s resources will be taped,
By the alien world resource big takers,

But, what happens when the resources are gone,
And, the mortgage bundles loose all their wraps,
When there is nothing left to steal or to pawn,
Then there will be galactic economic collapse.











Saturday, April 21, 2012

VINCENT PLAYED THE SAXOPHONE

Vincent played the saxophone,
He was completely deaf to tone,
He sounded like Jazz,
But, had no pizzazz,
For pay they would throw him a bone.

Friday, April 20, 2012

POOR BUTTERFLY: A FABLE POEM

Poor butterfly fluttering in the air,
With such desperation and despair,
The snow is blowing and winter is here,
It is the time that butterflies fear,

Unless of course they do not taunt fate and stray,
And, with their fellow butterfly pilgrims stay,
Soon to greet the warm equatorial day,
And feast on sweet nectars beneath the sun’s glowing ray.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

JIM PLAYED THE PICCOLO

Jim tried to play the piccolo,
But, his dim mind would work so slow,
When the band was done,
Jim was on note one,
He needs to get busy and blow.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

ITHE ROW BOAT PLUG POEM

There was quest to find a plug,
To stop my little row boat from leaking,
But, my plug was made of cork and floated away,
For other holes it went a seeking,

Now I sit in my boat at the bottom of the bay,
Looking up through the water at the skies above,
I wish I had taken that swimming class offered last may,
Then, I would be home with my kitty cat and love.



Tuesday, April 17, 2012

DAVEY COLLECTED SILVER COINS

Davey collected silver coins minted in the United States,
He had every type of coin and all the coin type dates,
Davey was cleaver and bold,
When the prices were high Davey sold,
Now Davey doesn’t have to work he just skates.

Monday, April 16, 2012

JIMMY BUILT HIS HOUSE OUT OF WATTLES LIMERICK

Jimmy built his house out of wattles,
He decorated the indoors with old pop bottles,
But, the wind blew really, really hard,
The house and bottles blew all over the yard,
The snobby neighbors gave Jimmy some throttles.





Sunday, April 15, 2012

IS IT EGG SALAD OR THE SEPTIC TANK?

Sarah had a doll house that was painted bright pink,
She put her egg sandwich in it and boy did it stink,
Her family wondered what stank,
Could it be the septic tank?
They dug the lawn up from the tank to the sink.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

LEE DID NOT PAY HIS TAXES ON TIME

Lee did not pay his taxes on time,
So, he committed a serious crime,
He'll spend years in jail,
And, so ends his tale,
Lee won't appear again in a rhyme.

Friday, April 13, 2012

IT''S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH AND THERES A FULL MOON

It is Friday the 13th and we have a new moon,
My Aunt Belinda is showing up soon,
She’s nothing to dread,
Unless she brings her dog Fred,
He likes to dig till my yard is a dune.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

GETTING FIRED ONCE AGAIN HAIKU

Funeral worker,
Corpse, mix-up, mad people, boss,
Undertaker, not.

Car wash, daydreamer,
Much soap, windows down, wax too,
Unemployed again.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A ZOMBIE CAME AND ATE MY LUNCH

A zombie came and ate my lunch,
It was two root beers and Captain Crunch,
I asked why he didn’t eat me,
He said I was too smelly,
So, I gave that old zombie a punch.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

BARKLEY THE BUFFALO

Barkley was a buffalo,
He lived in Manistee,
And everywhere that Barkley went,
He showed hostility,

Barkley tore up every bar,
He trampled people on the beach,
He showed road rage in his car,
His mind you could not reach,

Finally, they had to put Barkley down,
He was too dangerous and mean,
So they chopped him up and made ground round,
Buffalo burger is really lean.

Monday, April 9, 2012

TODAY IN CANADA IT'S EASTER MONDAY

Today in Canada it's Easter Monday,
Down here in the states we only have Sunday,
So, with kind of a scoff,
I called in sick with a cough,
And, made today my errands to run day.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

MOTHER SEES ALL SNEAKS HAIKU

Mother sees all sneaks,
Sneak candy, sneak out, sneak TV,
Happy Day, from sneaks.

Sneakers, joyful, fun,
Mother sees, caught, sneakers sad,
Mother, job well done.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

JERRY NEEDS SOME TEETH

Jerry lost all of his front teeth,
While playing on his trumpet,
Because each time Jerry tried to play,
The tuba guy would bump it,

Jerry lost his other teeth,
Because he ate so much candy,
Now he can't bite or chew his food,
He just swallows it with brandy,

Jerry really needs some teeth,
Because teeth are for more than play,
You never know when you might need them,
To scare the bears away.

Friday, April 6, 2012

A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON NAMED BOB

A fire breathing dragon named bob,
Would only eat corn on the cob,
What he liked most?
Was to give it a toast,
Then scarf the corn down like a slob.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

INVESTING IS NOT GOOD SOMETIMES LIMERICK

I was taught to invest and to save,
It was the only way to behave,
But, things are not sunny,
I lost all of my money,
Investing dug my money it's grave.

MR. TIM THE WOODCHUCK LIMERICK

Mr. Tim the woodchuck ate fruit and salad,
Then he‘d belly-up to the piano and write a ballad,
His musical abilities were self-taught,
All his tunes were quickly bought,
Showing his talents were not a hoax but were valid.



Wednesday, April 4, 2012

JOHNNY BANGS ON THE WALL

Johnny, Johnny you bang on the wall,
Are you an animal hearing the animal call,
Your neighbors next door,
Find no peace from your roar,
Have you no compassion at all?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

EVIL TWIN LIMERICK

My evil twin was born today,
On April 3rd near the month of May,
To my family he is a blight,
He is our evil black knight,
And, he's in my mirror to stay.

Monday, April 2, 2012

RANDY THE EASTER RAT

Randy was a big tongued Easter rat,
He painted Easter eggs with his tongue so fat,
He made colored stripes of beauty,
Painting eggs he thought a duty,
The Easter Bunny gave Randy a pat.



Sunday, April 1, 2012

SALLY WAS CHASED BY A WILD PIG

Sally was being chased through the woods by a wild bore with tusks,
She figured he was attracted to her deodorant which smelled like musk,
She knew he was like all other pigs,
Even if they dressed well, with nice digs,
They were just beast occupying fancier husks.



THE SKEETERS AND MY STILL

In the backwoods of a Michigan cedar swamp,
I built myself a still,
It was a place where all my kith and kin,
Could party and drink their fill,

But, then there came the skeeters,
A trillion skeeters or more,
And upon me and my company,
They waged their evil war,

And, so we fled the dark cedar swamp,
Never to return once more,
And the skeeters buzzed with a royal pomp,
As we itched and scratched ourselves soar.





THE OGRE WITH THE STASH OF CASH

Pete the ogre had a stash,
He had some silver coins and a bag full of cash,
When a thief would sneak around,
The ogre made a hideously loud sound,
The Thief would run off with a whiplash.