THE FIRE DANGER LIMERICK

I started a bonfire on Memorial Day,
The forest caught fire and I was blamed right away,
But, I told them I bet,
It was a cigarette,
For I let some lit ones go astray.

STAR SHIPS, SKYSCRAPERS AND BUILDING CODES

Randy built skyscrapers way up in the sky,
He built them way up where star ships would fly,
But, it really is sad,
How things went so bad,
Randy was ticketed for being too high.

THE TAXES PAST DUE LIMERICK

My taxes are past due,
Now, I'm in deep stew,
And, I'm feeling blue,
There's no one to sue,
My accountant, to the Cayman Islands he flew.

I BROKE MY TEABAG

My teabag breaks and spoils my drink,
I don't drink my tea so, all day I couldn't think,
I did try a Coke,
But, the Coke bottle broke,
When it went down the disposal in the sink.

IT SNOWED AND FROZE MY PICKLE BUDS

It snowed and froze my pickle buds,
Now my pickle blossoms are just cruds,
And, it's so late in the season,
This cold spring is a treason,
I'll feel better when I crack open some suds.

THE MICROWAVE DISH MALFUNCTION

My microwave dish today did not please,
For it melted and mixed with my cheddar cheese,
And, it was without any pleasure,
Disposing of my cheddar treasure,
And, that bright golden cheddar did tease.

MY PSYCHIC TOLD ME I COULD BE PRESIDENT

My psychic told me I could be president,
So off to the primaries I gleefully went,
But, when I got there,
They made fun of my hair,
I guess my hair didn't quite fit their tent.

OLD SNOOK CUT DOWN MY APPLE TREE

Old Snook cut down my apple tree,
I told Old Snook to leave it be,
But, Snook needed a thrill,
Because dry was his still,
And, he blamed his lost liquor on me.

PICK LOW EXPECTATOINS

It's best to be not very bright,
Or, you'll get calls all day and night,
But, stupid brains they get to rest,
Low expectations,
So, none will pest.

THE FOOD CHAIN IN MY HOME

Although I warned him it was not suppy,
My swordfish ate my baby guppy,
Then, my swordfish just smiled,
He was a pernicious child,
So, I fed my swordfish to my sweet puppy.

SPROUT PRIDE AND THE RABBIT

I was proud of my little bean sprouts,
On media I bragged with my touts,
Then, along came a rabbit,
With a bean sprout eating habit,
Now, my touts are all met with real doubts.

I TIME MACHINED BACK TO THE OLD WEST I

I took my time machine back to the Old West,
Where I heard the living was the best,
But, a scorpion sting,
Made my tenor voice sing,
Then, I fell into a rattlesnake nest.