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Saturday, May 29, 2010

A BEAR NAMED FLUFFY

There once was a bear named Fluffy,
She thought of herself as a toughie,
But, when bitten by bees,
She fell from the trees,
Now her body is swollen and puffy.

Friday, May 28, 2010

TO A MOUSE REVISITED AND REVISED

While digging in my garden,
I came across a mouse,
But, unlike old Robert Burns,
I loved to destroy his house,

Old Burns loved the mousey,
Felt sorry for his lot,
I might like the mousey too,
If I didn’t know his plot,

The little mouse sneaks in my house,
He contaminates my food,
He leaves behind his raisons,
I think that’s awfully rude,

The mouse runs across my bedding,
He fills it all with lice,
I itch and scratch and wheeze all night,
And, pay an awful price,

Robert Burns thought that mice were fine,
He felt guilt and didn't wish them ill ,
Burns made peace with all in “Auld Lang Syne”,
With mice I know I never will,

They can send all the mice to Scotland,
To stay with Robert Burns,
He’s out on cemetery road,
With the statues and the urns.

A RAT HERO NAMED SHERMAN

There was a young ship rat named Sherman,
The sailors all called him a vermon,
But, when the ship caught on fire,
And, things looked real dire,
He saved all but himself said the sermon.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

THERE WAS A FRENCH POODLE NAMED DORIS-Limerick

There was a French poodle named Doris,
She fell in love with a dash hound named Morris,
But, Morris did not care,
He had affair after affair,
Making Doris just part of his chorus.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

MOW THE GRASS

It’s the time of the year to mow the grass,
Although I’d rather just take a pass,
My mower don’t run,
It’s hot in the sun,
The bugs bite me all over my mass.

Mowing the grass is a mortal sin,
It will just grow right back again,
If my heart has an attack,
I'll never grow back,
So, why not let the long grass win?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

BASIL AND HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW LIMERICK

The thing that old Basil feared the very most,
Was when his mother-in-law became a ghost,
She would not go away,
She stayed night and day,
She used his mistress’s body as a host.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

THERE WAS A FAT PIG NAMED DAVEY

There was a fat pig named Davey,
He ate pork sausage and gravey,
He once ran out of food,
Became a real skinny dude,
Then, bought all his cloths at Old Navy.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

A NANTUCKET LIMERICK

Sometimes you feel you should write rhymes with Nantucket,
I thought so today and then I said "Duck It",
Who likes the East anyway?
I will visit not stay,
I'd rather be home with my beer in a bucket.

Monday, May 10, 2010

MR. PURSE DRIVES A HEARSE

There was an old fella named Mr. Purse,
He worked every Tuesday driving a hearse,
He ran clear off the road,
Out the back went his load,
Seems old Purse had hit the reverse.

Mr. Purse drove a hearse for the dead,
From the parlor to the graveyard he tread,
He drove really bad,
Many accidents he had,
"It's good you only die once", people said.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

THE MOTHER'S DAY LIMERICKS

By Leigh Collin Brandt

Behind the flowers in pots of clay,
Behind the smiles while children play,
There is no other,
Like your mother,
Give her praise on Mother's Day.

No matter what other's smirk and say,
It's mom's encouragement you'll obey,
She won't talk you down,
She'll turn round your frown,
Celebrate her on Mother's Day.

Though years have past and you've grown apart,
There's a day each year that you can re-start,
Just contact and say,
Happy Mother's Day,
Once said then the words heal your heart.

THE FARMER IN THE DELL 2010-Limerick

There was a farmer who lived in a dell,
For him things did not go very well,
His pigs all had fleas,
The winter froze out his bees,
The farmer finally decided to sell.

The farmer in the dell owed money to the bank,
He could never repay it so, he was in the tank,
His stuff would not grow,
His cows starved in the snow,
His wife left saying he had himself to thank,

Saturday, May 1, 2010

THE EQUESTRIAN QUESTION ABOUT SAMMY SUE

By Leigh Collin Brandt
There was a race pony named Sammy Sue,
Sammy Sue did not know what to do,
Was he a boy or,
Was she a girl,
How should his behind swag and unfurl?

Sammy Sue of course finished first,
This situation was the worst of worst,
Should this mare be placed with a bud?
Or, should this stallion be put out to stud?