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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Friday, February 28, 2014

THE LAST DAY IN FEBRUARY LIMERICK

February has found it's last day,
Another month of very low pay,
Will I find a job that's  better,
So, I can resign with a letter,
Or, can I find a barn with a stack of warm hay.


Wednesday, February 26, 2014

THE NEIGHBORHOOD STORE

I went down to the neighborhood store,
The prices were higher than ever before,
I found the main man,
I asked “tell what you can?”,
He said he got married and his wife wanted more.

Monday, February 24, 2014

SAVANNAH TOO SMART THE GREEK

In college Savannah became a Greek,
It was an honors frat so she was a geek,
No one knows,
Savannah’s woes,
She was made fun of for being a brain freak.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

THERE ONCE WAS A PIG NAMED SAM

There once was a fat pit named Sam,
He feared he was fattened for ham,
He acted real mean,
To his owner, Colleen,
So, she decided to sell him for Spam.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

HARVEY THE LEPRECHAUN SINGS

Harvey was a Leprechaun,
He dressed in royal purple, not green,
He thought that he was royalty,
A distant cousin of the queen,

Harvey claimed a castle for his noble self,
He had a genetic test done to claim it,
But, the test proved Harvey was not a royal heir,
His cause had become a lame bit,

Now Harvey’s dress is all in green,
And, believes he is a very great singer,
Although, he sings off key, his tone unclean,
He thinks that with Mario Lanza he’s a dead ringer.



Saturday, February 15, 2014

A VAMPIRE SUCKS YOUR BLOOD

A vampire wants to suck down your blood,
But, he might not do it if your life is a dud,
You must be an overachiever,
Dedication like a beaver,
And, be someone who is not just a crud.


Friday, February 14, 2014

FEBRUARY IN THE MID

February in the mid,
Is when snow-fairies stay hid,
The snow-fairies are small,
Can't take cold at all, 
So, they hide until the cold weather is rid.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I HAD A PIG NAMED PAUL

I had a pig named Paul,
He lived with the horses in a stall,
He wouldn't live with the pigs,
He did not like their digs,
Paul was not very piggy at all.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

MY BROKER GAVE ME THE LATEST NEWS

My broker has given me the latest news,
He said to stop eating as he drank fancy booze,
As he drank rum and coke,
He said I was broke,
Then, said he'd be going on his Caribbean cruise.

Monday, February 10, 2014

THE PINK ORANGUTAN

One day after I had some beer,
Everything became real clear,
I looked outside and I could see,
A pink orangutan in my tree,

As I watched him from my little ranch,
He wound around on every branch,
When he saw my Steele glare,
He waved to acknowledge I was there,

The next day I could not see,
The pink orangutan in my tree,
My stomached ached and forehead throbbed,
‘My pink orangutan was gone’’, I sobbed,

At last I lost my very last tear,
Then, I realized my greatest fear,
For the orangutan had taken care,
To at least acknowledge I was there.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

MAGGIE THE PIG THAT SUED

Maggie was a pig, who liked to really sue,
If you looked at her wrong your court date was due,
She would haul you in,
Accuse you of sin,
And take all that you accrue.

Maggie was an evil pig,
She liked to pick you pocket,
If you accused her of her gig,
She'd sue you on the court docket.

Maggie the pig was a schemer,
She was a conniving dreamer,
She would take you to court,
Then there she’d report,
You owed her your blood and your femur.

Friday, February 7, 2014

THERE ONCE WAS A RANCHER NAMED GILES

There was a rancher named Giles,
He hailed from the British Isles,
He raised billy-goats,
On green beans and Oates,
The smell would hit you once in a while.


There once was a rancher named Giles,
He has used up all of his wiles,
His Billy Goats won't give milk,
His worms won't sew silk,
And, his horse ran off fifty miles.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

I AM REALLY A FISH: OUTFOXING A WOLF LIMERICK

While hiking I met a timber wolf named Sam,
He wanted meat to eat with his toast and jam,
I told him I was not a meat dish,
I was really a fish,
While he was thinking I decided to scram.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

WINTER BEGINS AGAIN AND AGAIN

Because Winter begins again and again,
I wonder in what life I made so much sin,
The snow never stops,
It's too cold to brew hops,
Without beer there is no way to win.