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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Friday, January 30, 2015

JERRY’S BALLAD

Jerry plays the clarinet,
He plays so bad his mom’s upset,
The band gave him the boot,
Took back his band suit,
Now, he fishes for crabs with a net.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

THE WILD PIG TOOK MY CANNED GOODS

A wild pig chased me through the woods,
He wanted to eat my veggie canned goods,
When he was a few feet away,
I gave in to him that day,
Wild pigs are nothing but hoods.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

TERRY HAD TINY TOES

Terry had really tiny toes,
And every winter they got froze,
No winter sports,
He played inside on courts,
But, every spring outside he goes.

Monday, January 26, 2015

I WENT TO LONDON TO COOK FOR THE QUEEN

I went to London to cook for the queen,
She liked my firm grits and my crawdads were clean,
And, she said my rock bass,
Added a real touch of class,
Yet, my root-crops looked a trifle obscene.


THE GREEN GOBLIN NAMED SNOOKI BEAR

There was a green goblin named Snooki Bear,
He liked to give the village a scare,
Then, a leprechaun named O'Malley,
Fought Snooki Bear in an alley,
And, pulled out all of the goblin's nose hair. 

A WEASEL NAMED WILLIE

There was a weird weasel named Willie,
When seen he'd often seem silly,
He'd bark like a dog,
Then, grunt like a hog,
And, dress in a skirt like aunt Millie.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

PHYLLIS HAD A PURPLE PONEY

My wife Phyllis had a purple pony,
It ate and ate all day,
It gave affections that were phony,
When She gave a cooing Bray,

I did not like the purple pony,
I did not like her at all,
It ate well while we ate baloney,
And, it kicked down our best stall,

It cost so much to keep the purple pony beast,
We had no money on which to live,
We lived with famine while the monster had feast,
There was no more that I could give,

So, we mortgaged up the farm,
And, spent every cent we could earn,
Just to feed that awful pony,
She ate like we had money to burn,

Finally, I had had enough,
And left my wife and her purple mare,
I had lost my farm and all my stuff,
And, that purple pony did not care.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

MY FAVORITE JELLYBEANS LIMERICK

The Jellybean Mean by lcb.
I went and bought some jellybeans,
There were reds, and blues, yellows and greens,
But, the purples were the treat,
They were more sour than sweat,
And, rare as defined by any means.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

VINCENT THE BARTENDER LIMERICKS

Vincent the bartender didn't think so clear,
He used a recipe to poor a cheap beer,
Instead of tapping a beer keg,
He mixed bourbon and nutmeg,
The popularity soon made bourbon real dear.

Vincent the bartender just lost his job,
His drinks were too strong said the boss-owner Bob,
Thus, the profits were low,
Vincent just had to go,
Weaker drinks made the customers sob.


Tuesday, January 20, 2015

PERCY WRITES LIMERICKS

Percy is a limerick writer,
He's an artist not a fighter,
But, his lines do not rhyme,
And, his meter's off time,
His whole mind could be a lot brighter.

Sir Percy never had a thought,
His school papers he always bought,
His family had money,
So, his outlook was sunny,
He sold mortgages 'til he was caught.

Monday, January 19, 2015

RANDY THE CINNAMON BUN

There was a cinnamon bun named Randy,
His owner was a young girl named Candy,
Randy tried to jump free,
But, got really dirty,
It was good the garbage was handy.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

MATH STINKS LIMERICK

Billy liked to play with math,
So much so he missed his bath,
And, although he did stink,
He did calc in a blink,
I'm jealous of his career path.  

Saturday, January 17, 2015

MY COMPUTER HAD A BAD DAY

My computer had a really bad day,
My spilled coffee made my Windows go away,
My computer made a scene,
By giving me a blank screen,

I got it fixed but, boy did I pay.

Friday, January 16, 2015

THERE ONCE WAS A PIG NAMED LITTLE LARRY

There once was a pig named Little Larry,
He was a bachelor because his nostrils were hairy,
No discriminating pig gal,
Would make Little Larry even a pal,
So, he shaved his nostrils so he didn't look so scary.


Tuesday, January 13, 2015

GORDO THE DRAGON SLAYER PART III

Gordo slayed a dragon so big,
He couldn't haul it away with his donkey-cart rig,
So, he decided to stay,
And, ate well for one day,
Then, rode off like a pot-bellied pig.

Monday, January 12, 2015

GORDO THE DRAGON SLAYER PART II

Gordo bragged he was a dragon slayer,
But, no knight considered him a real player,
When a dragon came around,
Gordo was not to be found,
He ran out of town on any conveyor.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

GORDO THE DRAGON SLAYER PART I

Gordo the Dragon Slayer was kind of a runt,
He charged a big dragon but it was a stunt,
The dragon breathed fire,
It made Gordo retire,
The bad burns made poor Gordo grunt.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Friday, January 9, 2015

MY INGROWN TOE-NAIL

My ingrown toe-nail I can't lie,
Made my bug eyes cry and cry,
It was such pain,
I became insane,
I sliced off my toe nail with a wood plane
.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

ERIC LIKED TO WALK IN THE DITCH

Eric liked to walk in the ditch,
But, the ditch-water made Eric's feet itch,
And, in between Eric's toes,
Where the stink-mushroom grows,
A bloodsucker feels that he's found his niche.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

I WENT TO THE MARKET AND BOUGHT ME SOME TROUT

I went to the market and bought me some trout,
I didn't cook it enough and had a belly-ache bout,
I will never, ever eat fish,
Even, as a side dish,
But, I will eat a pig's feet, ears and, snout. 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

MY DOG CRUSTY (RUSTY)

My dog Crusty,
Once named Rusty,
Will misbehave,
So, he won't bathe,
At best my dog smells musty.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

MOOSE GILLIES BREWED BEER

Moose Gillies had a happy New Year,
He had consumed his own bathtub brewed beer,
But, he brewed it with haste,
So, it had a strange taste,
Shampoo was what it tasted most near.


Friday, January 2, 2015

THE YETI PILE OF SCAT

In my garden there was a pile of scat,
I first thought is was the work of my cat,
Then, standing there was a yeti,
Which made the pile seem  petty,
The yeti smiled and gave my bald head a pat.


Thursday, January 1, 2015

GEORGE CELEBRATED THE NEW YEAR TOO MUCH

George celebrated the New Year,
By drinking way, way too much beer,
He got so sick that he thought he'd die,
Meanwhile the months days would fly by,
He's not sober and February is near.