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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

MY END OF JUNE FISHING TRIP

It's the last day of June and fishing I've gone,
I'm catching nothing but weeds from the lake bottom's thick lawn,
It seems no matter what I may do,
I catch weeds brown, green and, blue,
I think my fish stories from today's will just be a big yawn.


Monday, June 29, 2015

A RATTLESNAKE WAS ON MY DECK

A rattlesnake was on my deck,
It was really hotter than heck,
He asked me for a beer,
I said I had none here,
He bit me now I am a wreck.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

MY MEDS, FEDS AND PRISON BEDS LIMERICK

I forgot to take my meds,
When I made my taxes out for the feds,
Then, the feds got real mean,
Said my statement's unclean,
Now, in prison I'll be making my beds.


Saturday, June 27, 2015

ADAM, HIS TRAILER AND THE POPLAR TREE POEMS

Adam lived in little tiny trailer,
His poplar tree had a structural failure,
It is too bad that Adam drank like a souse,
He was canned inside his own trailer house.

Adam had a trailer,
Under a poplar tree,
He passed out like a sailor,
Then, the tree fell on he.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

A MUSHROOM GAVE ME A "WANTS MORE" ATTACK

I found a mushroom near my shack,
It was growing juicy and black,
It tasted great,
That sealed my fate,
To suffer a "Wants More" attack.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

KAREN THE POPLAR TREE

There was a poplar tree named Karen,
For her looks it was not worth starin',
When the lumberjack came round,
Karen was cut right down,
As firewood Karen is flarin'.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

FARMER THORN

There once was a farmer named Hank Thorn
He grew the very sweetest sweet corn,
But, along came a flood,
His field filled with crud,
Now he looks at his mud flats with scorn.

Monday, June 22, 2015

MONSTER RAT LIMERICK 1

I saw a big monster rat,
He's twice the size of my cat,
He scared off my dog,
Then, slept like a log,
Thanks to my baseball bat.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

BEWARE THE WRATH OF THE ROBOTIC BUTLER

My robot-butler gave me such a scare,
I fired him and I thought he wouldn't care
But, on my brand-new cell phone,
He called up a drone,
Then, I got dive-bombed from up in the air.

I HAD A ROBOT BUTLER NAMED SAM LIMERICK

I once had a butler robot named Sam,
He made sandwiches of Swiss cheese and ham,
Yet, what was real fine,
He made great rhubarb wine,
But, he sampled it and blow up going BAM!!!

Saturday, June 20, 2015

THE DANCE FOR ROMANCE LIMERICK

To find someone to share romance,
Bently liked to do a dance,
He did a polka-twist,
With bent Egyptian wrists,
And, finished off with a rooster prance.

Friday, June 19, 2015

I had a robot I named Wizard,
He was a sentient, eight foot long lizard,
He had a big boil,
Which burst to leak oil,
Which sprayed from his robotic gizzard.


Thursday, June 18, 2015

THE NICE PIG NAMED CLANCY

There was a nice pig named Clancy,
He liked to dress up really fancy,
He didn't get a thrill,
By swimming in Swill,
Besides, he dated a neat freak named Nancy.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

A BROKEN WRISTA FOR A VIEW OF A VISTA

I went out on a ledge to view a beautiful vista,
Then, got shoved off the ledge by my meanie sista,
Well, downward I fell,
Got klonked in the bell,
And, broke my leg, my back and, my wrista.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

THERE WAS A GOLDFISH NAMED DREW

There was a nice goldfish named Drew,
But, instead of gold he was blue,
Blue made him feel sad,
But, he shouldn't feel bad,
A blue goldfish was just something new.

Monday, June 15, 2015

OLD CLYDE FOOTS

My pa’s name was old Clyde Foots,
His third wife Karen was quite the toots,
They had an all male litter of nine,
This to me was just fine,
For even half brothers still have family roots.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

JENNIFER PLAYS THE VIOLA LIMERICK

Jennifer plays the viola,
But, she can’t get a gig with payola,
To support her boyfriend bob,
She needed a job,
She stocks shelves with lemon-lime cola.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

DAISY RAN LIMERICKS

Daisy ran the marathon really fast,
But, the candy she had for breakfast did not last,
Towards the end she was tired,
No candy made her uninspired,
Her victory dreams became a thing of the past.

Daisy ran and was inspired,
By her parents who were retired,
She beat out the men,
It was considered a sin,
But, Daisy ran faster when ired.




Friday, June 12, 2015

GNOMES DO WHAT GNOMES DO

Gnomes are really little dudes,
They play around and have attitudes,
They trample my garden flat,
They torment my poor cat,
My other pets they see as tasty foods. 


Thursday, June 11, 2015

MR. MITCHELL'S CUPCAKES LIMERICK

Mitchell and his cousin owned a lot of land,
So they opened up a big box cup cake stand,
Mitchell sold only a few dozen,
But, between him and his cousin,
They each developed a diabetic gland.



Wednesday, June 10, 2015

A TIGER SAT DOWN LIMIERCK

A tiger sat down in my dining room,
He said his hunger would be my untimely doom,
But, I was thinking much quicker,
And, knowing tigers can't hold their liquor,
Gave him some scotch; the tiger passed out and fell, boom!

 

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Monday, June 8, 2015

THE FORTUNE COOKIE BLUES

I have the fortune cookie blues,
Because my cookie gave me bad news,
At my upcoming weddin'
There will be Armageddon,
When my in-laws drink too much booze.
 

Sunday, June 7, 2015

THE UGLY BUG

Miller is a real big ugly bug,
Who wants to see his ugly mug?
It is no surprise,
Miller has bug eyes,
When a larvae he slimmed like a slug.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

HAZEL THE POLITE COW

Hazel was a very polite cow,
She would courtesy if the bull would bow,
She would always moo “Hi!”
When strangers walked by,
She was nice in the here and the now.

Friday, June 5, 2015

MIRANDA AND HER SISTER SUE LIMIERICKS

Miranda stole Susan’s dime,
Miranda didn’t think that it was a crime,
But, Susan got steamed,
Miranda got beamed,
Miranda healed up over time.

Miranda and her sister Sue,
Fought over a guy nicknamed Heavy Hue,
Now Miranda couldn’t cook,
That made Heavy Hue book,
Because Sue made great dumplings and stew.

Miranda always picked on her little sister Sue,
Miranda was so jealous that her face turned dark blue,
But, Sue was a good girl,
With a great smile and a hair curl,
Miranda smiled but her real personality shown through.



Thursday, June 4, 2015

THERE WERE THREE BAD LITTLE PIGS

There were three bad little pigs,
They liked to suck upon their cigs,
When the wolf came round,
 They ran breathless town bound,
The wolf got them before reaching their digs.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

I JUST WANTED TO UNLOAD MY FISH CATCH AT THE QUAY

I wanted to unload my fish catch up at the quay,
But, the harbor master said I should stay far away,
He said my fish were stinking up the town,
My boat should be sunk down,
And, that’s where my fish catch should stay.



Tuesday, June 2, 2015

TIM AND THE FISHHOOK IN THE LIP LIMERICK

Tim went fishing after a whisky nip, 
He caught his fishhook in his lower lip, 
Now, when Tim takes a sip,
His drink leaks out the rip,
And, water leaks in when Tim goes skinny-dip.

Monday, June 1, 2015

IGOR HATED THE FIRST OF JUNE

Igor hated the first day of June,
That's the day his marriage went out of tune,
But, by the first of July,
Igor celebrated on high,
With his new wife on their honeymoon.