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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Friday, April 30, 2010

THE BALLAD OF DAN DE VILLE

There was a grasshopper named Dan De Ville,
He would hop from hill to hill,
He gave all the girls quite the thrill,
When he'd preen himself on a window sill,

Dan De Ville was quite vain,
To the point he was insane,
He jumped in front of a train,
They say he never felt a pain.

THERE WAS A HORSE NAMED MR. DICKS

There was a horse named Mr. Dicks,
He ran real fast because of ticks,
The ticks would bite,
Mr. Dicks took flight,
Dicks was one of the Derby's top picks.

THERE WAS A CRAWDAD NAMED CLAUD

There once was a crawdad named Claude,
His claws were overly broad,
If you gave him one inch,
That's just what he'd pinch,
And, off that inch his claw sawed.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

THERE WAS A MAN NAMED PERKINS LIMERICK

There once was a man named Perkins,
He loved eating sour Gherkins,
He ate so many one night,
His lips puckered up tight,
It took days to fix his mouth work-ins.

A man named Perkins owned a pet store,
He sold little pigs but, nothing more,
He tried selling big hogs,
They were heavy like logs,
And, that made is back mighty soar.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

MELVIN THE HORSE BANKER-Limereick

Melvin the horse was extremely crazy indeed,
He sold hen houses to chickens for chicken feed,
He got them great loans,
They couldn't pick chicken bones,
But, the fine print is what they should have tried to read

Melvin the horse sold loans with a variable rate,
Things went really well until such and such a date,
Because borrowers took a snooze,
In the end they just had to loose,
Homeless and broke is a really terrible fate.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

EVIL BANKERS

I went to my banker when I lost all my money,
He said that in his world everything looked real sunny,
He said with regret,
He had more to beget,
From stupid people he thought were so funny.

Monday, April 19, 2010

A MOOSE NAMED PETE-Limericks

Pete the moose was ten feet tall,
But, his feet were just too small,
He could not run fast,
'cause his ankles wouldn't last,
So, a grizzly came by to call.

There once was a moose named Pete,
He was not real fast on his feet,
He ran into a bear,
The bear did not scare,
The bear had plenty to eat.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

THE SNEAKY BANKER

I made an appointment with my bank,
Because my savings was in the tank,
The interest paid was one percent,
More income was my meetings intent,

My banker looked at me really sad,
He said having a savings account was bad,
He said but, if I bought bonds I'd be real glad,
I'd earn a rate of return like dear old dad,

So, I gave him my money he invested it fast,
He said I'd be rich and my riches would last,
His firm had made billions for all in the past,
Their investments were sound and incredibly vast,

After that I went home and really slept well,
I knew that my investments would certainly swell,
But, the morning paper said it was too late to sell,
The investments I bought had all gone to hell,

It seems what I had bought my broker sold short,
Which he did not mention in his report,
My money was lost, it was too late to abort,
And the laws had been changed, I couldn't take him to court,

So, please learn this lesson about who you can trust,
If you trust in your banker you will surely go bust,
He's sneaky and, cleaver and, loves to deceive,
He purchased the laws, he has his reprieve.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

THERE WAS A GIRL FROM TRAVERSE CITY

There was a girl from Traverse City,
Her eyes were bright her hair was pretty.
She laid in the sun,
Till she was well done,
Now her skin is all withered and gritty.

THE FARMALL TRACTOR LIMERICK AND POEM

THE FARMALL TRACTOR LIMERICK
Ode to the famous Farmall tractor,
In rural lands it's a big actor,
It plowed up the fields,
Gave farmers big yields,
In nation building it was a factor.

THE FARMALL TRACTOR POEM
The Farmhill tractor never failed,
Through dust bowls and wars it prevailed,
It put bread on the tables worldwide,
No one doubted it would provide,

Farm families knew it was on their side,
The Farmall tractor was made with pride,
No farm machine will ever be admired more,
Model Farmall tractors are found in your farming store.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

ZIGGY THE GREDDY PIG POEM

ZIGGY THE GREEDY PIG POEM
Ziggy the pig just hated the poor,
When he’d pay taxes he hated them more,
But, he wanted them all to shop in his store,
He sold overpriced crap from ceiling to floor.

Ziggy the pig was a creepy old bird,
He liked to cheat people and didn’t keep his word,
He stole from the children, the old and the sick,
When he took their last dime it gave him a kick’

Ziggy the pig was a bad parent too,
He turned his sons into pork chops,
He turned his daughters to glue,
Ziggy the pig put his wife in a stew,

Ziggy the pig would never relent,
He thought doing evil was just heaven sent,
For all of his cruelty he could not repent,
For Ziggy the pig had a mind that was bent.


ZIGGY THE PIGGY LIMERICKS
I once worked for a greedy piggy,
His name was Mr. Sid Ziggy,
He shorted our pay,
Cheated customers all day,
So, I went and found a new giggy.

Sid Ziggy was the greediest pig,
All the checkout scanners he would rig,
He claimed to be a saint,
So, with a customer complaint,
He’d have the customer hauled off to the brig.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

THE MEAN BLUE BIRD NAMED JAY-Limerick

There was a big blue bird named Jay,
He chased all the small birds away,
An eagle dropped by,
He ate Jay on the fly,
No one helped Jay on that day.

Jay was a really mean old bird,
He only screamed and said not a word,
When an eagle named Heather,
Ate Jay beak and feather,
Jay's screams was all anyone heard.

No one was sad to see Jay gone,
He was mean from dawn to dawn,
For his memorial day,
Nothing good could one say,
At the wake they had salt licks and prawn.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

REVENGE

Vengeance is a lonely child,
Kept pregnant deep within,
When let loose it's mind is wild,
The base of original sin.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

SOLID MORNING FOG By Leigh Collin Brandt

VERSE I
Solid morning fog,

Sweet vapors of yesterday,

Melting into dresms.

VERSE II
The thick morning fog,

Sweet vapors of yesterday,

Melting into sunbeams.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

THERE WAS A SMALL MONKEY NAMED ANDY

There was a small monkey named Andy,
He loved a baboon named Sandy,
But, because of the gov.
They couldn't marry their love,
Yet, they stayed together jimdandy.

When Andy first saw Sandy,
His thughts were really randy,
He asked her to marry,
But, Sandy would tarry,
Then, the laws changed for poor Andy.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

MACY THE WHITE TAILED DEER-Limerick

Macy is a white tailed deer,
She crosses traffic when it's clear,
She will wait for days,
She will look both ways,
That's why Macy is still here.

A deer named Macy eats in sweet corn fields,
She angers farmers as she reduces yields,
They all want her to pay,
She outwits them each day,
Her cunning is the one weapon she wields.

WINTER SLEEPER By Leigh Collin Brandt

The Winter Sleeper,

Green goddess of the forest,

Awaken to the sun.

BRONSON THE BEAVER BEAR-Limerick

Bronson was a beaver bear,
His species was really rare,
He built damns with logs,
Frightened cats and dogs,
A cave was his main lair.

There once was a beaver bear named Bronson,
He moved to Michigan from Wisconsin,
His body was a black bear,
His beaver head gave a scare,
He married a beaver bear named Johnson.

Friday, April 2, 2010

A FLEA NAMED NORMAN Limerick

There once was a small flea named Norman,
He worked construction as a foreman,
He mixed up cement,
It made him content,
It was better than being a doorman.

A flea named Norman was full of pride,
He poured concrete until he died,
He built bridges real long,
And buildings real strong,
He looks on from the other side.

THE RABBIT NAMED SAM

There once was a rabbit named Sam,
He ate Easter eggs with his ham,
When he ate some roast beef,
His belly had grief,
Cause he spiced it up and went "BAM!".

THE SAD LIFE OF CLYDE THE CARP-Limerick

Clyde was a brown carp who laid in the mud,
He'd eat fish food or just floating crud,
He couldn't find a wife,
He was single for life,
'cause the lady carp called Clyde a dud.

There once was a carp named Clyde,
He laid all one day on his side,
He would not eat his fish food,
Which seemed really rude,
Then, someone realized Clyde had died.