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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Friday, May 31, 2013

I STOLE A DRUID'S STAFF AND HE STOLE MY BACKWOODS JEEP

I rode my jeep into the woods and found a druid fast asleep,

He had a magic staff that I decided I would keep,

But, man did I take a toll,

That vengeful druid made me a troll,

And, even worse he stole my backwoods custom jeep.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

TWO PICKLES AND A NIGHTMARE

Randy ate a pair of pickles before bed on a dare,

But, then he tossed all night with a nasty nightmare,

From his belly Randy dreamt,

There was an exit attempt,

Out his bellybutton slipped the pickles with a pear.

THE RESTAURANT DISHWAHSING SNAILS LIMERICK

Owning a restaurant was one of Joan's greatest wishes,

Now that she owns one she hates washing dishes,

On cleaning dishes she fails,

So, she picked up some snails,

The snails clean but, they leave behind gooey squishes.

 

Monday, May 27, 2013

THE MEMORIAL DAY TURKEY LIMERICK

My plumpest turkey was named Steve,

He earned himself a Thanksgiving reprieve,

Not too much to brag,

But, he saluted the flag,

On Memorial Day morning and eve.
 

Saturday, May 25, 2013

MARCIE MOE THE REINDEER POEM TWO

When Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Went swimming at the beach,
The other swimmers filled with fear,
A little kid let out a screech,

For Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Looked like a lake monster of yore,
And, all the swimmers ran for high ground,
As Marcie came ashore,

Now, Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Stood dumbfounded, alone on the sand,
Then, a helicopter came and chased Marcie away,
And, from the beach Marcie was band.


 

Friday, May 24, 2013

MARCIE MOE THE REINDEER POEM

Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Wanted to pull Santa's sleigh,
So, she hooked herself up in the sleigh gear,
Thinking she'd soon be on her way,

But, Santa told her she couldn't go,
And Marcie asked him why,
Santa said there ain't no show,
Since it's the middle of July.

 

Thursday, May 23, 2013

PET PIG BACON AND SAGE SPRIG SAUSAGE LIMERICK

Gretta had a pot bellied pig,

Dan's peanuts it decided to dig,

Because Dan's food had been taken,

Dan made him some bacon,

And, some sausage with a leafy sage sprig.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

THE FLYING SAUCER LANDED IN MY YARD SAGA POEM

A flying saucer landed in my yard,
It really caught me way off guard,
Especially when out popped two green men,
Both were tall and very thin,

Perhaps it was a grievous sin,
I didn’t fight because I could not win,
So, I decided to invite them in,
For a glass of beer and a late din din,

They ate some chicken and drank my beer,
All the while I shook in fear,
What I feared most was an alien probe,
I just wished they’d leave my simple adobe,

The aliens chewed and spit out my best cheese,
After that they seemed at ease,
I hoped my dinner did appease,
But, just in case I got down on my knees,

Finally, one of the aliens spoke,
He said my planet was just a big joke,
He said that my food and spirits were o.k.
So, my planet was spared for another day,

They said that every alien race,
Would likely visit my very quaint place,
The food was edible and the beer was good,
The bathrooms were cleaned like a hotel should,

The aliens stole my towels and stole my soap,
Even the soap that hung on a rope,
They jumped in their saucer and sped fast away,
But, more came for dinner the very next day.




Saturday, May 18, 2013

SIMON CHOOSE THE BOOZE

Simon had two girlfriends,
They both had hair dyed blue,
One girlfriend was Rachel,
The other one was Sue,

Simon's blue haired girlfriends,
Got together and said "choose",
Simon couldn't live with just one,
So, he picked a third choice:  booze!
 

Thursday, May 16, 2013

DON'S PERSPECTIVE AND HIS REALITY

Don thought happiness was a perspective you turned on at will,

Until after he received his very first bill,

After he received many more,

He figured out was was in store,

Don's perspective went from happy to ill.



Wednesday, May 15, 2013

BRENDA DINES ALONE

Brenda would serve all types of hard cheese,

Along with some cornbread and homemade herb teas,

Though she dined all alone,

With her cat named Malone,

She was happy, well balanced, at ease.
 

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

THE BOTULISM LIMERICK

Jennifer ate mushrooms she picked in the yard,

Those she didn't eat she froze or she jarred,

But, with some she got sick,

Because she cooked them too quick,

And, botulism caught her off guard.

 

Monday, May 13, 2013

MOTHER'S DAY CHICKEN

Mommy ate chicken for her Mother's Day meal,

She shouldn't have ate it because it was colored teal,

Well, Mommy got sick,

From her Mother's Day Chick,

Pink bismuth made her sick belly heal.
 

Sunday, May 12, 2013

THAT GNOME GAVE ME A FUNNY LOOK LIMERICK

Watch out the gnomes are coming for you,

They will bite you and eat you and your family too,

They stand out on your dirt,

With their wink you think "flirt",

When, they only look at you as a stew.
 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

MY OLD MARE LIMERICK

My old mare thought she was a superior horse breed,

So, she'd only eat super premium horse feed,

Then, she read the ingredient on the sack,

And, had a major heart attack,

For the ingredient was just ground up ragweed.
 

Friday, May 10, 2013

WHAT BECAME OF MY SAUSAGE LINKS

I made bean and pepper pork sausage links,

But, my brother-in-laws were both nasty finks,

They ate ten sausages apiece,

Then, passed gas like two geese,

And, said that my sausage just stinks.

 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

THE BROKEN NOSE LIMERICK

I was watering my garden and pulled on the hose,

It pulled loose from the house and I fell on my nose,

My nose broke in two places,

So, with two profile faces,

I change my look when I change my nose pose.

 

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

ROOFTOP TOAD HAIKU


 Rooftop toad,

Hot sun, hot tar, Oh!

Stuck warts and all but, nice view.


 

Monday, May 6, 2013

FUNDING A NEW CORVETTE

I went to buy a new Corvette,

But, found I couldn't afford the debt,

So, I remortgaged my house,

Divorced my shop-happy spouse,

Still, my funds haven't got their yet.