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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Friday, March 29, 2013

THE EASTER PIG

My little pet pig ran off to be free,
But, hunters got him as he hid in a tree,
Not knowing his name was Sam,
The hunters saw him as another ham,
He was served on Easter Sunday at three.

 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A DEAD PIG THAT SMOKED A CIG

I went on an archaeological dig,

I thought I found a Mummy but just found a pig,

He was wrapped up in fine linen,

And the pig was a grinin'

While smoking a hand rolled big cig.
 

Monday, March 25, 2013

AEROBICS WITH EMILY


Emily signed up to take an aerobics class,

But, the time there seemed it would never pass,

So, for an after-class treat,

Emily went out to eat,

And added a bit more to her mass.

Friday, March 22, 2013

FREE TEA WARNING

John liked to turn plants in his yard into tea,

Unfortunately, one plant was poison ivy,

John's eyeballs swelled tight,

His skin was all blight,

His core temperature reached one hundred and three.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

SWIMMING ON THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING

It is the first day of spring and I'd like to go swimming,
But, the lake is froze over so my prospects are dimming,
A cold front is moving in,
So. there is no way I can win,
Except on my ice boat wind skimming.

Fashion Duck went swimming on the first day of spring,
But, it was really cold and he  was froze wing to wing,
He was soon on the very brink,
Of being an iced duck that would sink,
To stay afloat he shed his wallet and his bling.

Old George always went swimming on springs very first day,
He liked to swim clear across the great Sutton's Bay,
But, it was way too cold out this year,
He didn't make it halfway past the pier,
He should be thawed out in the late part of May.



Sunday, March 17, 2013

IT IS ST. PATRICKS DAY WAY UP IN CANADA

It is St. Patrick's Day way up in Canada,
When big foot monsters dye themselves green,
Then parade with their kilts and their bagpipes,
And, select a big foot St. Patrick's Day Queen,

It is St. Patrick's day way up in Canada,
When all the leprechauns run far, far away,
Because for the big foots way up in Canada,
Leprechauns, are the main course on St. Patrick's Day.

Friday, March 15, 2013

HANDLING A RATTLESNAKE BITE WHILE DRIVING

Sam drove down the road to deliver a keg,
When a rattlesnake crawled up his right leg,
A bite made Sam's eyes fill up with tears,
As he drove off the road with his keg of beers,

Of course there was a really terrible crash,
The snake crawled away leaving Sam's head in the dash,
Now, Sam was a hero at least some legends say,
For not one drop of beer was lost on that day,

Now all were happy that the keg was not lost,
Although, poor Sam paid a terrible cost,
So, when driving and up your leg crawls a rattlesnake,
Just ease up on the gas and tap down on the brake.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

NOSE-FIRE

Peter the dragon blew no fire with his roar,

Out of his mouth came spit and nothing much more,

But, out of his nose,

Came great flames with his blows,

When Peter had a cold he could melt iron ore.


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

DAN THE UNWELCOMED

Dan is unwelcome when he shows up at my door,

He raids my liquor cabinet til my liquor's no more,

So, I keep only wine and beer,

Now, Dan won't show up here,

Dan now spends his time at his liquor store.
 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

WILLIE PLAYED BASKETBALL

Willie played basketball,
Even though, he was just five feet tall,
He'd go out on the court,
And, was a really good sport,
Although, he never touched the ball at all.

Willie played basketball,
He was short but, gave it his all,
And, nobody cared,
No laughter was spared,
When, poor Willie from the court crawled.
 
Willie played basketball,
He was short but, had lots of gall,
Willie tried tripping tall guys.
But, what a surprise,
His efforts received a foul call.

Friday, March 1, 2013

I'M CELEBRATING MARCH FIRST BY EATING

It is finally March the first,

I have filled up on pop and bratwurst,

But, I will find the means,

For some back bacon and beans,

Add sauerkraut and I just might burst.