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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

THERE WAS A LITTLE TEA POT POEM 2012

There was a little tea pot,
And, it began to leak,
It electrified the electric stove,
That made the cook really freak,

The cook ran out of the house,
As the stove glowed and began to spark,
Lights flickered all through the house,
Then the entire house went dark,

There was a little leaky tea pot,
It blew every circuit in the house,
Now the house is abandoned and condemned,
Its tenant is just one mouse.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

THE LEGEND OF BRAN

I was the one sent to fight the great war,
Against the gargoyles and demons and monsters of yore,
I called upon the great forest trees,
They beat my enemies to their knees,
The universe continues as it had been before.


CRAZY JEANIE THE LIMERICK

Crazy Jeanie was a tether-ball queen,
She could beat any boy or girl because she was mean,
She’d pound the ball into the kid’s face,
Then, laugh and yell “Ace”,
Now, she rules as a college athletic school dean.

RALPHIE SWORE HE'D STAY OFF THE DRINK LIMERICK

Ralphie swore that he’d stay off the drink,
It would have gone well except for his girlfriend Ann Klink,
She was not real nice,
And, with a bottle of spiced rum she’d entice,
Ralphie ended up vomiting all night in the sink.


WHILE MARTY WAS DRIVING HIS ROADSTER LIMERICK

While Marty was driving his roadster,
He swerved to miss and old toadster,
He ran right into a tree,
The crash smashed-up his knee,
The hospital is where Marty takes abodester.

Friday, January 27, 2012

TODAY I GOT IN THE MAIL

Today I got in the mail,
A bill that was just a big whale,
My teeth started to chatter,
My family done scatter,
I upchucked in the garbage pail.

MY DIET DID NOT GO WELL

I went to sneak a piece of pie,
But, a candy bar caught my eye,
To treat them both equal,
I ate them together, not in sequel,
The next day I plead the fifth and didn't lie. 

Monday, January 23, 2012

A NEW MOON THE TWENTY-THIRD LIMERICK

There's a new moon on the twenty-third,
It's so dark because the new moon occured,
I can't see my toes,
That's the least of my woes,
I opened my mouth I swallowed some bird.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

POOR LITTLE MOLLY WET TO BED LIMERICK

Poor little Molly wet to bed,
She was embarrassed so enough said,
Then, when she became a teen,
She was a beauty queen,
She said “embarrassment is all in the head”.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

DON'T STICK A FORK IN A TOASTER

I stuck a fork in a toaster,
To get my toast unstuck,
It worked well when I stuck it in my roaster,
But, this time I was out of luck,

I got zapped and zapped off my feet,
And, landed in box of sharp  things,
I tried moving my arms and felt them both beet,
Because, they were really a pair of angel's wings.

THE TRAGEDY THAT BEFELL MY BUD BRAD LIMERICK

It is extremely sad,
The tragedy that befell my bud Brad,
He ate angel food cake,
Then drowned in a lake,
Seems you are what you eat and that’s bad.

WHAT THE WINTER SOLSTICE MEANS TO ME

It’s the Winter Solstice and I’m so happy,
The days are short and the nights cold and crappy,
Today I froze off my nose,
My fingers and toes,
My body is peeling and scrappy.

Friday, January 20, 2012

TO A SPOUSE LIMERICK

What a wicked wooly beastie,
She licks her plate at every feastie,
She sleeps with a cat and a dog,
I sleep outside on a log,
I guess that she likes me the leastie.

THE TWO CHICKENS TALK LIMERICK

This morning I heard two chickens squawk,
Then, their squawking seemed to turn to talk,
But, what did they say?
Was it goodnight or good day?
I don’t know because they were speaking in hawk.





Thursday, January 19, 2012

TOE JAM JEFF

Jeff lives off the fat of the land,
In his old job he was summarily canned,
He made macaroni with bows,
With the jams from his toes,
But, some of his jams were loaded with sand.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

WOOD CLOCK FALLS DOWN HAIKU

Wall clock falls down, crash, Splintered wood, glass chards, big mess,
Replaced, clock, plastic.

TAKE TIME TO CASTIGATE THE ONES THAT YOU LOVE LIMERICK

Take time to castigate the ones that you love,
Don’t give them a hand just give them a shove,
Blame them for you troubles,
For the real estate market bubbles,
Your loved ones are in the way of your reward up above.

Friday, January 13, 2012

HERE COME THE IDES

On January 13th, here come the Ides,
I’m not sure if you get low or high tides,
The best thing to do,
Is go to the zoo,
And, see if the bears will give you free rides.

FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH THE LIMERICK

It’s Friday the Thirteenth today,
I think that in bed I will stay,
My truck will not start,
I fell on a lawn jart,
And, I was pecked in the head by a jay.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

THERE WAS A BITTER MAN

There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter,
He attacked all in family over the media called twitter,
He attacked his cousin the monk,
Said his car-dealer uncle sold junk,
He even said his sister was a poor baby sitter.

Monday, January 9, 2012

IT'S JANUARY AND I AM A BEAR LIMERICK

It is now January "09",
The full moon looks like blood wine,
I really don't care,
Because I am a bear,
I going to sleep and feeling just fine.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

JEFF WAS THE MASTER OF TELEPORTATION LIMERICK

Jeff was the master of teleportation,
He teleported from nation to nation,
He teleported to Mars,
And then to the stars,
But, he got sick from teleport radiation.

I CAN'T REMEMBER ALL THE BOOKS THAT I'VE READ LIMERICK

I can’t remember all the books that I’ve read,
All the movies I’ve seen or the foods that I’ve fed,
All I know is that tomorrow,
Be it joyful or full of sorrow,
My experiences are the guides and so I’m led.l

A NORTH POLE ELF NAMED HANES LIMERICK

There was a North Pole elf named Haynes,
He was in charge of the candy canes,
When the canes would not bend,
And were straight end to end,
He'd eat them though they gave him gas pains.

COME THE GREAT POST APOCALYPSE OF 2012

Come the great post apocalypse of 2012,
I’ll get my meals ready to eat dinners off the shelve,
I will survive many years,
Though I’ll cry many tears,
So, into the past I must resolve not to delve.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

BEARD FULL OF BUGS LIMERICK

Jason had a beard full of  bugs,
He tried scratching and giving his hairs  tugs,
The bugs would itch and bite,
Jason could not sleep at night,
He shaved and the critters fell on the rugs