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Leigh Collin Brandt

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Saturday, June 29, 2013

JIMBO'S CHICKEN COOP FIRE

When Jimbo's chicken coop caught fire,

The chickens escaped over the chicken wire,

But, they didn't get anywhere,

They were all ate by a bear,

Now, Jimbo's chicken farm's future is dire.
COOP

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

THE FEDS, MY FAMILY AND ME

I got home just in time to take my meds,

But, they were confiscated by the Feds,

My family accused of being reds,

Now, we sleep in cages on bunk beds.

Monday, June 24, 2013

RICH GOT A LITTLE TINY PRICK

Rich got a little tiny prick,

When the doctor said that he was sick,

The needle was long,

 It felt painful and wrong,

But, felt better with a big kissy lick.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

VEGAN NACHO TOMATO PASTE

My friend Carey gave me some vegan nacho tomato paste,

She made it from scrapings from her yard, garden waste,

I don't know what her yard, garden grows,

But, it ran out my nose,

And, left me with a rotten veggie, bitter fungal yard taste.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

THE BAD BEES

I am the killer of many bad bees,

When they bite on the backside of my knobby knees,

They rip flesh by the inch,

So, I give them a pinch,

And, they bite harder as I give them a squeeze.

 


Thursday, June 20, 2013

MILK, THE ALTERNATIVE FUEL

There was an inventor whose name was Larry,

He invented a car that ran on dairy,

Cheese, milk, and eggs too,

Made his car cluck, cluck and moo,

But, the price of the fuel made folks wary.




Wednesday, June 19, 2013

THE MIXED METAPHOR SCORE

I love to mix the metaphor,

Like shooting ducks in barrels in a row,

It makes the over educated roar,

But, speaks to the minions who already know.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

THE HYENA AND SISSY KATRINA

My dog's name was Sissy Katrina,

She liked chasing boats at the bay side marina,

Then, on an African liner,

She met her lover, a whiner,

And, a growling biter for he was a hyena.
 

Monday, June 17, 2013

A FIGHT WITH TWO OR MORE GORILLAS

If you fight with two or more gorillas,

They'll each have 500 pounds over chinchillas,

Their bods are hard as a rock,

And, they will clean your clock,

Then, you'll take a dirt nap at one of the worm farming villas.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

MY ROBOT'S NAME IS NED

My robot's name is Ned,

He's a help unless his battery goes dead,

He is average at checkers,

But, makes turkey-club double-deckers,

I keep him charged or the kids won't get fed.


Monday, June 10, 2013

THE BIG ROCK COMES FOR US

There's a great big rock that comes for us,

But, We cannot jump off our satellite bus,

Our forward road is so clear,

Our future time is quite dear,

We must enjoy life without fear or a fuss.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

THE BUTT COLLECTOR

George had a collection of cigarette signed butts,

Only from the those deemed famous, infamous or nuts,

He had mud wrestlers and drag queens,

Those smoked by stars on silent screens,

The oldest ones were said to be king Tut's.


Saturday, June 8, 2013

THE TIME TRAVEL PEASANT

My time machine will machine no more,

So, I can't the future or the past explore,

I am stuck in the present,

Like a time travel peasant,

Such a mundane existence I deplore.

Friday, June 7, 2013

BACTERIA FIT FOR A KING

The king took a drink from his favorite chalice,

But, the drink was filled with a bacterial malice,

The king was a dope,

Didn't like hot water or soap,

So, on porcelain he reigns from the palace.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I WISH I WAS A LUCKY LARRY


Larry was a high school hero,

Who had an ego as big as Nero,

He said he'd live off his good looks,

And, never bother with the books,

He now has billions while the rest of us have zero.

 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

MY QUEST FOR DIDGERIDOO KUNG FU

I always wanted a didgeridoo,

So, I went to Australia for one with Kung Fu,

But, a dingo gave a bite,

Now, my mind ain't quite right,

And, I hop like some fat kangaroo.

 

I WENT OUT DIGGING TRUFFLES

I went out digging truffles underneath a big pine tree,

I don't know what a truffle is so I picked what I could see,

I found a bug, a can and snake,

A bottle cap and partial rake,

I wonder which one of my items a pricey truffle be.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

THE UNDER-THE-BED BOOGIEMAN LIMERICK

There is a nasty boogieman who lives under my bed,

He likes to chew on my old shoes and bop me in the head,

I know he is a stinker,

But, he's friends with my cat Tinker,

So, to keep peace I keep my complaints unsaid.