MY FINAL ARRANGEMENTS MAY BE STRANGE

I arranged my funeral at the taxidermy place,

They promised that they'd stuff me, and put glass eyes in my face,

They're going to sell me online,

Personal checks, they will decline,

I'm hoping that they'll frill me up, and dress me in purple lace.

VAMPIRE BITES

After I received a vampire bite,

Then I turned a real white, white,

My hope did a sag,

When I got my toe tag,

And got shoved in a freezer, real tight.