I SWAM ACROSS A POND OF SCUM

I went swimming in a scum-pond, wearing shorts,

My body got covered with black, squishy warts,

I scissored them off,

But developed a cough,

I've been consuming cough syrup by quarts.

THE WINEMAKER BRAGS AND PUCKERS

My homemade wine was doing fine, until the little flies came calling,

The little flies contaminated my wine, and then I couldn't stop bawling,

The little flies had put me in a real bad place,

Their vinegar wine gave me a pucker-face,

My friends want a glass of my bragged up wine, and I just keep on stalling.

BACTERIA FIT FOR A KING

The king took a drink from his favorite chalice,

But, the drink was filled with a bacterial malice,

The king was a dope,

Didn't like hot water or soap,

So, on porcelain he reigns from the palace.