MAMA SAID THERE WOULD BE DAYS...

I went on down to the local bar to sip on some suds,

I bought the patrons at least 2 rounds, and made some new buds,

I invited the party back home,

Where they all just puked, and spilt beer foam,

Now I know why mama said, "your bar buds are mostly cruds".

THE ACETAMINOPHEN BLUES

I ordered acetaminophen, and got it in the mail,

I took acetaminophen, drove my car, and went to jail,

They said I was intoxicated,

By some numbers I was rated,

I'll be spending the weekend here, because I have no funds to make the bail.