LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR

My neighbor weaponized my shovel, and attacked some small ants,

The ants were little red biters, and ran up my neighbor's pants,

Like a bloody, daft fool,

He jumped into my pool,

After my neighbor's rescue, I lectured him on cans and can'ts.  

THE STORY OF TORTY THE PIG

Torty is a really simple pink pig,

So simple he failed algebra, calc and then trig,

So Torty quit school, 

Bought a small plastic pool,

And filled it with slop he could swig.