A FLORIDA IN-LAW CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

I drove down to Florida for Christmas, with my in-laws, the three, nasty bears,

They're my wife's parents, they can't stand me, and her grandma; at me, she really stares.

There was not very much, happy fun,

In-law dad, kept itching his back bun,

Grandma made a voodoo doll of me; stuck it with pins, and cursed me with nightmares.

PORCH PIRATES COME CREEPING

My neighbors are porch pirates, who wait until I'm sleeping,

Then up to my door, they come a creeping,

And when I confront an offender,

They don't surrender,

They just tell me my package, they're keeping.