THE PURSUIT OF UNHAPPINESS

On the weekends, I and my wife go separate ways,

She goes shopping, I hit the bar to live in a haze,

It has been like this for many years,

She bleeds my wallet, my eyes bleed tears,

I make big checks with my overtime, that's why she stays.

I'M GLAD MAY IS OVER

Well, I can't lament the month of May,
I'm just glad the month has gone away,
The kids both got sick,
My wife left me for some chick,
And, my boss gave me a big cut in pay.