MY DIET IS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL GEOMETRY; NO MATTER WHAT I DO I STILL FAIL

Somethings make me wide across the belly, others make fat my feet,

I've explored and failed at many types of diets; what should I eat?

I starve and live a life of fat and despair,

I've gained tons of pounds just breathing air,

Skinny folks eat plates of greasy French fries; life is not karma fair.

DONNY DO NOT SIT, OR ELSE YOU'LL HEAR A RIP

Because Donny's diet he darn, done quit,

Donny's massive girdle did not quite fit,

So Donny's fab brand new suit,

Was a tailor's troubleshoot,

The suit fit; long as Donny did not sit.

MY DIET DID NOT GO WELL

I went to sneak a piece of pie,

But a candy bar caught my eye,

To treat them both equal,

I ate them together, not in sequel,

The next day I plead the fifth and didn't lie.