MY DIET IS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL GEOMETRY; NO MATTER WHAT I DO I STILL FAIL

Somethings make me wide across the belly, others make fat my feet,

I've explored and failed at many types of diets; what should I eat?

I starve and live a life of fat and despair,

I've gained tons of pounds just breathing air,

Skinny folks eat plates of greasy French fries; life is not karma fair.