HARD TIMES = PANTRY FOODS FOR CHRISTMAS GIFTS

My favorite gift for Christmas this year, is a big box of macaroni and cheese,

My second favorite gift for Christmas this year, is a can of unsalted sweet peas,

Green beans give me gas,

On asparagus, I'll pass,

Give me a jar of bread and butter pickles this year; that gift will certainly appease.

SAGA OF THE NIGHT WATCHMAN

Mr. Murphy, he retired,

His other choice, was get fired,

He was out of date,

Would hesitate,

Had no promotions, since he was hired.

TERMINATION REPORT

They laid me off for the holiday,

Said they might hire me back come next May,

Why I was fired nobody would say,

Of course, I call in sick every Monday,

Monday mornings are cold, so in bed I stay.

MONDAY THE 13TH

Monday the 13th and I'm out of luck,

No sleep so, my work day is in muck,

I guzzled coffee and got wired,

So much so, I got fired,

And, my car got painted by 12 seagulls and a duck.