HOW I WIDEN MY HIPS

Outside it was lightning and rainy,

And I didn't feel like being brainy,

So I got out some chips,

To widen my big hips,

Watched Housewives, while eyeballs got strainy.

I EAT OUT, IN MY CAR

I was sitting in my car,

Eating quail eggs from a jar,

Usually, I'd be eating chips,

But my blue jeans, won't hold my hips,

I'm now on a protein diet, and gained 12 lbs, so far.