I MADE BEER AND UNCLE DUKE LOST HIS MAYONNAISE

I tried making beer out of mayonnaise,

But it didn't make it past the taste testing phase,

My old uncle, Duke,

He started to puke,

The next day my mind was a haze.

JIM ATE SOME TAINTED SALMON

Jim ate some salmon that his ex-wife had canned,
Tainted with bacteria, it should have been banned,
Jim had the heaves and the squats,
The gray tears and red snots,
He ached in every bone and each gland.