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Tuesday, December 10, 2024

SCHOOL LUNCHES: WHAT'S IN YOUR MEATLOAF?

What happened to the animals in the zoo?
When they closed the old zoo, some animals flew,
Other animals, it's said,
Became a stew, for dipped bread,
That news made many little children, boohoo.  😭😭😭😭😭

MY LIFE IN PLASTIC PIECES

I bought two little knick knacks, to display on my little dorm bookshelf,
One was a 3 inch plastic bear, the other a 2 inch plastic elf,
The bear had great big teeth,
The elf wore a Christmas wreath,
Next day, I found my knacks in pieces, broken by my mean roommate, Ralph.

THE DINOSAUR AND I

I went to see the dinosaur that was living down the street,
I never saw his bod before, just the tracks left by his feet,
I and the dino became chummy,
He liked me to scratch his fat tummy,
Sometimes the dino would pass gas, and nasty; what did he eat?



Monday, December 9, 2024

EGGS: NOT FOR DINNER

I bought a dozen large, chicken eggs,
Inside, I found beaks, eyes, guts and legs,
Near as I could tell,
These eggs were not well,
The store won't take them back, though I begs.


THE PRICE OF BEANS IN MANCELONA

I went to buy a small can of beans, in the Mancelona town,
I wanted a can of red beans, but all the beans were kind of brown,
I bought a can of brown beans,
High priced, but I had the means,
I went home and ate my pricy beans, then put on my bedtime gown.

Sunday, December 8, 2024

UNCLE LEE: LOCKED IN FOR POOL

You always knew when Uncle Lee was locked in for pool,
Because he'd purse his pretty lips, and let slip some drool,
Then a victim you would be,
If you took on Uncle Lee,
He'd finish by sinking your balls, and take you to school.

MY NOODLES TASTED LIKE FOOT BOOGERS.

I got very hungry, and needed something for a noontime eat,
I went to a store, and tried buying a teeny piece of raw meat,
Although the meat came from groins,
The price was more than my coins,
I bought a pack of old noodles, that tasted like someone's gym feet.

UNCLE LEE IN PARLIAMENT

Uncle Lee ran for parliament, because he thought through parliament, he could rule,
There is no parliament in the U.S., he'd have known that if he'd gone to school,
Uncle Lee won big, his race,
But, he lost his civil case,
Uncle Lee tried to establish a parliament, but the judge was no one's fool.



Saturday, December 7, 2024

UNCLE LEE ON SATURDAY NIGHT

It's a Saturday night out for my old Uncle Lee,
He can kick up his heels, for a small price, nearly free,
There's  cards, darts, bingo and bowling,
Romance: there's vacant lot trolling,
Many find their true love, under the hazel nut tree.

JIMMY AND THE WINTER BURST

There was a twisting snownado that froze Jimmy's pipes,
The family couldn't flush the toilet, after their wipes,
It all made Jimmy mad,
His pipes froze, really bad,
Then all of his pipes burst, and his family had gripes.


FACE, ACE, FOUR, ORE: THE CHEETAH ATE MY...

I fed my cheetah Cheetos, then he turned around and ate my face,
He seemed to enjoy the Cheetos, but my face tasted, pretty ace,
My cat is the age, ten and four,
Lives in a cave of iron ore,
I feel like a stupid loser, losing my face is my disgrace.


I'm An Unappreciated Baker, So Screw Them

I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe,
The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe,
That's the last pie,
Until I die,
Instead of feeding the family, I'll relax, and smoke my pipe.

Friday, December 6, 2024

I CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH BELLY TREATS

Every single Christmas, I get fired,
It is never quite the Christmas, desired,
But, I got a nice big stash,
A coffee can full of cash,
I'll buy some pop and cookies, and get wired.



JUST LIKE MY GRANDMA, I KILL WITH GREASE

I spent a lifetime making sandwiches, dripping with grease,
I will never find in my demise, an eternal peace,
I invented the heart flopper,
Eventually, heart stopper,
Now, the nightmare of my great guilt, will not cease, will not cease.

Thursday, December 5, 2024

I'M A DICKENS CHRISTMAS CAROL, EVERY SINGLE YEAR

If I want a Christmas Dinner, I'll have to scrape it off the road,
Last year, all I scraped up for Christmas, was the thigh of one squished toad,
I cannot ever, quite understand,
Why every Christmas, I get canned,
Then I can't have heat, food or lights, and get kicked out of my abode.





Wednesday, December 4, 2024

AI AP FOR METER MILES

My conversion brain, usually beguiles,
But, I cannot convert meters to miles,
Meters to feet,
Quick done, complete,
Seems, my brain's missing some conversion AP files.

THE LIVING AND THE GIN DEAD

Spirits from the undead, nether world, spoke to me, once again,
Through my dreams they warned me, about the spirit cast in my gin,
My newly made gin, perverts mortal sight,
Contaminated with full demon blight,
Too late for me, I'm drinking samples, from my cup of silver-tin.





PETER, TURNIPS AND HIS MA

Peter picked his big, sweet turnips, from the ground they swelled within,
Peter picked them in the morning, and placed them in his turnip bin,
Peter fried the turnips in grease and butter,
Then he fed them to his grinning, old mutter,
She would say "that a boy", as hot grease and drool dripped down her chin.

Tuesday, December 3, 2024

FAILURE IS AN ART

I went to Ann Arbor Town, to take an art history class,
But, no matter how hard I tried, the art class I could not pass,
The teacher played too many games,
Making me learn too many names,
The only art I ever owned, was a talking, plastic bass.

SPAM JAM BENNY

Benny went to a foot doctor, to have all his toes dejammed,
This was soon on social media, now Benny's getting spamed,
Spam was one of Benny's big fears,
Toe jams has brought Benny to tears,
Now, everywhere that Benny goes, his jams will get him slammed.  


Monday, December 2, 2024

THE BLINGING OF THE KING

I went to Utah to visit our dear King,
He was so unhappy, because of the thing,
He had been extremely jolly,
After he married Queen Polly,
But, then she divorced him and took all his bling.

REINDEER CHUNK CHEESE TARIFFS

I had to pay for a big tariff on my small piece of Cheese,
It was made from reindeer milk, and fresh, big chunks of reindeer sneeze,
It was Canadian dairy,
The big price of it was scary,
If I disguise as Santa, I could smuggle it in with ease.


DECEMBER: COLD, DEATH AND PAIN

December days are too many, black, cold and very long,
The spirit who designed December, was in the head, wrong, 
It's painfully chilly,
Fast froze my dog, Willy,
Each December remembered, with a dark dirge for its song.

Depression, Starvation, No Heat: It Must Be Christmas Again

I got sacked before Christmas, and will receive no more pay,
I won't get my Christmas bonus, it's not coming my way,
My kids will get no new toys,
No food for girls and boys,
And, off goes the heat and the lights, now it's a dismal day.

COB-CORN AND THE HAPPY DUDE

Uncle Lee scraped up all the gum, that people had chewed,
People left gum all over, and in places, so rude,
But, it gave Lee a paying job,
Then he could buy corn on the cob,
When Lee ate buttered cob-corn, he was one happy dude.

WINTER DEAD

We all hope that enough winter nuts, we have now, squirreled,
As the dark, bleak drapes of winter, cover our new world,
And, ode to the snow, white,
Covering the dead fall, blight,
While we hold close our others, under blankets, half furled.

Sunday, December 1, 2024

BENNY GOT RETUBED

Benny used green leaves for toilet paper, and got a bad infection,
When he showed his old doctor, the doctor, quickly made a connection,
Some common green leaves, we all know,
Are poison, and cause drainage woe,
Benny stayed in the hospital, while they retubed his lower section.


Saturday, November 30, 2024

MY STUPID LITTLE PONY

My little pony ate a goldfish, now pony has a belly ache,
I told him not to do it, but he did it for belligerence sake,
My pony puked on the ground,
The little goldfish, I found,
The goldfish was still flippy, flopping, so I set him free in the lake.


EYE CONES

I lost all my eye cones, and without eye cones, I cannot see,
All the pretty colors that the angels painted, just for me,
I still can see both black and white,
Now I concentrate sight, with might,
My senses are fine, and from those pesky colors I am free.


Friday, November 29, 2024

TURNING BLUBBER INTO RUBBER

I turned into blubber by taking the cabs,
So, I went to the gym to build up my abs,
I turned my soft blubber,
Into a hard rubber,
I changed eating cycles, and other bad habs.

Thursday, November 28, 2024

MY TURKEY GAVE THE TOWNSHIP THE BIRD

I had the biggest turkey in the village,
So big, that they raised higher, my tax millage,
But, on turkey cook day,
The big turkey got away,
And, the town square rose bushes, it would pillage.

DEER ONLY THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES

I went into the woods hunting, and I found me a deer,
It was the end of November, and cold weather was here,
I fired my big gun,
The deer took a quick run,
I guess I must of missed him, that selfish, fur bag of fear.

Wednesday, November 27, 2024

SOME CALL IT SHOPLIFTING, I CALL IT TAKING SAMPLES

I slow rode my crooked broomstick to the store, 
I'm a witch, who likes to sweep the floor,
I try the ripe, fresh fruit,
And, vegetable root,
I sample the hotdogs, then sail out the door.


MY INHERITANCE ON A LIMERICK

I found an old limerick, laying on the kitchen floor,
I picked it up, and it had ground into it, something more,
It was a fried potato skin,
I ate it, and began to grin,
It was one my old grandma made, way back in '94.

THE PAISLEY SUIT

To work, I wore my brand new paisley suit,
That very day, my boss gave me the boot,
He said never come back,
It was a permanent sack,
"Get your ugly suit out of here, now, scoot."

UNCLE LEE BOUGHT SAUSAGE IN THE HOOD

Uncle Lee was in the hood, buying sausage and pop,
Uncle Lee wore his new shoes that go flip and then flop,
Uncle Lee, then went back to his crib,
He took a pill to help his heart, defib,
Uncle Lee, then grilled his sausage, dancing to hip-hop.





BFF BLUE PIG

My bestie, blue pig, got all covered with the mud,
I set him down in a tub of hot soapy sud,
He let on a big, loud squeal,
Like a braked Chevy wheel,
The water was too hot, and boiled my best bud.





Tuesday, November 26, 2024

BLUE DO IT TOO, PIG

If I could have a little pig, a little pig would do,
If I could have a little pig, then I would name him Blue,
We could buy candy at the store,
Come home and lie down, have a snore,
Then we could watch our romance shows, and share a good boohoo. 😭

ICONIC WORD OVERDOSE

It's iconic this, iconic that, it's iconic all day long,
Everything is not iconic, stop speaking, you crazed, ding dong,
You have hurt my brain,
I'm going insane,
I'll take an iconic nap, then give ear to an iconic song.

Monday, November 25, 2024

THE HUNTER AND THE GATHERER.

I went blackberry picking, and dropped a blackberry upon the ground,
I bent over to pick up the berry, and heard a bear growling sound,
I screamed loud, and then got mauled,
For help, I forever called,
Then the bad bear bit into my bloodied arm, and dragged me all around.

GOOPY AND THE LAW OF DENTAL HYGIENE

There was something goopy, that came up through my straw,
I sucked it from my soda pop, into my jaw,
What a maddening, big waste,
I used a tube of toothpaste,
To brush the goopy away; following dental law.

I'M THE BRAIN BLOCKER: IGNORANCE RULES🤘

Ignorance is what I practice, every single day,
Ignorance is my happy place, and that's the place I stay,
For those who are smarty,
I'll ruin your party,
If you push smarty ideas, I'll be there in your way.

JIMMY'S GOLDEN ANCHOR

Jimmy owned a grocery store, and it was the plaza anchor,
Other plaza shops included, were a pharmacy and banker,
Jimmy owned the land, collected rent,
When the rent went up, tenants got bent,
Jimmy became a billionaire, despite all the tenant rancor.


Sunday, November 24, 2024

WHEN DESPERATE, YOU EAT THE SKIN

I dug taters out of the ground, so I could have some dinner,
Just one tater came from the hole, it was massive, a winner,
But, it was full of worms,
I had come to terms,
I fried the peels in bacon grease, I was a tater skinner.

PSYCHIC THIRTY-FIVE TOES, AND THE BRAIN DEAD FIVE

My favorite foot, is the one with thirty-five toes,
It goes where I want it, like the foot already knows,
The foot with toes, maxed at five,
Acts brain dead, it's not alive,
It really slows me down, giving me scheduling woes.



SNOWBOUND: SQUIRRELS, SOCKS AND NUTS

It's pretty near freezing, and my socks were stolen from me,
They were stolen by squirrels, to haul their nuts up their tree,
As winter cold hits the fan,
Each squirrel and each man,
Know they'd best stock up on food, before the coming white sea.

Saturday, November 23, 2024

RANDY THE TUBALEER

Terry is a tubaleer, his tuba sound is Jim dandy,
When Terry plays his tuba, many sing and dance, like Randy,
Randy stomps his two fat feet,
Rocking to the tuba beat,
Terry the great tubaleer, makes music that is ear candy.





WICKED CHILI

Looking under his chair, Jim found himself, a piece of chili,
It was only a single bean, it was furry and frilly,
It tasted uncouth,
It poisoned a tooth,
It made Jimmy have a  sore belly; his colon felt silly.



PET PARK, BAD SHARK, DOGGY BARK

I got bit by a nasty old shark,
In the wading pool at the pet park,
But, there was a doggy,
He looked after, poor me,
The dog chased off the shark with one bark.

Friday, November 22, 2024

TUBA TERRY IN TUCKER TOWN

Terry played the tuba in parades in Tucker Town,
Every holiday, he'd parade uptown to down,
Back aches made Terry moan,
So, he switched to Sousaphone,
Now, Terry marches pain free, from Main Street down to Brown.


MY SWEETIE HAS A NEW FRIEND😞

My sweetie had a tantrum, oh yes, my sweetie had a big fit,
My sweetie kicked me out of the house, so I sleep by the fire pit,
It's so cold, holy cow,
I could use some hot chow,
My sweetie moved in a friend; by the fireplace they spoon and sit.


CUTIE PIE

There once was a cutie pie,
The dear love that made me cry,
I said "oh, good grief",
Cutie was a thief,
I bid my wallet, bye, bye.

HOLIDAY IN PORTUGAL

I went to Portugal to buy some stringy cheese,
While I was there, I bought honey made by some bees,
I ate some cooked, ground pork,
Drank wine; it had a cork,
Ordered a cherry pie, but it had to unfreeze. 



Thursday, November 21, 2024

HEMINGWAY WITH MEMES?

I'm not good at reading, and my writing is pretty sad,
I can type some on my cellphone, so that negates some bad,
I find rad, iconic memes,
Add them to my message schemes,
I could become the best writer, the earth has ever had.




SODA POP, OLD

My soda was not hot, and my soda pop was not cold,
My soda pop was flat, because my soda was so old,
Most times, its cold and fizzy,
Which makes me brains, freeze dizzy,
That was the worst soda pop, and mommy, I rightly told.


Wednesday, November 20, 2024

CAN'T GO WRONG WITH PAISLEY

I bought a new, clearance hoodie; it had a paisley design,
I thought I would go show it off, at the local dine and wine,
I knew I must look really stunning,
As patrons laughed, their tears were running,
I know that when I choose paisley, my social creds, will be fine.


MEDIEVAL EVIL MONSTER

There was a Griffin sitting up in an ash tree,
His laser sharp talons, sliced both arms off of me,
He bit off my head,
Thought then, I was dead,
I decomposed, until there was nothing to see.

Tuesday, November 19, 2024

THE U-SAP DATE

She gave me a three foot tall of maybes, when I asked her for a date,
Then gave me a two month bout with scabies, she's a zero, I did rate,
My online dating app,
It is called U-SAP,
It has high fees, and feeds off my desire, to find a perfect mate.



BAD MASTER OF THE CAT

I opened up a can of fish, and made some mackerel stew,
I pulled out quite a few bones that I fed to my kitten, Boo,
Boo ate the mackerel bones,
I dined on stew, and fresh scones,
After our dinner, Boo and I fell into our sleeping zones.


I SEE THE CAN AS HALF FULL

Our outdoor potty seems far, far away,
As the cold wind blows on this winter day,
There is the old coffee can,
Half filled by our cousin, Ann,
I will top it off, then inside I'll stay.