MY GERBIL NAMED BEN

My hamster drank water from the Flint River today,
He turned into a grasshopper and then hopped away,
And, my gerbil named Ben,
Drank the water and then,
Became a bear and I was his prey.

4822

RISE OF THE DREADED DEAD

As we summoned up the dead,

All the sky turned bloody red,

With our sacrifice, the demons were fed,

They drank the blood from the severed head,

Then from the graves the corpses were led,

To stalk the living and bring them dread,

While the living slumber in quiet bed,

Making pretty dreams, instead.

PP10102022

JIMBO'S CHICKEN COOP FIRE

When Jimbo's chicken coop caught fire,

The chickens escaped over the chicken wire,

But, they didn't get anywhere,

They were all ate by a bear,

Now, Jimbo's chicken farm's future is dire.

4222

COOP

MICHIGAN STEW AND THE BELLY AND BLUE

I went to Bohemia Michigan for some of their famous stew,

It tasted quite a bit off, because it was very old, and not new,

I had quite an ill belly,

Gassing up, getting swelly,

I got a ride to the hospital, after I passed out and turned blue.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH, BUT I VLOG

I can't tell if my pet is a cat or a dog,

It could be a goldfish, or a tree climbing frog,

I should go to school,

But that is not cool,

I would rather spend time making my video vlog.

AI AND THE ZOMBIES

AI put some chips in my head,

That raised me back from the real dead,

I started snarling for food,

AI said "ok, dead dude",

AI gave me some brains, now I'm fed.

THE BIRDS

There were three birds on my clothesline, and they were pooping on my clothes,

I told them not to do it, but they each turned up their bird beak nose,

I got out my squirt gun,

Squirted them, had some fun,

As they flew off, they pooped on my head, and it ran down to my toes.

21024

ATTACK OF THE VOLES 2

The cruel voles are sneaking into neighborhoods,

Towards the little village of Chewy Woods,

Once they are there,

No shrub they will spare,

Nurseries will be bare of live garden goods.

MY BAD DAY IN COURT

Because my behavior was on report,

I was ordered to appear in the court,

But there was a grudge,

Came from the mean judge,

He said my breath smelled like a brandy snort.

A WELCOME HOME FOR MY VALENTINE

While I am happily preparing for the love holiday,

Until Valentine's, my love has tripped and traveled far away,

Then I'll make a nice meal,

Wear my clean shirt, it's teal,

I will lite and smoke incense to make my house smell ok. 

THE POGO STICK NATION

The pogo stick competition has grown in reputation,

For the pogo stick sport is a hopping sensation,

Pogo stick competition is everywhere you go,

Some compete for duration others, win, place or, show,

The popularity of pogo has triple-digit inflation.

It's clear we have become a pogo stick nation.

022723

BAD DAY AND BOWS

I tripped over my toes,

That started off my woes,

I hit my head,

I went to bed,

For breakfast, I had macaroni bows.

THE TRAPEZOID.

I was watching a big meteor flying at us from the sky,

It was quite apparent that soon it would hit us, and we would die,

Then a bright spaceship appeared,

It was trapezoid, so weird,

The spaceship laser-beamed the meteor, it blew apart, oh my!

I GOT SOME SPLEENING TO DO

I live in rural America, where the bestest food is fried spleen,

We eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and all meals in between,

I like for a munchy,

Fried spleen that is crunchy,

If you eat spleen far to often, you will find your gills turning green.

2924

THE YEAR OF THE DRAGON

It's the Year Of The Dragon, and I have nowhere for him to sleep,

 If he stays within these, my walls, it will be in the castle keep,

What does he like to eat?

What's his favorite meat?

I have lot's of peasant villagers, that are calling me a creep.

FEEDING A MICHIGAN WOLVERINE

A wolverine barged through my door, looking for something to eat,

I fixed him a stack of pancakes, but he wanted only meat,

I took him to the grocery store,

I bought him  chicken, and beef and more,

I bought him some thick, smoked bacon for an after dinner treat.

2924

THE LAND OF FAIRIES AND LONG TONGUED FROGS

When I was young, I lived in the land of fairies,

We ate pumpkin seeds, and golden raspberries,

We avoided cats and dogs,

And all the longer tongued frogs,

I lived years in that world, where nothing varies.

WHAT ATE MY PRETTY BEAR

I was delirious, and had a real bad scare,

A wolverine attacked and ate my pretty bear,

My bear I called  Honey,

He was nice, and funny,

That bad wolverine caused me sadness and despair.

THE VOLE AND THE TIKI TORCH

There was a little vole sitting on my porch,

He said he had been chewing on my neighbors tiki torch,

Vole said if he wanted real grub,

He'd chew the bark off my shrub,

He said that tiki flames gave his fur a scorch.

THE VOLES ARE COMING

My home has been overrun by cruel voles,

The cruel voles have nefarious goals,

They have a bear army,

Most vicious, not charmy,

Seizing my hen house, while harvesting souls.

MOUSE BE NIMBLE, MOUSE BE QUICK, OR IN THE GLUE TRAP YOU WILL STICK

Little Ginger was a furry,

She was a mouse not in a hurry,

She moved slowly, tap tap,

Got stuck in a glue trap,

Then the furry started to worry.

10522

THE TRINKET POEM II

I went buying trinkets with my little sister Sue,

We could have bought a car with all the money we blew,

We stopped for burgers and fries,

It took a couple of tries,

They gave me a ketchup packet, with an extra two.

THE TRINKET POEM

I went to the dollar store, and bought some trinkets, on sale.

Ten little tin milk maidens, each carrying a tin pail,

I took my trinkets home,

Wrote this trinket poem,

I'll next eat a little salad made lettuce and kale.

THE LITTLE DOG WITH STINKY BREATH LIMERICKS

A little dog’s breath was really bad,
No one would pet him, rub his belly: so sad,
So, the little dog brushed his teeth well,
Used a mouthwash with a strong smell,
Now his owners treat him like they’re his mom and his dad.

A little dog had breath that just stunk,
The little dog was avoided like a skunk,
The little dog was no dope,
He washed his mouth out with soap,
Then, his mouth just smelled like soapy gunk.

52321

THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS II

My parrot would fly, and knock over ma's high priced lamps,

Parrot scratched cousin Paul, and bit the ear off poor gramps,

What a criminal mind,

Common with his winged kind,

I chased Parrot out the door, he can go live with tramps.

THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS

I have a sneaky canary named Chirp,

He steals things, so he is a perp,

He stole my popcorn,

For his cage, to adorn,

I locked his cage; he hated it, the twerp

Living For Free In A Tiny Dump

Moss growing on my doors,

Mushrooms growing from my floors,

Methinks my shack has had enough,

The leaky roof has ruined my stuff,

Still, my squat is free and beer sells next door.

MY NEIGHBORHOOD

Some of my neighbors live in tree houses; not safe from the big bad cat,

Some neighbors live in tunnels, with family members packed in like the rat,

Some of my neighbors live in a lean-to, just loose boards leaned against a tree,

I live out in the open, easy prey, but at least I feel free,

Rich neighbors live in abandoned cars, but the bears smell where they're at.

2624

THE CHIRPY, CHIRPY LITTLE BIRDS

Chirpy, chirpy little birds,

You wake me early with your chirpy words,

I don't know what you say,

Because you speak in that way,

Like the kids in my math class, called nerds.

4820

LOVE BUNNY SITS ON MY TOILET

My love bunny is so crybaby sad,

My love bunny ate scallops that were bad,

The soft toilet seat,

Is love bunny's retreat,

When I can use the toilet, I'll be glad.

A PONEY NAMED PENELOPE PIE

There was a pony named Penelope Pie,
Down every race track she would fly,
She was owned by Pap Herbie,
He entered her in the Derby,
When she lost she had a really good cry.

91421

THEY DIPPED SOME CHIPS IN MY BRAINS

The judge said I was criminally, completely insane,

He ordered AI chips to be stapled into my brain,

I did not feel anything,

Til my ears started to ring,

Then my eyeballs popped out, causing pain.

TWO FERAL PIGS WALKED INTO A BAR

Two feral pigs walked into a country bar,

They saw pickled pig's feet sitting in a glass jar,

One pig said, "they advertised pickled eggs,"

The other said, "I see feet, but where are the legs?"

The pigs stormed out and drove off in a car.  

3219

GEORGE TOOK A BOAT OUT ON A LAKE

George took a boat out on a lake, 
To see what big fish he could take, 
The boat started to leak, 
It was a wooden antique, 
George knew he had made a mistake.

31021

I DO VALENTINE'S DAY ALONE (Again)😞

I bought many Valentine's gifts, yet have no Valentine,

Mostly I bought candy, I love candy, so I'll be fine,

I booked a restaurant date,

But I have no loving mate,

I shall watch loving couples, and for such love I will pine.

2524

BETTER HYGIENE FOR ALL

Free Soap, Free Soap, for better hygiene,

To live long and prosper, you must keep yourself clean,

It's not a small token,

To disinfect while you're soakin'

And, wash the undies if you ate too much bean.

ELASTIC PARK

Human eaters roamed the plastic park,

They ate all humans and doggies that bark,

Giant monsters all made of plastic, 

Held together with bands of elastic,

They melted in sunlight so, they came out at dark.

82521

THE HORN TOOTER AND DING-DONG BELL

My little scooter had a horn tooter, and a ding-dong bell,

I'd ride my scooter behind someone, and my noise made them yell,

My parents got complaints,

No kids are ever saints,

Daddy took a  hammer, and for the scooter, it didn't end well.

2424

SCRATCHING, AND JIMMY BLEEDS OUT

Jimmy thought the night was going real nice,

Then he got to itching on his head lice,

He scratched and bled,

By morn he was dead,

He was consumed by the cat, rats and mice.

RIP Jimmy RIP😢

2424

BIG JAKE THE SNAKE AND JITTERS

There once was a shy, young tiger named Jitters,

Jitters liked eating little furry critters,

Along comes a rattlesnake,

He said his name was Big Jake,

Jitters ran to the pub and downed much bitters.

WOLVES OF THE DRUID

There are these big, vicious wolves called alpha-males,

When I feed them people, the wolves wag their tails,

I'm a druid in the woods,

I feed wolves Red Ridding Hoods,

After dinner they sing in their howls and wails. 

THE WICKED WITCH PART ONE

I suffered just terrible, from an unending itch,

I went to the deep forest to see a wicked witch,

All that she did have,

Was a small jar of salve,

That smelled like a nasty something had died in a ditch.

I LIVE IN RURAL AMERICA PART I

The next door neighbors are out scrapping up roadkill  for dinner,

Looks like they got a  possum, and possum meat is a winner,

It seems they will finely dine,

With homemade whiskey and toilet wine,

I won't be invited to partake, because they think I'm a sinner.

LEON DREAMS

Leon was sure he could trampoline all the way to mars,

Leon fell off his trampoline and he visited the stars,

The stars were red, green and blue,

Some squares, and triangles too,

And, everywhere that Leon went, they drove electric cars.

PIE SAFE SAFTY

There was a great river that fell from the sky,

It crashed on my trailer, and I thought I'd die,

My trailer has leaks,

It's full of antiques,

To great grandma's old pie safe, I said "goodbye".

MY BEAUTIFUL.BLUE TEDDY BEAR PART III

My beautiful blue teddy bear was destroyed by my puppy dog,

I told puppy he was very bad, then he dropped a big turd log,

I buried Teddy in the yard,

In the garden, near the Swiss chard,

Then my puppy dug Teddy up, and I'm in mourning on my blog.

I TOOK OUT MY BOAT TO SLAUGHTER FISH

Out upon a bit of sea water,
I took my boat for fish to slaughter,
But, I hit a big wave,
Found a watery grave,
Where I fed a hungry sea otter.

5114

ON THE COMPANY DIME, MARS WAS A GOOD TIME

I rode a great big spaceship all the way to Mars,

To write an article on their electric cars,

I went to my Martian hotel,

To rest there for a little spell,

Then I went out to the Martian nightclubs and bars.

MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE TEDDY BEAR TWO

My beautiful blue teddy bear sat in a tire swing,

He doesn't really swing, because he cannot do a thing,

I drag his butt out and around,

On his belly I sometimes pound,

I just want to show Teddy that to him I am his king.

RASH AND HASH

Poor, crazy Jimmy spent a ton of cash,

To get rid of a contagious, rare rash,

It started on his toes,

Went up to his nose,

It went to his brain, and turned it to hash.

P.S.

Poor Jimmy

Aliens Strike Again👾

THE THINKER SLEEPS BETWEEN MY EARS

In my head I have a thinker,

Sometimes, he is a stinker,

Like math class,

I will not pass,

I'm tired in class, so I take a winker.

SNAGGING THE PLATYPUS REX

I went fishing for some giggles and thrills,

And maybe a flopping mess of bluegills,

I caught a huge snag,

I don't like to brag,

It was a big platypus with two bills.

42523

I MET A PHEASANT NEAR THE ANTIQUE STORE

I met a pheasant, and his/her? name is Leslie Beaks,

The pheasant said little bugs, seeds and leaf worms it seeks,

I do not want to seem unpleasant,

But I do not like this pheasant,

The menu sounded nasty, so I'll scurry off to buy antiques.

DISEASED LINKS

I got diseased by hitting links,

Now, my time on the internet really stinks,

I can't download a game,

So, it just isn't the same,

But, with no games I'm getting plenty of winks.

22218

SQUEAKY SQUIRES THRIFTY STORES 2

My employer, Squeaky Squires, owns a chain of grocery stores,

He sells expired groceries, and unto him the wealth, it pours,

I got titled head cashier,

 I'm the only one that's here,

My shift lasts from the opening, until the lockup of the doors.

SQUEAKY SQUIRES THRIFTY STORES

Squeaky Squires put a chip in my brain,

So I could cashier at his store up in Maine,

We sell veggies by weights,

Expired goods with old dates,

I'll be your checkout if you use the fast lane.

THE CHIP AND THE DUMPSTER DIVER

The authorities insisted I was insane,

They insisted, and put a chip into my brain,

The chip made me much less smart,

I push a grocery cart,

Collecting my treasure down each road, street and lane.

Cyrus the Psychic 2

Cyrus The Psychic has psychic juices that flow,

Down from his sinus, and out the nose it do go,

His predictions come true,

Thanks to his brainy goo,

Horrible news for some, others love and much doe.

THE PARANOIDAL UNIVERSE

There are two parallel universes; one paranoid, one that's not

I live in the paranoid one, where every action is a plot,

What fortunes I would gladly give,

If In the other I could live,

Maybe I can get over there, if I sneak and lie and scheme a lot.

CYRUS THE PSYCHC

Cyrus The Psychic found a jewel, a rarity,

When he dripped snot on it, Cyrus found psychic clarity,

The drippings from his brain,

Predicted a client's loss or gain,

Cyrus charged a big fee because he was no charity.

13024