Sir Dirk was a very noble knight,
Fire breathing Dragons he would fight,
He once shipped off to France,
With a long metal lance,
And the dragons all ran out of sight.
Derek the skunk liked his eggs in the morn, So he went into the chicken coop where the eggs were born, Then the chickens got mad, And treated poor Derek bad, So Derek breakfasted by eating field corn.
I climbed up a tree to hunt deer with my bow,
A big buck I targeted and was good to go,
But, the tree where I sat,
Was the home of a bat,
I then panicked and shot off my big toe.
John thought he'd strike a walrus pose, So, he stuck two straws way up his nose, He thought he’d be funny, But, his nose became runny, He dripped down the front of his clothes.
I come from a planet with two suns and two moons,
Many groves of apple trees line up in platoons,
It never turns night,
You live only in light,
You can eat lunch twice cause there are two noons.
I rowed my dingy out onto the bay,
I hoped to catch fish from dusk until day,
But, just after dark,
Along came a shark,
Now in the shark’s belly I lay.
I took out my dingy to fish for crappies,
But, I ran into turtles that I call snappies,
They snapped my dingy in two,
I was on their menu,
My demise gave the snappies the happies.
Forsake me not my jellyroll, I need said roll to guide my soul, The flavors are Zen, It's perfection, a ten, Glazed bread with a sweet fruit-filled hole.
My turtle named Herman could speak only German, My pet fish Louise spoke just Japanese, My little pet finch could speak only French, My dolphin named Wendy only spoke Hindi, My pet snake named Vanish spoke nothing but Spanish, My big goose named Maelic just spoke words in Gaelic, My tame honey bees conversed Portuguese, My doggy named Patton knew no words but Latin, And, Albert the cat just listened and sat.
A spider named Nellie lived under the stairs, This spider named Nellie was afraid of big bears, She would never go outside, Under the stairs she would hide, Counting each of her forty-one graying hairs.
When the first birds built a nest Jimmy cheered, For the winter lasted longer than he feared, His food was all gone, He had no stuff left to pawn, All he had left was to chew on his beard.
My time machine broke down back in Ancient Rome, I met Nero Czar and he was a weird little gnome, He'd sit out in his flower garden, Passing gas and saying "pardon", Then, he'd spout some idiotic poem.
I left my bananas on my kitchen counter top,
The bananas ripened and ripened, I din't think they could stop,
Then, I noticed one day,
My bananas had ripened away,
Leaving behind a runny, gooey slop.
I went shopping for bargains at the bargain store,
But, when I wanted a bargain I ended up paying more,
I went consumer empowered,
But, with high prices got showered,
I came home with high priced items and poor.