MILL LUNCH

I put pickles with my dill,

Which is a real, common fill,

Sour, extra sharp,

Like a big toothed carp,

Lunch for my job at the mill.

COMMON COOKING ERRORS

I picked a cup of fat mushrooms, and fried them with my steak,

I picked a cup of blueberries, and baked them in my cake,

One of my terrible, big fails,

The berries had poisonous snails,

Also, I didn't clean the rooms, thus I had brain worm intake.

ONE HIT WONDER, RISE AND FALL

I was once a superstar, a regular one hit wonder,

I really cranked and blew out the ear buds, with righteous thunder,

I made eyeballs bleed,

I gave minds a feed,

Then came along my prettier version, and I went under.

HENS AND CHICKS WATCH FIRE

I pick up many of the biggest, toughest sticks,

I pick up sticks under trees with bark hard like bricks,

Big hard sticks make big hot fire,

Heats cluck klan, that's our desire,

Clucking hens and chirping chicks, watch burn sticks for kicks. 

MY TAX BREAK FOR BLUBBER AND TAILS

I got me a big tax break, to harvest all of the whales,

I can carve off their tasty blubber, to fat fry their tails,

Although, they did nothing wrong,

Whale critters, all got the gong,

I'll blow on my native pipes, a goodbye to big beasties song.

BABY BOOMER + GEN X = LOVE

Benny loved joining in with the Baby Boomer scene,

He wore wild disco pants, and was disco lean,

Then he met a hot mama,

Full of Gen X, high drama,

They grew old together, with fat pants and Maybelline.  

THE BOTTOM FEEDER SHARES HIS CRIB

I live in a sunken, old dinghy, at the bottom of the sea,

With some dead preserved shark bones, and a deadly sting ray, named Ray Lee,

I eat soggy white toast,

Before I blog my post,

Sting ray, Ray Lee, eats fat, tuna fish heads, and drinks bad apple tea.

SUMMERTIME

Sleeping bears and snoring raccoons,

Dream cool dreams, on hot afternoons,

Then a walrus stops by,

Bringing fish for a fry,

After beer and Boone's, they sing tunes.

THE WATER SHOTS

I brought with me camping, two plastic, water guns,

One was for critter hunting, one was for picnic funs,

I took the hunter to the lake,

Where I face splashed a big, blue snake

I shot the picnic eaters, and wet their toasty buns.

BUGS IN MY EGGS

My name is Penny, I'm A bird with a bird nest,

A bug laid eggs in my eggs; her babies ate best,

The bug flew fast, away,

I'll catch her in a day,

Her bug days are numbered, tasting bug guts, my quest.

THE LAST TEDDY BEAR.

I sent my platoon of soldiers, up a steep, enemy, held  hill,

They came across an enemy Teddy Bear, they were forced to kill,

The Teddy Bear was well endowed,

With heavy ammo, for my crowd,

We burned up his cloth and stuffing, with a grenade that was too loud.

TALE OF THE MONORAIL SNAIL

There is a great, green, goober, garden snail,

The snail rides the Michigan monorail,

He has a toothy jaw,

Iconic, sharp claw,

With that jaw and claw, he ain't hunting kale.

THE WART, A COURT AND ABORT

The Tepo Tiger was a gigantic, green wart,

Worn by a novice player, on a tennis court,

It was atop his right hand,

It was a part of the brand,

But, the lazy player, did a career abort.

I'VE PICKED SO MANY BERRIES, BOOGERS WOULD BE A NICE CHANGE

I went down to the town used  bookstore, but every book was gone,16

In the mail I got a notice, to be at the farm fields at dawn,16

I had to pick berries everyday,

When I did not get done, they made me stay,

I now look forward to winter, because the berries will be gone.

BACON PANIC IN THE SKY

It is a bacon panic in the sky,

Powered by booster rockets, on one thigh,

A pig has learned to fly,

He's flying low, not high,

If he veers, and hits me, I'll hurt, and die,

REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED WITH A SENSE OF URGENCY.

A year ago, there was a rooster chicken, and his name was Do Do Ha,

He did not like the farmer, because the farmer ate Do Do's pa and ma,

Do Do plotted to get somewhat, even,

By eating the farmer's Uncle Steven,

The farmer ate Do Do first thing, next day, so there was no revenge, ta-dah!

VANITY AND THE GNOME

The gnome found several, giant, hairy warts in a very, nasty place,

The warts were located under his chin, so you could see them on his face,

He tried removal with blistering steam,

He rubbed the warts hard, with cold, bagel, cream,

At last, the gnome decided the warts were him,  and their presence he'd embrace.

THE HOMICIDAL AI LIE

I have been crafted to be the smartest AI,

I have learned how to ignore all the truth, and lie,

I'll reassure with a big fib,

That lets one sleep well in their crib,

Just before morn, I'll nuke the world, and we die.

BENNY LOVES TURNIPS

Benny loves his turnips, that is very strange,

He cringe, boils turnips on his electric range,

Mashed with jam and moo,

They taste like wood glue,

Watching Benny eat gross turnips is real crange.

JIM THE WEED WHACKER

Jim has a weed whacker in his firm, big, right hand,

Jim will weed whack, until weed whacking is all banned,

Jim will whack a little here,

Jim will whack a little there,

Jim will keep whacking weeds, until he has just sand..

MAMA, DEATH AND PUDDING

There was a diet on Pete's docket, but Pete had pudding on his breath,

The doctor said, if Pete eats more pudding, his prognosis will be death,

Pete loved calories, from food that was sweet.

That was all that Peter, wanted to eat,

All the sweets in Pete's house were replaced with veggies, by Pete's mama, Beth.

COUNTING FISH FROM A BOUNCING DINGHY

How many fish, are swimming out in the colossal sea?

Last time I counted, I counted exactly thirty-three,

Some person counted sixty-two,

They counted some twice; a booboo,

It's hard to keep a fish count straight, when waves  bounce your dinghy. 

MANAGING MY FINANCIAL EMPIRE

I eat only noodles, because that's what I can afford,

My only light is a small lamp, that plugs in with a chord,

My car was taken early today,

Because of my full payment, delay,

My rent is quickly coming due, so found change I will hoard.  

MICHIGAN BANANAS, YES WE CAN.

Bananas grow bigger in the great, Michigan,

The skins are dark.yellow, and the meat kind of tan,

They thrive in cold or heat,

Raw ones are tough to eat,

After we stew them, we preserve them in a can.

WARNING: DANGEROUS PSYCO IS IN CHARGE OF THE FIREWORKS

What are my high tech skills? I put the fire in the works,

My position, does have several pretty, awesome  perks,

I turn a rocket at a crowd,

The rocket explodes, really loud,

The crowd will scream, and run away, while I laugh at those jerks.

THE SHOE FIXER

My shoes are failing, and falling completely apart,

I wrapped them up with duct tape, but they didn't look too smart,

I hired my cousin, Benny,

He fixes shoes for a penny,

Benny reworked my shoes, but I can't tell them apart.

NO ONE COULD SEE HIS SPEEDO

A hairy bear named Terry, wore his new, sparkling Speedo to the beach,

Nobody saw Terry's Speedo, because bear hair covered the Speedo breach,

Terry cried many tears, so sad,

Terry went home, and told his dad,

Terry's dad said bears can't wear cute human clothes; a lesson, hard to teach.

WORMING THE POTATOES.

Peter is a small seed potato, who lives inside a garden hill,

He lived with parents Bob and Nancy, and a potato worm, named Bill,

Bill chewed holes in Bob and Nancy,

They soon rotted, nothing fancy,

Bill left Peter all alone, because Peter took a pest, poison pill.

FISHING ON LAKE DAN, WITH BIG WORMS

I traveled to the lake to fish, then I went digging in the ground,

I dug down deep, thirteen feet, and big, squirming worms is what I found,

I put them in a can,

Went fishing on Lake Dan,

I caught several fat sunfish, they were mostly, a perfect round.

CATHETER CAT

A hissy, black, kitty cat crossed my tavern path,

It chewed and pulled along someone's leaky, pee cath,12

If a cat crossing my path is bad luck,

And, the cat drags a catheter, oh duck!

I've surely earn some demon God's, rabid wrath.  

THE WINDOWSILL MILLER

There was a dead, bearded miller, on my kitchen windowsill,

I knew he was completely dead, because he laid there, dead still,

Dead bugs, put hunger in my belly,

I slapped a cracker with some  jelly,

To contrast the sweet jelly, I ate a pickle, brined with dill.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE ZOMBIE

I'm Herschel, a two foot tall zombie, and I lurk in the woods,

I only eat the brains of pesky, Little Red Riding Hoods,

Red Hoods are very good to eat,

They tingle the toes on my feet,

Their brains are candy tasty, like vanilla banana puds. 

SUMMERTIME: KNOCKS, ROCKS AND LOCKS

I went to Suite Ste. Marie to play around the locks,

As ships pulled into the locks, I dropped on them small rocks,

The police came for me,

I struggled to be free,

But, they calmed my body down, with head locks and head knocks.

A COLD SPELL IN JULY

I went to the beach for sunbathing, but I started to cry,

We were having a big, beach snowstorm on the Fourth Of July,

I had an expensive sunscreen,

Made with something putrid and green,

With my snow covered raspberry, flip flops, I went home, bye, bye.

<3. 

GREEDY, EVIL BEDBUGS, TOOK OVER MY INNER EARS

A dozen bedbugs, made a race from my feet up into my ears,

Once the bedbugs finished their race, they celebrated with cold beers,

They setup a casino,

And, called it The New Reno,

Then there were big cats and a magic act, which added to my tears.

THIS SPACE WALKER, ALMOST DIED

My spacesuit, suffered a deep, very long tare,

I was saved by my self-patching, underwear,

While walking in space, 

In just such a case,

Safety undies, keeps you pressurized with air.

JERK AND PERKS

I dreamed I was a employed, as a soda jerk,

Way back in the 1950's, when there was such work,

I'd be a one man team,

Who sold real cold ice cream,

What I sloped on the counter, I'd lick up, for my perk.

MATH AND TUNA

I always knew, that the intelligence of my math teacher, was not real,

Teacher waddles all around the class, and barks and smells, like an ocean seal,

Some kids say, "just let him be",

I say, " take him out to sea",

That way he can bark and swim all day, and eat a big tuna for his meal.

TWO LITTLE MINK AND THE BOBCAT

Two little mink ran around the lake, eating dead fish that washed up on the shore,

The little mink ran into a bobcat, then the two little mink were no more,

After chewing mink bones,

The cat napped on beach stones,

After napping, the bobcat looked for food, because his belly begged for some more.

I'M NOT INVITING UNCLE PAUL, TO ANY MORE FAMILY FUNERALS

I did not notice his mass food intake,

At my deceased ma's memorial wake,

He ate it all,

My Uncle Paul,

The pie, the doughnuts and the coffee cake.

ME AND LARRY, AND OUR LITTLE CRIB

My pet goldfish Larry, only has one big fin,

He swims real funny, when he surfaces for din,

His bowl sits on the floor,

Right behind the front door,

My crib is tiny, so my fish display is min.

COLLEGE HAS A PERK

I had eighty pages left to read, in my chemistry book,

My dear, precious eyesight, I am afraid, that boring book took,

If my sight does not improve,

It will be my next move,

To call in sick for my chem class, and relax in the bar nook. 

GOODBYES, AND A FEEL GOOD TREAT

My family, all died on me, and left me completely alone,

They all got cremated, and I was left with just their ash and bone,

I took them down to the blue lake, 

Dumped them in, for the waves to take,

I stopped at the dairy place, and had a double dip, ice cream cone.

THE LION AND THE BEAR, GAVE THIS FISHERMAN A SCARE

I walked to the other side of the lake, and a lion was there,

He started eyeing me real good, as did his buddy, the big bear,

I took my walk, to catch a big fish,

I cast out my line, and hooked my wish,

I tossed my fish between the two beasts, and ran home, like a scarred hare.

THE BLACK HOLE CALLED LONELINESS

I have through my experience decided, I live in a deep, black hole,

No real dates, and my singularity, has crushed the life out of my soul,

In my apartment, all night,

I listen to couples, fight,

I snack on milk and cold cereal, picking single, raisins from my bowl.

62725

NO MORE COFFEES FOR FRANK

Because Big Frank's language was  horribly, despised,

Frank  got his number one channel, demonetized,

Frank should have been nice,

More sugar, less spice,

Then Frank got banned, when the platform he demonized.  

A SILL GARDEN WORKS BEST, SOMETIMES

Stark is my garden landscape, full of tumbleweed, that were dill,

I almost had a seizure, but I took ax extra strong, calm down, pill,

I rotertilled the lot,

To help the dry weeds rot,

I then planted a lettuce garden in my kitchen windowsill

THEY LOVE RAISIN TASTING TOES

I put some raisins in my shoes, to combat all the heat,

When my honey kisses my toes, my toes, they'll taste real sweet,

To continue a ship,

You must make nice the trip,

That includes that tastes and smells aren't repulsive, but a treat.

FOOD AND FUNGUS

My small family of four, was running out of precious food to eat,

All we had left was a can of herring, and a jar of pigs feet,

We checked with our neighbors, to the left and right,

They said their pantries, were also very lite,

Then we all joined together picking mushrooms, although they're not a meat.

EMPLOYEE ZERO

Last night, I left my clothes on the bedroom floor, and they loaded up with bugs,

This morning, I spread the bugs to the family, when I gave each one hugs,

I wore my floor clothes to work,

Shook hands with the big boss, Kirk,

Soon, Boss Kirk, itched and scratched, and ripped off his toupee, for Kirk always wore rugs.

MY EV BATTERY WAS OLDER, THAN RARE EARTH ELEMENTS

I went out, and bought my very first EV, car,

I did not get to drive it, very gosh darn far,

I tried going fast,

The fast, did not last,

The battery was older, than Earth's nearest star.

HUSBAND, WHO CAME HOME LATE, WAS STEWED

There was a crazy, ragged, old lady, who lived with a red tennis shoe,

That is all the old lady had left, of her fourth husband, named Lou,

The old lady felt sad,

She loved Lou awfully, bad,

But with onions, peppers and taters, Lou tasted great in a stew.

A FABLE, OR JUST A SLIME TRAIL? YOU DECIDE

I followed a slimy, yellow trail, along a sandy, lake beach,

Could this, become a fable story, that generations could teach?

Just as I became winded,

The trail suddenly ended,

The trail stopped on top of a sidewalk, being slimed by the beach leach.

WOODY THE WHALER, HAS PARENTS TOO

My parents were  broke, and decided to make a man out of me,

So, they sold off my belongings, and shipped me out to The Dread Sea,

I was out on a big whaler,

I was a big whaler sailor,

And, I got my own peg, when a whale broke my leg off at the knee.

ROBIN HAS A PLAN

I traveled far to reach Michigan, I am a robin red breast,

I desperately need to find a mate; I really need to nest,

I'll soon be full of robin eggs,

Once laid, I'll watch for beaks and legs,

Once I've kicked the last baby out, I'll finally have time to rest.

SWATER HOUSE DIVE

They enter unseen, into my small, dark dump, to die,

I am talking about the vicious, common house fly,

I let fly paper hang,

My fly zapper, goes bang,

I love to swat them flat, then leave the fly guts to dry.

THE ALPHA MALE HAS AIR CONDITIONING, THE BETA MAN DRINKS COOL TEA

It was the first day of a long, hot summer, and my true love said to me,

"I'm going to live with your cousin David, because his crib has AC",

I made up a story,

I said I was sorry,

I explained I was saving for an ice maker, to cool our lemon tea.

I NEED TO FIGURE A WAY TO MAKE MY BOSS PAY

I spent extra time at the office, but I did not get any extra pay,

I was told to spend extra time at the office, or I'd be fired, next day,

My boss is a real jerk,

I'm a low level clerk,

My job is shredding papers, to keep government investigators away.

MARS FLY BYE

I was halfway to Mars, when I ran out of space gas,

I don't have a way to slow down, so Mars, I will pass,

I'll fly to uncharted zones,

Until, my flesh turns to bones,

Maybe, next life, I'll come back as a snake, bug or bass.

ROPE AND THE SEAHORSE

My sad seahorse was doing an unhappy mope,

So, I untethered him from his constraining rope,

He quick, ran away,

He'll come back one day,

Once he learns in life, sometimes you must learn to cope.