MY PLAN TO DESTROY THE BRAIN WORM

It seems, my alien brain worm is twisting, and twisting really bad,

It makes one side of my face smile happy, and the other, tear sad,

I'll eat  greased, French fries,

So my  brain worm dies,

The worm will die from a stroke, and my butt will be a soft, sitting pad.

THE TIRE SWING WAS NOT MY THING

I had a tire swing, roped to the branch of an oak tree,

It wasn't fancy, but the swing was fun, and it was free,

When I fell off, and down I went,

I broke my woodwind, clarinet,

I also broke my neck and arm, and skinned up my right knee.

APARTMENT FIRE, BEAN SUPPER PROSPECTS? DIRE

All of my big brain was completely locked-in,

On getting some sweet, baked beans, out of a tin,

It's was a small, rusty can

The opener ran, and ran,

There was a fire, now I'll not get my din.

UNCLE LEE PUT A HORN TO HIS LIPS, THEN HE WENT TO JAIL

When I saw the gold, twisted, bugle, I knew that it was for me,

But, after I bought the bugle, I gave it to my Uncle Lee,

My Uncle Lee, felt reborn,

Tooting on his toot, toot horn,

But, he made too much noise on his horn, so the jail is where he be.

CASTOR BEANS, AND THE UNSPOKEN DRESS CODE

My neighbor's been living on castor beans, for about, the last couple of years,

He's had the chocolate, backdoor trots, as attested to by most of his peers,

His professional peers have suggested,

That my neighbor's diet, be divested,

Alas, for work, my neighbor used a large  plug, which allayed backdoor, display fears.

COLOR/COLOUR

Why do we spell colour/color in two completely, different ways,

I pine for that answer, before the dismal end, of my days,

In my school youth, I was often failed,

Expelled, I was violent, and jailed,

My life ruined because I spell colour/color, so teachers go craze.

THE EVIL LITTLE PEANUT

Oh, evil little peanut that sits on my kitchen floor,
Who knew your presence would cause me such dramatic horror?
For last night my great big foot,
Was upon you quite hard put,
Then, great pain I felt within and without my soul's eternal core,

Oh, evil little peanut have you not a bit of shame?
For although you disabled me, upon me you placed the blame,
For I sued you in the court,
Where you gave a false report,
There you said it was my clumsiness that left me hurt and lame.

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I SPY ON THE KITTY

I launched a satellite into the sky,

I only launched it, so I could go spy,

I have a little, gray cat,

Never knew where she is at,

Now I know, and her privacy goes, bye.

MY POVERTY AND SKINNY JEANS

The place where I live, we have little income means,

That is why we live on rice, beetle bugs and beans,

I eat a few teaspoons of food,

I've evolved; I'm a thinner dude,

I wish I had money, to buy some skinny jeans.

MARS? DON'T GO THERE

I traveled to Mars, and there wasn't much scenery there,

Just a sickly coconut tree and a small koala bear,

No place good to eat,

No one served fresh meat,

There was a cheap, beauty shop, where they washed and permed my hair.

THE NASTY INTERNET IS MEAN

The internet is nasty, and I got told off in several, meanie ways,  

I was harassed daily by mean emojis, and trolled with fake, sarcastic praise,

I got told off,  by single fingers,

Real naughty, love position, zingers,

I was oft posted in an AI, distorted pic., both eyes covered with glaze. 

HEALTHY MIDNIGHT JAW EXERCISE

Twas the middle night, and I shorted the fridge a pepper, cabbage coleslaw,

I love eating vegetables late at night, but only ones that are raw,

I'll have two buttered buns,

Only big, puffy ones,

The buns and veggies I'll enjoy as a treat, and soft chew them with my jaw.

THE LION CHEF AND THE RABBIT

I saw a rabbit, before the month of May,

He saw me, and the rabbit hopped, hopped away

I'm from the lion race,

So, he didn't like my face,

I think that rabbit, looked right for my souffle. 

HARVEY HAS NO RIZZ

Harvey The Hobo,  had complete lack of normal, human rizz,

No one wanted to be a part, of Harvey's personal bizz,

Romantic? Harvey might just be,

If one likes itch bites, from a flea,

Nobody wants Harvey love; that's on my bingo card and quiz.

I ATE TOO MUCH AND GOT FAT

I have been eating the dogs and the cats,

And, the guano that falls from the cave bats,

I've eaten the things under logs,

Like bugs, snakes and frogs,

I've eaten so much, they're calling me, "Fats".

DOOMSCROLLING MILLIONAIRE

I've been hired as a doomscroller, on the World Wide Web,

The position makes me famous; I'll be a party celeb,

I'll crunch down, and forward my spine,

While watching the crazed ones, opine,

Then I'll comment for coffees, until the interest doth ebb.

DIGGING IN THE DARK, UP IN NOSTRIL PARK

My next door neighbor's index finger, got stuck in much deeper, than it looks,

My neighbor got caught digging out deep, dark boogers, using fingers for hooks,

He got caught red handed, and feels shame,

With only his nasty self to blame,

I bet he's the person at the library, wiping boogers in the books.

SQUAT AND FORAGE LIKE A MAN

I live in a dilapidated, housing den,

Along with 16 other homeless, hungry men,

We go to the zoo,

Eat animal poo,

Then rummage in garbage, after curfew, at ten.

ALPHA MAN TOUGH

I brush my teeth with coffee grounds, and kitty liter,

The litter is pee sour, but the grounds taste bitter,

I bathe in motor oil,

That I cook; make it boil,

I eat live birds filled with eggs, as I chew, they twitter.

THE PAISLEY DISEASE

I don't like paisley, because it reminds me of a skin disease,

Little kids get it in my family, when they are in their three's,

I see paisley shirts, suits and shoes, 

There are paisley, stuffed kangaroos,

But of course, paisley PJ's will camouflage, when somebody pees.

THE BEAR CLAW OF POWER

I wear a massive, lucky bear claw, around my scrawny neck,

I'm told it should be a rabbit paw, and I reply, "oh, heck".

A rabbit runs off to cower,

A bear stands stacked, with feared power,

To deal with enemies, I will make them a scarred, crapless wreck.

TOTALITARIAN SCIENCE FOR KIDS

My new teacher told me, the earth is flat and not round,

He said that is what long ago, our spaceships all found,

I told him that I would disagree,

The principal, I was sent to see,

I was afraid, confused, and my heart started to pound.

RURAL AMERICA, AND THE SWEET PEA WARS

Last night, someone grabbed all of my sweet pea vines, and jerked them down to the dirt, ground,

I am sure it was a human, because of all the scat, they left all around,

With a little scat here; with a little scat there,

They left their scat, most everywhere,

DNA shows it was my neighbor's poop, not from some hillbilly, hunting hound.

IN THE KINGDOM OF THE SQUATTERS, THE ONE NIGHT SQUAT IS KING

I have squatted 10,000 days, and been in jail, 10,000 more,

Spending  nights in comfy, warm beds, next day, it's jail, and a food store,

What great wealth can I show?

Well, I'm happy, you know,

It's luxurious living, then meals with the jail friends, I adore.

THE NIGHT SQUATTER

In the cemetery, it is easy to become night squatters,

However, then you have to fight, stinky zombies, some call rotters,

To avoid a zombie night,

Camp on ground, caved in tight,

In those old gravesites, the decayed remain, deep dirt level, plotters.

HAIR EVERYWHERE

My best bro was as furry as a big grisly bear,

And, twice everyday, he would shave off all his hair,

The need for furry care,

My bro, thought was unfair,

With some wax and some duct tape, he showed he had a pair.

SOUPY EGGS IN THE SHELL

I bought fresh, farm eggs, but they were soupy,

That made the family, tense and poopy,

The soupy eggs were quite tainted,

The porcelain, got brown painted,

The bathroom rugs were sticky and goopy.  

SECOND WORLD

I went downhill skiing, and ran into a tree,

I was dead on the scene, and they couldn't revive me,

While I drifted into the sky,

I waved to my body, goodbye,

Then I smelled dad's dark coffee, and mom's ginger tea.

TRINA, TRIP, REPEAT

Trina tried to Rat Dance, but mixed up her two, small feet,

Then Trina fell, hard down, and got bruises on her seat,

Trina shed a tiny tear,

Then she tried again, the dear,

This time people really laughed, at Trina's trip repeat.

WHEN THE MOON HIDES

When the great, full moon disappears, the great spirits, get all, jolly,

Those venturing out that night, often find that venture, folly,

Monsters dance over hills,

Ghouls eat flesh for thrills,

Cruel ghosts, inhabit hosts, like a toy train, Teddy bear, or dolly.

THE IDES OF MARCH WARNING

The approaching Ides of March, foretell the warning,

Be alive at midnight, yet cold dead by morning,

Or, alive at this noon,

Dead by the risen moon,

And, a padded box you soon, will be adorning.

   

THE BLOOD WORM MOON OF MARCH

My family doctor really likes the blood worm, in the moon of March,

He also said blood worms are tricky, if you eat a lot of starch,

Starch super feeds blood worm babies,

No studies allow for maybes,

Then the only way to kill them, is saltwater that makes them parch.

A SQUAT GUIDE FOR THE UNEMPLOYED

The economy is as repulsive as gray, boogered snot,15

With no money for rent, I find vacant homes, for a quick squat,14

Sometimes, there is a find of some food,

For humans, cats or dogs, I'm not rude,

Sometimes I find a real classy place, like one with a Roombot.

OUR DATE: ONLY TWO

I made some special, chicken fondue,

I only had enough, just for two,

But, you wanted more,

So, I tripped to the store,

When I got back, you had left, boohoo.  

THE TOAD LEGACY

There were nine, tiny, squishy, tree toads,

The toads dropped nine massive, fecal loads,

The fecal, super powers,

Grew colored, bright, big flowers,

The toads were tire kill, on the roads.

 

THE PODCAST SALES LIMERICK

There once was a podcaster, and his name was Hot Stew,

Hot Stew started podcasting, to have something to do,

He made dollars in millions,

Then came all of Stew's billions,

Online he sold enemas, both refurbished and new.

DEALING WITH MY FINANCIAL CRASH

All financial schemes are doing a crumble,

While all of my stocks, tumble, tumble, tumble,

I'm vacating, the here,

Gonna drink some root beer,

And, hide, covered in my bed, feeling humble.

EDDY BITES TEDDY

I had this big pest, his name was Eddy,

He was a rat, and he pested steady,

Every night,

He'd take a bite,

Out of my sweet, pink, stuffed bear, my Teddy.

THE DAY THE ROOT BEER STOPED

I foretold that the end of the world was near,

During my lunch, when I ran out of sweet, root beer,

The internets are now trending,

Predicting all things are ending,

 I only have cola, and it don't quench my fear.

THE HUNTING TIGER IN THE SNOW

My Tiger is a kitty cat,
But, that he does not know,
He thinks he is a hunting beast,
So, I let him go out hunting  in the snow,

Alas, Tiger did not do so well,
Out hunting in the snow,
He ended up back at my front door,
Inside he wanted to go,

I let indoors my shivering pet,
He ran to his bowl, a well filled dish,
After that he took a nap,
My hunting Tiger full of tuna fish.

PP04172023

THE BUG IS THE WINNER, TODAY

There once was a small bug that lived in a tuna tin,

He had a hard shell, and not one bit of living skin,

He stayed clear of the mice,

Ignored the little lice,

Each day the bug survived, the bug considered a win.

THE OLD PEOPLE DREAM, AND THE REAL

I dream of eating a whole stick of rich butter,

Once I can afford to move, from this pee gutter,

But, there's no jobs about,

For this geezer with gout,

Last time I fell down, it left me with a stutter.

MILK+ MEOW+MOLE=KITTIES.

Dominick had a really pretty milk cow,

She made lots of milk for Dom's cat named, Meow,

Meow shared her milk bowl,

With her tom cat named, Mole,

Soon there were six kittens, and Dom knew not how.

MORNING OFFICE TREATS

Apple Fritters Monday is how the usual morning, work week starts,

Apple fritters are sweet and greasy, full of sour, fruity tart, tarts,

Fritters are an office win,

But seen as a fat, flab sin,

I like Peanut Brittle Tuesdays, but the brittle yields many farts.

CONSUMING CORN WITH FRIENDS

Four dudes, sitting by some flames at the beach, were eating sweet corn,

After fire toasting, they used butter and salt, to adorn,

It was corn stuck on cobs,

Drippings made all dudes slobs,

They went back to their town lives, where the next working day is born.

KIMMYCOSS GOES TO JAIL

I built me a domestic robot, and named it, Kimmycoss,  

One day it turned on me, and pinched me, and it became my boss,

It demanded eggs each meal,

None in the store, so I steal,

When cops stoped by to arrest me, Kimmy gave the cops a toss.

MY TINY INCOME, MY TINY FARM, MY TINY LIFESPAN

The government has ordered me, to start subsistence farming,

There's little food in the stores, and tiny farming is charming,

I would like to completely pass,

But, I'm the sinking, worker class,

If I work until I'm dead, who important is it harming?

SPRING FORWARD TIME TRAVEL 👎

I dislike it when the Spring clock gets moved forward, one hour,

It clearly disrupts my time traveler super power,

It hurts my quantum brain,

My thoughts drift to insane,

Now, we're all fighting, over our a.m. scheduled shower.

DOOMSCROLLING CLICKBAIT UNTIL DOOM

I waste all my days, and all my nights, doomscrolling clickbait,

I especially watch clickbait, full of iconic hate,

This life will not last,

It light beams by fast,

Why am I web watching anger, when there's sun downs to rate.

I'M IN THE BELLY OF A LITTLE ANT

I sat down in my yard, and many fire ants attacked me,

They were all biting, and kept biting, they would not let me be,

They found me next dawn,

All my flesh was gone,

One little fire ant,  big burped, doing a belly drag, flee.

A TALE OF TWO TUNA TUBS

I bought two tubs of tuna, and found one stinky, rotten, yesterday,

I had left it in the basement, about 16 months ago, I'd say,

The other tuna tub,

Was used to make my sub,

I'm sure I made a massive tuna melt, and that's what I now convey.

POOR GRAMMAR BLOCKING; AT LEAST THEY DON'T BLOCK FOR SPELLING

I have been blocked across the entirety of the world,

Not because of foul words that I have recently unfurled,

All my overnight, blog drama,

Based on how I used a comma,

The nasty, cruel comments, left my hair permanently curled.

JIMMY AND THE BARTENDER BEAR

Jimmy moved all the way to Mars, but he did not like it there,

Until he met a nice, large friend, called the Margarita Bear,

The Bear worked at the Far Mars Bar,

His bartending made him a star,

The Bear was cuddle fury, while Jimmy only had nose hair.

BEST TASTING THING IN THE GARDEN, THE GNOME

For family dinner, I cooked a small, garden gnome,

When I fried his little giblets, he begged to go home,

"I'm awful hungry", I said ,

" Your prolly already dead",

Then his greasy giblets, started to pop and to foam.

"

THE BOOMER GENERATION (LOST IN PLACE)

My big beautiful spaceship, I launched into the air,

I am very afraid that it will need some repair,

Once above a high cloud,

It went"Boom!" kind of loud,,

Big chunks of falling metal, might mess up someone's hair.

SPIKEY SAM'S HAM, JUICE AND JAM😠

We once had a baby, and his name was Spikey Sam,

He liked to sip orange juice while he ate eggs and fried ham,

As egg prices went eagle high,

I could no longer make that buy,

Spikey Sam had to settle for fried ham, toast and jam.

JIMMY TOILET BELLY

Jimmy had some string beans from a can,

They made him puke, now them, Jimmy ban,

Jimmy is a putzy punk,

He eats lots of veggie junk,

At days end, to the toilet, he ran.

I HAD A BEER WAGON, WITH DEER

I bought me a wagon and a couple of reindeers,

The deers haul the wagon, while I sell cups of warm beers,

For violations, I'm arrested,

My long term patience, will be tested,

I will be sitting in prison for maybe, ten years.

TULIP TIP TOEING AND THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

I tip toed through some tulips, and got my foot caught in a bear trap,

I use to love the tulips, but as of now, I'm very unhap,

I will rot away amongst pretty flowers,

My nutrients giving them super powers,

It will not be long until I bleed out, and then my life's a wrap.

DOOMSCROLLING

I've been very, seriously doomscrolling, all the week long,

I watch doom and gloom, while listening to a doom and gloom, song,

Many say I'm a nut,

But I do know what's, what?

Many say I waste my time, and my twisted brain worms, are wrong