SIR CREEPY IS A CANNIBAL.

Sir Denny was the very deadliest fighter, with the ancient foil,

Sir Denny made his foil really shiny, using, coconut oil,

Denny sliced opponents into ham,

Served them for lunch, with a ginger jam,

Then, Denny drops the bones, into his stew pot, then brings them to a boil.

OUR KIDS DON'T GET ALONG

My sister, Katerina, came over to visit me,

Katerina visited, as my retained attorney,

She brought over her male kid,

Boy, oh boy, what that kid did,

He pinched the nose on my cat, Murray, until Murray hid.

I AM A HOBBY DIRT WORKER:: I GROW FOOD

I started my tomatoes, and pepper plants, inside,

I found a window, sunny spot, in my double wide,

It warmed up, at last,

The seeds grew, real fast,

Growing veggie fruits from seeds, gives this garden man, pride.

THE MUSHROOM MINSTREL CONCERT

There were three minstrel mushrooms, who came from outer space,14

They played some old classical tunes, they learned in ancient Thrace,14

Then the minstrels played jazz,

Showed their razzmatazz

Lastly, the minstrels finished, with rap that was in your face.14

IN MEMORY OF MY ONLY TRUE FRIEND, JEEVES

I never should have gone to that party, over at Steve's,

First, I got the botulism, followed by dry, horse heaves,

What else could have gone wrong?

I could not sing my song,

Celebrating the dead poet, our friend we knew, as Jeeves

GOING TRAILER PARK FERAL (2025)

I live in a house made of old tin,

In a tin park, with all of my kin,

On the tin park next door,

My kin wage a great war,

We win, steel all their stuff, then we grin.

THE BIG CAT LOOKS AT ME FUNNY

When cast upon me, is a tigers eye,

He be thinking, onion ring, or French fry,

And, what of my meat?

What parts should he eat?

He's dream tasting the leg, wing, breast and thigh.

POP, GOES THE MAPLE LEAF

It is spring in Michigan, and maple leaves are popping out,

It's like the maple leaves, are giving the warmer sun, a shout,

Now, the robin red breast,

Can build a birdie nest,

And leave babies all safe, while hunting worms that squirm about.

TRINA WENT BASS FISHING, WITH A WORM

Trina went trolling out on a flat lake, with a big plastic worm,

She kept her worm lure close to the boat, to watch the plastic worm squirm,

Trina made only one pass,

When her worm was attacked by a bass,

Trina was so surprised, she fell overboard, and ruined her perm.

PANDA THE CRICKET PLAYER

My panda ate a chili pepper; my panda ate a mouse,

My Panda is not potty trained, so he poops inside my house,

They say my panda plays cricket well,

Don't know the game, so I cannot tell,

My panda does his own laundry, and always folds his own blouse.

MOMMY GOT HER DAY

Daddy's fantastical surprise, made my mommy's big day,

Daddy bought mommy a wild daisy, flower display,

Daddy made cheese salad for lunch,

Gave us each, a glass of red punch,

Then, we all watched out the window, as bird beaks chirped away.14

THE SWAY-BACK, WHO LOVED GRANDPA

Our dear grandpa, rode the old horse to town, that had the severely, swayed back,

We did not know what to tell the horse, after grandpa's fatal, heart attack,

Grandpa made his restaurant rounds,

Grandpa weighed 400 lbs., 

The horse continued the restaurant rounds, with a light footed, clickety clack. 

WHEN I DIE, I'LL BE BROWN LOGGED BY AI

All of my friends and family, have been transferred into an AI, 

Which means they'll live forever, and say brown log, about me when I die,

Even now, I'm their joke,

I'm that dumb, human bloke,

They insist I shouldn't get upset; I respond with a sad, teary cry.  

Michigan English:  Brown Log= 💩

RAVENHOE

I had a pet Raven, and his name was Sir Tim,

He liked to play on the school playground, jungle gym,

He did, in myself, confide,

He was afraid of the slide,

And, the medieval teeter totter, tossed him.

NOCTURNAL BRAIN DRAIN

While asleep last night, out of my ears, leaked my brain,

My entire brain is now, just a bed sheet stain,

I am staying home, sick,

Hope my brain grows back, thick,

If my brain isn't thick enough, out it will drain.

I FOUND A STARSHIP TREASURE SHIP.

I went looking for a treasure ship, and that treasure ship I found,

It's at the bottom of Lake Michigan, buried in the ground,

It is full of old boxed Trekie toys,

For the collector, girls and boys,

Some toys, if a button is pushed, will make an iconic sound.

I WORK IN RETAIL, WHEN I'M NOT DOING FAMOUS STUFF

I use to have pop culture, but I do not know where the Nell, that went,

I use to sing, and dance, and act, and to many venues, I was sent,

Then, my agent called and said, "no more,

Your act is done, you are out the door",

I've been working at big box retailing, to pay my bar tab, and rent.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'LL NEED A BEAVER GUN

I went out canoeing this morning, and ran into a big, beaver damn,

The beaver saw me and started hissing, I saw him, and thought, Easter ham,

I did not have my beaver gun,

So I wrestled him, just for fun,

Now, I'm in his lair, feeding his babies, and missing my fiance, Pam.

TRAVEL WITH SOMEONE SMARTER, THAN YOURSELF

Recently, I traveled to Brazil, but my Portuguese, was flawed,

I searched all my brains, to use the right words, but I hemmed and I hawed,

Pa says it's because, I am dim,

Ma says it's because, I'm like him,

Luckily, my travel mate, has language abilities to laud.

AFTER FAILING MY FINALS, I'M SPINNING MY VINYLS

I love collecting, and listening to music vinyls,

But, this week I need to dedicate my time to finals,

This could be my week of despair,

I'm unattached; no one to care,

If my recordings comfort me, I'll have no anginals.

THE RECKONING: PORCH PIRATE SURPRISE

I laughed, as both my porch pirates, ran away,

With my package, they will not have a great day,

I thought it would be so cool,

To fill a box with dog stool,

Truly, good justice will be done, I do pray.

I ATE THE NEWTS AND RED LIZARD

I decided to be a wizard, and a wizard I would be,

I caught three newts and a red lizard, then steeped them in my mint tea,

I drank down the brew,

Ate its protein crew,

I felt my wizard powers inflating, filling my whole body.

MY QUEST FOR FOOD

I went down to the grocery store, to buy some affordable food,

Nothing in the store, so I tried  the dumpster, where the gulls had all pooed,

It was like a buffet,

But poo was in the way,

I just could not eat a poo thing, although I am one desperate dude.

THE STING AND THE CURSE: A CHIPMUNK STORY

The little chipmunk drank milk from his bowl, while eating a berry,

Then along came buzzing around, a mean, old bumblebee fairy, 

The BBF gave chipmunk a sting,

He put a spell on cute chipmunk, Zing!

The little chipmunk became allergic, to fructose and dairy.

HARD TIMES ON THE FRUIT FARM

My grapes have gone sour, and my berries have been defiled,

By some sort of a blue stink bug, that came out of the wild,

My fruit farm has gone funky,

I'm one unhappy monkey,

I have no sources of income, and my partner's with child.

EASY PEASY SLEAZY, THAT'S ME

I found a brand new, super type of AI,

It writes term papers, like a real human guy,

Some call my cheating, sleazy,

I just like easy peasy,

Roommate says, my scheme is akin to a lie.

WRITING ESSAYS FAST AND EASY

I have two long essays, to write, and turn in today,

If I don't  get them done, I'll fail, my professors say,

There is a new, greater power,

That can write an essay, per hour,

Maybe, the great, AI can write me, into an "A".

MY TRAILER HAS GONE FERAL

The inside of my refrigerator is covered with black mold,

My pots and pans grow algae, and daytime roaches are extra bold,

I don't know what to do, 

About all the mildew,

The house condition is bad; the county says if can't be sold.

MAPLE, HONEY AND BEES

They say my maple syrup tastes like honey,

Now everyone, eyeballs me, real funny,

The trees, are full of bees,

And, when every bee pees,

The syrup be honey flavored, and runny.

NEW EARS EVE

Early tomorrow, I am getting two brand new ears,

They are both completely made, out of Christmas bulb, spheres,

I must watch who I pass,

So they don't break the glass,

If my eardrums get stabbed, it will bring my eyes to tears.

ALLERGIC TO BEES, IS AUNT ELOISE

I looked in my fridge for mayo, for my tuna with peas,

All I could find was some honey, made by some, bumblebees,

It was a nice family dine,

Honey, tuna, peas, tasted fine,

The family liked the mixed flavors, except, Aunt Eloise.

I'M A SUGAR DADDY, WHO IS ABOUT TO GET CANNED

I am swimming in many millions of can empties, from pop that was caned,

I can't take back any of my empty cans, because the brands are store banned,

I need some quick, fast money,

To make happy, my honey,

If I'm honey dumped, I'll be the most unhappy boy, in all of can land.

SHARING MY CHICKEN SKINS

I fried up a big greasy pan, full of chicken skins,

My neighborhood loves them, all my dear kiths, and my kins,

I fried many more than before,

To avoid, a chicken skin war,

Might as well fry enough, that way everyone wins.

BLING KONG

I put on all my beautiful bling,

Went out to do karaoke, a sing,

Then something went, way wrong,

I ran into King Kong,

He striped me, of every gold thing.

FAMILY IN THE MORNING

Little Timmy road his bike, to his new primary school,

Big brother Jerry, stayed home for the day, to play some pool,

Cousin Sammy ironed underwear,

So he'd  be warmed, for cold a.m. air,

 Grandpa Don, needed a nose hair trim, and searched for his tool.

APRIL DUNE

I climbed up a sand dune mountain, too early in the spring,

My bare feet went numb, and my bare fingers, ached with a sting,

A T and shorts, I wore up the hill,

They did not protect me, from the chill,

I ran down dune towards the car heater; fell and broke a wing.

LARRY GETS FOOD FROM ACROSS THE WATER

I went skipping along, my soul.was quite marry, 

I just finished riding a Great Lakes boat ferry,

I am parked by the pier,

The lake pier is quite near, 

I bought food on the mainland, for my  cat, Larry.

LOON LAKE PONTOON

I''m going out on the lake, that is famous for their loon,

Gonna try to see one, while cruising on grandpa's, pontoon,

The old motor has some quirks,

Once warmed up, it often works,

We'll start early, and be back for the hotdog roast at noon.

TRINA WENT TO TOWN

Trina went to town, for a beef sandwich, with gobs of melted , cheddar cheese,

She tells them to hold the tomato, because tomatoes make Trina wheeze,

When Trina gets home, she does dental hygiene,

Unlike grandpa, Trina's teeth are white, and clean,

Grandpa's teeth have rotted all away, so he has to spoon-mash his split peas.

MY DAILY REPORT

For every May Day, I get wired,

Then May Day pole dancing makes me tired,

Then I go home,

Do a doomscroll roam,

Drink skunky beer, then sleep, as desired. 

BIG SISTER AND THE RED BEDBUGS

My big sister has the red bedbugs, she's had them for eleven years,

She won't tell our mama, because she's afraid mama will come to tears,

To kill the bugs away,

I helped big sister spray,

The spray helped the bugs lay more eggs, now bugs are falling from sister's, ears.

THE TOAD, FROG TONGUE SONG SUNG

I once knew a toad, and he was very young,

He had a toad body, but a long, frog tongue,

His tongue lashed out to the sky,

As he caught every fly,

That's when I wrote down, this new song I just sung.

THE WAY IT WAS, BEFORE I SOLD FROG

I use to have a store job, and  work daily, but got laid off from the store,

The owner said, he could not buy stuff to sell at a profit, anymore,

For some food, I sold my stuffed frog,

To pay rent, I video blog,

I only wish my world would return back, to the way it was before.

LOOK BOTH WAYS, AND UP

I drove my car up to the train tacks, in a little, rural town,

I looked for the train one way, up, and the other way, I looked down,

I geared my car into humming,

Across the tracks I was coming,

An airplane fell on top of my head, now I wear an Angel's gown.

THE ALPHA TETHERBALL TERROR, THAT'S ME

I don't like playing the Ducky, Ducky Goosey game,

I'm a bit chubby, and heavy, and my legs go lame,

I'm a little bit tall,

So, I like tetherball,

No one else will play, because I play too rough, and maim.

PIKE, BETSY AND MIKE

I write all of my limericks, listening to "Sweet Betsy From Pike",

That is why in my school records, they described me as a sick"psych",

I loved that old ditty, since I was a young tike,

I'd listen to it, when I drove my  motorbike,

At night I would sing a rendition, to my squirrel friend, Big Mike.

EATING MISS MAISY

I'd often take my cow, Maisy out on a woods walk,

She'd soothe me with soft moos, while I unwound with thought talk,

One day, a lion came by roaring

I left Miss Maisy, she was boring,

The lion was  wanting cow, that's the one I would stalk.

ME SELLS SEASHELLS BY THE SEASHORE

My condo down in Florida, the big bank has whisked away,

I lost my money in the stock market; it is not my day,

I'll move to an Island, called Canary,

There I'll chill, listening to Chuck Barry,

I'll become simple, selling my seashell, jewelry display.

MA AND HER BANNED BOY WORDS

When I woke and worked out, my big mouth got me constantly canned,

Now my foul tongue waving, language, got this internet boy, banned,

The public says I speak turds,

But, my ma taught me my words,

How ma could be so wrong in her thinking, I don't understand.

BREAKFAST TEA AND MARSHMALLOWS

I placed little marshmallows on top of my breakfast tea,

The marshmallows top floated, and melted on that brown sea,

They made my tea real sweet,

Like the sugar of beet,

But, they're not nearly as tasty as the honey of bee.

AI BITES

My neighbor's AI, made a lizard monster, that likes sitting outside my door,

Every time I try leaving my house, I hear a great cautionary roar,

I sent the kids outside to play

The monster ate them, right away,

I ordered pizza, and the pizza box got ruined, because of blood and gore.

BAKED BEANS ON A STOOL

I went into a public restroom, and it needed multiple cleans,

The white floor was all covered, with chicken livers, and bluegill fish, spleens,

One stool was real busted,

Another, brown crusted,

The last stool was sat upon, by a man eating a can of baked beans.

WORMS, AND FINGERS, AND BRAINS, AND NOSE

Tyler thought he had a brain worm, up inside his big, pink head,

But, it was just his longest finger, so Tyler didn't go dead,

Tyler twisted his finger, all about,

But, his skinny finger would not come out,

A barmaid chopped the finger off; Tyler drank his self to bed.  

THE LOLLIPOP POEM OF REMEMBERANCE

They said "bye, bye", to their lollipops, when their lollipops were no more,

The pops were cute colored, and fruit flavored, causing the mouths to want more,

The cute pops did not want to die,

The last crunch, teared the licker's eye,

The death of all the lollipops, means another trip down to the store.

JIMMY TOOK A FERRY BOAT

Jimmy took a big ferry boat, out to see the amazing, Michigan, Sioux Locke's,

The Sioux Locke's were so very frightening to see, Jimmy sweat wet, his new, blue socks,

The Ferry was called, "The Abigail",

Powered with motors, not a wind sail,

The Abigail sank, losing passengers and crew, when it hit Canadian rocks.

TEARS FROM THE TREES

I went to the old oak forest, with my big chainsaw in hand,

I was there to attack trees, because I don't like where they stand,

The trees all started crying,

Afraid they'd soon start dying,

I cut the trees down, and made firewood, that was what I planed.  

I AM THE BOWLER, WEB TROLLER, AND SCROLLER OF DOOM

I spend all my day, economic doomscrolling,

I spend most all evenings, amateur bowling,

I play my new flute, it's a Pan,

Spoon garbanzo beans from a can,

When feeling real mean, I go online, web trolling.

THUNDER BUGS ARE COMING

When the sky is full of bright stars, but distant rumblings, make you wonder,

If soon the sky will be cloudy, save for flashing lightning, with thunder,

Although you seek, mommy hugs,

Rest assured, it's just bugs,

Bugs that set upon, attacking a quiet evening, to plunder.

BUGS AND MY EGG NOODLES, OH DEAR

Cooking egg noodles has always been my big dream,

I cook noodles all day, filling my house with steam,

The kids, all day shout,

To let the steam out,

But, then bugs come in, and bugs pee more than they seem.

BERNIE THE BEAVER, TOOTHED TREES FOR THE KING

Bernie was a big toothed beaver, and he toothed down thousands of big trees,

Bernie knew just how to fall them, checking the soil type, and the breeze,

Bernie checked wind speed and direction,

Studied soil types, for perfection,

Bernie felled his tress spot on, tight, and the king beaver, Bernie did please.