MY SPACE TRAVEL ADVENTURE

I was in my spacecraft, traveling at the speed of light,

I should have installed some headlamps, so I could see at night,

I ran into a saber-toothed space-bear,

Cracked open my ship, and leaked out my air,

Space bear will eat me, and I do not think it is alright.

THE CHOO CHOO CRUSHED MY PLANE

My little plane got hit by a chocho train, and my plane got all messed up,

I was not able to make it home tonight, and I did not get my sup,

I got a ticket and went to jail,

There I will stay; I cannot make bail,

I just hope I can fix my plane, so I can fly up, up, up, up.

SMELL INTERPRETATION

I love to dumpster dive, because I like the smells,

Things that are really smelly, have their special tells,

The things that smell awfully sour,

Belonged to people of power,

And farmy smells, belonged to farmers in the dells. 

ATTACK OF THE WOLVERINE

The vicious wolverine bit off my middle toe,

I doubt I can get another mid-toe to grow,

He ripped out my lungs and face,

Fast, like he was in a race,

He ran off with my spleen, dragging it through the snow,

THE BEAST OF SUMER VALLEY

The beast that lives in Sumer Valley,

Eats the peasants, quite a tally,

He will jelly them for toast,

Or for dinner, a lamb roast,

With pitchforks and torches, the peasants will rally.

I DON'T GROW PLANTS TO FREEZE

I am hoping spring will get here real soon,

I've started seeds growing, to plant in June,

If it's too cold,

My plants, I'm told,

Will freeze to death, with the rising new moon.

THE THREE TASTY TROLLS AND THE DRAGON

There were three evil trolls way out in the deep woods,

They were snacking on good Little Red Riding Hoods,

A hungry dragon was flying,

Thought the evil trolls worth trying,

Sometimes dragons do evils, sometimes they do goods.

SIS THE WEASEL LIMERICK

There once was a mean weasel named Sis,
If you came near, she would start to hiss,
When Sis was a wee babe,
She was bit by brother Gabe,
Sis was a weasel that no one dared kiss.

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SOUP ON MY CINNAMON ROLL, YUCKY

Eating soup was my goal,

Bought a plastic bowel,

Did not see it had a hole,

On my food it took a toll,

Got wet my cinnamon roll.

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MISDEMEANOR BOB WITHOUT BAIL

Bob went to court, and a very mean judge was there,

Bob smiled real pretty, but that judge did not care,

Bob had no money for bail, 

So, he went to county jail,

They furnished Bob a jumpsuit, but no underwear.

THE VAMPIRE PLOTS REVENGE

They chopped off my head, and put me in a deep, cold grave,

They piled on some heavy rocks, so I wouldn't misbehave,

I crawled out of my dead bed,

Crowned my shoulders with my head,

Then I hunted villagers, and fresh made blood they gave.

WHO HAS THE BLUEST MOON? LIMERICK

Nightly News Blue Moon

My Blue Moon

So, last night's moon was big and blue,

It was still not much worth looking to,

And, for ten minutes of views,

I missed the night news,

Where they showed the moon in a much bluer hue.

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FRED THE DRAGON, PICKY EATS

I knew this fire breathing dragon, named Fred,

He wouldn't eat anything, unless it was dead,

In his belly, Fred did carry,

A big, vast pet cemetery,

Fred kept dead insects snacks, underneath his bed.

MICRO MOONS AND LITTLE DIPPPERS

I saw a micro moon in the cloudy nighttime sky,

It was so darn cloudy, the moon almost missed my eye,

I'm not into little moons,

Little dippers or baby spoons,

Because all things are small tonight, I will bid you bye.

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SIR DIRK THE NOBLE KNIGHT

Sir Dirk was a very noble knight,
Fire breathing Dragons he would fight,
He once shipped off to France,
With a long metal lance,
And the dragons all ran out of sight.

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THE SKUNK WHO LOWERED HIS CHOLESTEROL

Derek the skunk liked his eggs in the morn,
So he went into the chicken coop where the eggs were born,
Then the chickens got mad,
And treated poor Derek bad,
So Derek breakfasted by eating field corn.  

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PUP WELL DRAINED?

Mary was so ashamed,

Her puppy was not toilet trained,

The pup did know the score,

He did his job out the door,

But, came back in and was not fully drained.

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DINO RAMPAGE

The dinosaur in my crawlspace, ate my dog and cat,

I told him it wasn't funny, and that he was not all that!

That big buns dino turd,

Never heard one word,

He ate my sister Sarah, and my little brother Pat.

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THE DEER HUNT AND THE BAT LIMERICK

I climbed up a tree to hunt deer with my bow,
A big buck I targeted and was good to go,
But, the tree where I sat,
Was the home of a bat,
I then panicked and shot off my big toe.  

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JIMMY GOES POOF

Some long icicles fell off the barn roof,

They knocked poor Jimmy off of his tall hoof,

Jimmy needed a warm fire,

So he lit up a truck tire,

Jimmy was too close, and Jimmy went poof.

THE WALRUS POSE LIMERICK

John  thought he'd strike a walrus pose,
So, he stuck two straws way up his nose,
He thought he’d be funny,
But, his nose became runny,
He dripped down the front of his clothes.

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I FOUND A NICKEL, WHEN I PLANTED MY CHERRY

I bought a cute, little cherry tree, and put it in the ground,

I put a steak in beside it with a pound, pound, pound, pound, pound,

So the cherry tree would not break,

I tied it firmly to the stake,

My dig turned up something shinny, a new nickel I done found.

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THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM REMASTERED

Johnny was captured, and taken to the pit,

He got cut by a pendulum, that was it,

He got cut in half,

Infected with staff,

Now Johnny has no way that he can sit.

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I COME FROM A PLANET WITH TWO SUNS AND TWO MOONS LIMERICK

I come from a planet with two suns and two moons,
Many groves of apple trees line up in platoons,
It never turns night,
You live only in light,
You can eat lunch twice cause there are two noons.

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GREEN GOES THE MELTING SNOW

I got tired of snow so, I painted the snow grass green,

I covered my yard and I thought it looked keen,

But, the city via citation disagreed,

Said as the snow melts into roads the paint would bleed,

The cleanup made my wallet real lean.

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FISHING WITH A DINGY

I rowed my dingy out onto the bay,
I hoped to catch fish from dusk until day,
But, just after dark,
Along came a shark,
Now in the shark’s belly I lay.

I took out my dingy to fish for crappies,
But, I ran into turtles that I call snappies,
They snapped my dingy in two,
I was on their menu,
My demise gave the snappies the happies.

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I WILL BE ONE WITH THE LAWN

The doctor said to me, soon I'd be all gone,

I would probably not make it, until dawn,

Tainted preserve spread,

Was making me dead,

I'll soon be greening up a small plot of lawn.

I HIDE FROM GLOWING SPACE ALIENS

I think that I'd better hide,

There are space aliens glowing outside,

I've got nothing to fear,

Unless, I think life dear,

But, I'm a coward and in that I take pride.

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TAXES,AND TOILET WINE

I do not mind filing taxes each and every single  year,

It's paying the taxes, fines, interest and fees, that causes fear,

If I happen to fail,

I will spend time in jail,

There I'll be making wine in my toilet, and never taste a beer.

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FILING MY TAXES: I MIGHT GET PROBATION IN FOUR

Filing my taxes feels stressful, like war,

 My receipts are scattered all over, the floor, 

 My cats all go whiz, 

 All over my biz, 

 I might get probation, in four.

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STARTING PLANTS INDOORS

I bought a bag of potting soil to start pepper plants inside,

I grow amazing, pretty pepper plants that are my joy and pride,

I transplant them to pots on my deck,

I grow amazing peppers by the peck,

I feed them to my pigs and chickens, and so far, none of them have died.

FORSAKE ME NOT MY JELLYROLL

Forsake me not my jellyroll,
I need said roll to guide my soul,
The flavors are Zen,
It's perfection, a ten,
Glazed bread with a sweet fruit-filled hole.

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MANGE PUT WORK OUT OF RANGE

I played with my quite doggy, and I caught a case of mange,

Then when I went to work, people looked at me real strange,

Someone made a big fuss,

I got kicked off the bus,

Unfortunately, my work was beyond my walking range.

I DIGS A HOUND HOLE FOR MY FRIEND 2

My dearest friend in the world, the hound, he died,

The ancient woodland fairies, they cried and cried,

I put my hound in the hole,

Said "fare thee well", to his soul,

The fit was real tight, because the hole wasn't wide.

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THE ANIMAL LANGUAGES RHYME

My turtle named Herman could speak only German,
My pet fish Louise spoke just Japanese,
My little pet finch could speak only French,
My dolphin named Wendy only spoke Hindi,
My pet snake named Vanish spoke nothing but Spanish,
My big goose named Maelic just spoke words in Gaelic,
My tame honey bees conversed Portuguese,
My doggy named Patton knew no words but Latin,
And, Albert the cat just listened and sat.    

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A SPIDER NAMED NELLIE LIMERICK

A spider named Nellie lived under the stairs,
This spider named Nellie was afraid of big bears,
She would never go outside,
Under the stairs she would hide,
Counting each of her forty-one graying hairs.

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PIT AND THE GIT

Donny was a really mean, awful git,

Donny had a big bulldog, he called Pit,

Donny teased him with meat, 

But wouldn't let poor Pit eat,

Pit bit off Donny's buns, now he can't sit.

ZOOM DOCTORS DECIDE

I met with four crazy doctors on the Zoom,

They discussed the condition causing my gloom,

They said don't bother to retire,

For I was about to expire,

They said I should contemplate my pending doom.

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WHEN THE FIRST BIRDS BUILT A NEST JIMMY CHEERED

When the first birds built a nest Jimmy cheered,
For the winter lasted longer than he feared,
His food was all gone,
He had no stuff left to pawn,
All he had left was to chew on his beard.

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Meeting

Tracy went to Sarnia to visit the Prince,

Poor, old Mr. Tracy has not been heard from since,

Dan went to Hope,

To visit the Pope,

The visit went well, except meeting was tense.

MY TIME MACHINE BROKE DOWN II

My time machine broke down back in Ancient Rome,
I met Nero Czar and he was a weird little gnome,
He'd sit out in his flower garden,
Passing gas and saying "pardon",
Then, he'd spout some idiotic poem.

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MY BIRD SONG

Many birds are here this spring,

Doing their tweet and pecking thing,

Building nests beneath roofs, in trees,

All busy parents the shes and hes,

Seeds and bugs to their young they bring,

And, joy to the babies moms and daddies sing.

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THE GHOSTED TIME TRAVELERS

On my brand new time-ship, everything went all blurry,

As some particles slowed, others started to hurry,

I felt my particles collide,

Pretty sure we all died,

At least now that I am dead, I don't have to worry.

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MY SPACESHIP CRASHED, AGAIN

Because I used repurposed tin,

My spaceship fell apart again,

No trip out to Mars,

Let alone the stars,

A crashing spaceship is no win.

MONDAY, I'M OFF TO WORK

Monday morning I am soar,

I am tired and could sleep some more,

I was a weekend rowdy,

My mind is still cloudy,

I can't remember how to open the door.

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WHAT I FED MY PET TROLL

I had a pet troll I kept under a bridge,

I made him a troll house out of a non-working fridge,

I fed him crackers and cheese,

For a treat frosty freeze,

With chips known for their wave and their ridge.

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I GOT A JOB IN DAIRY OUT ON PLANET X

I was abducted by an alien that landed a ship from outer space,

I knew he/she was an alien because her/his eyes glowed on his/ her face,

She/he took me to a store/farm,

She/he offered me no harm,

But he/she said I'd be milking cows and stocking the dairy case.

MICKEY THE PICKY

Mickey The Picky, was a big, meany grouch,

He laid around and complained, from his stuffed couch,

That made mom and dad,

Fell terribly sad,

So they gave Mickey many coins for his coin pouch.

HENRY IS SICK

Henry ate a great big plate of green, raw, frozen clams,

Henry barfed at the fun party at the house of Sam's,

Henry walked his way back home,

Past where was the Silverdome,

Henry remembered the Lions win, against the Rams.

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BEN DOES THE SNOW

Ben's driveway was covered with snow,

Ben decided to give it a blow,

Ben is just a big slob,

He did one sloppy job,

Then he cleaned off the ice with a hoe.

FEEDING THE WEREWOLF

I was out in my garden, sitting in my summer seat,

Waiting for the werewolf, for he was coming for his meat,

I heard a crackling in the wood,

Behind me, the werewolf stood,

I felt his hot breath, his teeth, and he proceeded to eat.

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THE BANANA LIMERICK

I left my bananas on my kitchen counter top,
The bananas ripened and ripened, I din't think they could stop,
Then, I noticed one day,
My bananas had ripened away,
Leaving behind a runny, gooey slop.

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VINCENT PLAYED THE SAXOPHONE

Vincent played the saxophone,
He was completely deaf to tone,
He sounded like Jazz,
But, had no pizzazz,
For pay they would throw him a bone.

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HAM FLAVORED CLERKY MANAGER

A lion walked into a grocery store, looking for a plump clerk,

The clerks were all very thin and busy, rushing around their

 work,

A portly mean manager, named Sam,

Was yelling, and smelled like ham,

The lion hauled Sam out the door, and fed her cubs ham flavored jerk.

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THE BARGAIN STORE

I went shopping for bargains at the bargain store,
But, when I wanted a bargain I ended up paying more,
I went consumer empowered,
But, with high prices got showered,
I came home with high priced items and poor.

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THE TOAST GHOST

Mr. Eddie was a mean, nasty, old ghost,

He liked to paint pictures on my French toast,

He used my berry jelly,

A gift from aunt Ellie,

His paintings of spiders, scarred me the most.

THE CEILING

A ceiling keeps me from getting totally wet,

It keeps some snow out, so mommy don't get upset,

Then there is dad,

He is macho bad,

If he'd just put up walls, we'd be better off, yet.

THE SINGING SNAPDRAGONS (A BOY BAND ODYSSEY)

Seven little snapdragons were swimming in the salt sea,

They climbed aboard my fishing boat, and sang sweet songs to me,

 I took them back to my dump,

Sat them out on a fresh stump,

Where the snapdragons all sang in cute boy band harmony.

COLLECTING A BOUNTY ON A YETTI

I went to the Michigan Yetti Fair,

All the very famous yettis were there,

I went to that county,

To claim a yetti bounty,

The proceeds would make my debts all go square.

PITBULL DANCER

Rene  had a pretty dancing Pitbull, named Trina,

Rene trained Trina to dance like a real ballerina,

Trina danced the Pirouette,

From daybreak, until sunset,

When Trina went outside, she'd pee on a Gardena.