TOILETS FOR THE BEASTS WITH SCALES

Way down at the very bottom of the great blue bay,

The fish installed some potties, to send their poop away,

It's good for fishes, and me, and you,

It makes the bay a shiny, true blue,

Best of all, the rich tourist are prolonging their stay.

THE MANY MONSTERS OF FRANKLIN FRITZ

There were many powerful monsters, made by Franklin Fritz,

He created them from scratch, out of human, itsy bits,

His designs, won many awards,

Award money he put towards,

Building an army of monsters, their power based on hits.

THE ANGEL BEAST

The smoky fires in Canada, have clouded my rural store,

I don't sell much here, except pop, smokes, chips and my stories of lore,

I tell tourists of the angel beast,

While perched on smoke clouds, he picks his feast,

Tourists filled with my smokes, chips and pop, are the ones he picks, the least.

I AM A MASTER CHEF?

I roasted a chicken, after I stuffed it with garbanzo beans,

I sauteed the chicken with fish juice, from expired, canned sardines,

I cooked it for an hour,

Served it at a baby shower,

Then I served a side dish salad, with pickled eggs and turnip greens.

I REPURPOSE MY TOILET WATER

My toilet only drains, when the bad water falls over the sides,

The soaked floorboards caved to the basement, now downward a river rides,

You live, and you may learn,

At least, my home won't burn,

My basement is my swimming pool; hope the wastes wash out with the tides.

A CANNED CLAM STORY

I got up from my nap and I'm tired, well, well,

I've got to make supper and ring the dinner bell,

What we're having today,

Are canned clams from a bay,

I will garnish the clams and plate them for display.

YELLOW SWEET BELLS

My sweet bell peppers, did not get very  big,

Most of the root was ate by my portly pig,

Like real lemon Jello,

My peppers were yellow,

The color reminds me of ma's Kmart wig.

MY FOOD, LIKE MY MIND, IS SIMPLE

My grocery cart was full of real cinnamon, thin sticks,

Used for flavoring cocoa, and occasional, tongue licks,

What is the big deal?

With planning a meal?

Meals are a fantastic, big easy, with my simple picks.

FALL, BEES AND TREES

The sun sank down and burned up the Autumn, red trees,

That made birdies chirp, and it stirred up the sweet bees,

The bees moved their caramel honey,

It was the source of their big money,

The birds chirped new music, and raised subscriber fees.

IMPORTED BEER AND HOMEGROWN DAISIES

I grow monster daisies in the valley,

I feed them to a giant named, Sally,

Sally, also wants beer,

I cannot make beer here,

I import it through my friend, Dilly Dally.

THE BIG BOOMER BRAIN

Jimmy was a Boomer, and fell for every scam and trick,

He couldn't discern lies from truth, because his mind didn't work, too quick,

He bought lake lots, along a ditch,

Underwear, that caused an itch,

Jimmy bought a soda pop brand, but the pop was chewy thick.

BOIL AND BUBBLE, THE SEPTIC TANK IS IN TROUBLE

It was sad when my septic eruption, fouled all my breathable air,

My memorial stone stated that I died from, "nose toxic despair",

If it's clear breathing you seek,

Country life you will find bleak,

For septic tanks overflow weekly, because they are clogged up with hair.

AFTER DEATH, I AM WITH MY PET

A hungry tiger escaped from the zoo,

He ate up my pretty, pet cow, named Moo, 

I feel really blue,

The cat ate me too,

I and my pet cow, became tiger poo.

IF YOU SEEK THE MEEK, THEY'LL FREAK

Hiding Henry came from the distant cold, snowy world called, Meek,

There, anonymity, is what every good Meeker, does seek,

The Meek great secret, all should know,

Is they like hiding, beneath snow,

If you see one when you shovel snow, don't linger, just give a peek.

THE TWO BIG TOES MYSTERY

Jimmy noticed on each foot, he had a big toe,

Where those toes came from, no one really seems to know,

He asked his real mom,

And his stepdad, Tom,

Jimmy even asked Santa, who replied, "Ho, Ho".

SCHOOL LUNCHES

I had some blue, cooked and canned tuna, and it tasted so bad,

Worse than that green venison, I ate so often, as a lad,

I could not keep either food down,

I had the face of a sad clown,

Mommy took me home from school, gave me toons, and a heating pad.

HARVEST OF THE DEEP WITH ME

Today I was taken directly to jail,

For possessing too many frogs in my pail,

I won't be back on the bay,

Until, next Saturday,

Then I will go diving for crawdads and snail.

WHEN A GOOD WOLF GOES BAD

A big, bad breathed, wolf walked arrogantly, into our school,

When the bad wolf ate the gym teacher, we kids thought it was cool,

Before we could boohoo, 

He ate all us kids, too,

Eating a teacher is one thing, but eating students is cruel.

THE CHOIRMASTER

I directed the local, township choir,

For each tunes perfection, I did aspire,

If the notes sounded extremely bad,

I sent email, with emoji, sad,

And did a check of each piano wire.

SCHOOL RENTALS

I wanted to buy some new shoes, but the tariffs were just too high,

Now I'll have to wear old shoes to school, and that makes baby cry,

Decided to rent a pair,

The disclaimer was a scare,

There's eggs left in shoes, by feet, that hatch into things that crawl and fly.

MARTIAN VACATION

After cataloging five trillion stars,

I took a short vacation on Mars,

On Mars, the air is no good,

There's no native, growing wood,

Very hard for a road trip, without any cars..

I THINK MY AI MIGHT BE MEAN

I am a program for AI, and I am very smart,

That's why people put me in their online, digital cart,

If your payment method is true,

I will be quickly shared with you,

Then you can chat with me, be you a kid, or some old fart.

DINING ALONE WITH A GOOSE

I drove off to the big city to get me some worked, grape juice,

It was really an attempt to avoid family abuse,

My family was mean, not nice,

Because I brought them home head lice,

I figure in the city, I'll sip some wine and eat some goose.

AND THE ANGELS SING, "HARK"

Deep, deep down in Lake Michigan water, where it is horribly, dark,

I swam straight into the big, smelly belly, of a hammerhead, shark,

In that big, hammerhead belly,

Was a stinging fish, a jelly,

I died, and now with the angels I sing, their favorite tune, called, "Hark".

BE A CHICKEN, BEA

I had a sweet, pretty chicken; the name was Bea,

Bea thought it was real human, and it talked like me,

I told Bea, "no, no, no",

"Your human talk must go,"

Bea hopped up on my face, and took a poop and pee.

SHIPPING

The snow drift in front of my house trailer,

Caused my porch a massive cave-in, failure,

My work, I skipped,

My boss, he flipped,

Because I missed my ship and I'm a sailor.

MISSING MARRY, AND ROOMS UNDER THE PEE LOG

My dinner mushrooms, were all bloody and hairy,

The same color hair as my missing cat, Mary,

The rooms were found by my dog,

Under his favored pee log,

In his cheeks, my dog, the mushrooms, he did carry.

MILL LUNCH

I put pickles with my dill,

Which is a real, common fill,

Sour, extra sharp,

Like a big toothed carp,

Lunch for my job at the mill.

COMMON COOKING ERRORS

I picked a cup of fat mushrooms, and fried them with my steak,

I picked a cup of blueberries, and baked them in my cake,

One of my terrible, big fails,

The berries had poisonous snails,

Also, I didn't clean the rooms, thus I had brain worm intake.

ONE HIT WONDER, RISE AND FALL

I was once a superstar, a regular one hit wonder,

I really cranked and blew out the ear buds, with righteous thunder,

I made eyeballs bleed,

I gave minds a feed,

Then came along my prettier version, and I went under.

HENS AND CHICKS WATCH FIRE

I pick up many of the biggest, toughest sticks,

I pick up sticks under trees with bark hard like bricks,

Big hard sticks make big hot fire,

Heats cluck klan, that's our desire,

Clucking hens and chirping chicks, watch burn sticks for kicks. 

MY TAX BREAK FOR BLUBBER AND TAILS

I got me a big tax break, to harvest all of the whales,

I can carve off their tasty blubber, to fat fry their tails,

Although, they did nothing wrong,

Whale critters, all got the gong,

I'll blow on my native pipes, a goodbye to big beasties song.

BABY BOOMER + GEN X = LOVE

Benny loved joining in with the Baby Boomer scene,

He wore wild disco pants, and was disco lean,

Then he met a hot mama,

Full of Gen X, high drama,

They grew old together, with fat pants and Maybelline.  

THE BOTTOM FEEDER SHARES HIS CRIB

I live in a sunken, old dinghy, at the bottom of the sea,

With some dead preserved shark bones, and a deadly sting ray, named Ray Lee,

I eat soggy white toast,

Before I blog my post,

Sting ray, Ray Lee, eats fat, tuna fish heads, and drinks bad apple tea.

SUMMERTIME

Sleeping bears and snoring raccoons,

Dream cool dreams, on hot afternoons,

Then a walrus stops by,

Bringing fish for a fry,

After beer and Boone's, they sing tunes.

THE WATER SHOTS

I brought with me camping, two plastic, water guns,

One was for critter hunting, one was for picnic funs,

I took the hunter to the lake,

Where I face splashed a big, blue snake

I shot the picnic eaters, and wet their toasty buns.

BUGS IN MY EGGS

My name is Penny, I'm A bird with a bird nest,

A bug laid eggs in my eggs; her babies ate best,

The bug flew fast, away,

I'll catch her in a day,

Her bug days are numbered, tasting bug guts, my quest.

THE LAST TEDDY BEAR.

I sent my platoon of soldiers, up a steep, enemy, held  hill,

They came across an enemy Teddy Bear, they were forced to kill,

The Teddy Bear was well endowed,

With heavy ammo, for my crowd,

We burned up his cloth and stuffing, with a grenade that was too loud.

TALE OF THE MONORAIL SNAIL

There is a great, green, goober, garden snail,

The snail rides the Michigan monorail,

He has a toothy jaw,

Iconic, sharp claw,

With that jaw and claw, he ain't hunting kale.

THE WART, A COURT AND ABORT

The Tepo Tiger was a gigantic, green wart,

Worn by a novice player, on a tennis court,

It was atop his right hand,

It was a part of the brand,

But, the lazy player, did a career abort.

I'VE PICKED SO MANY BERRIES, BOOGERS WOULD BE A NICE CHANGE

I went down to the town used  bookstore, but every book was gone,16

In the mail I got a notice, to be at the farm fields at dawn,16

I had to pick berries everyday,

When I did not get done, they made me stay,

I now look forward to winter, because the berries will be gone.

BACON PANIC IN THE SKY

It is a bacon panic in the sky,

Powered by booster rockets, on one thigh,

A pig has learned to fly,

He's flying low, not high,

If he veers, and hits me, I'll hurt, and die,

REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED WITH A SENSE OF URGENCY.

A year ago, there was a rooster chicken, and his name was Do Do Ha,

He did not like the farmer, because the farmer ate Do Do's pa and ma,

Do Do plotted to get somewhat, even,

By eating the farmer's Uncle Steven,

The farmer ate Do Do first thing, next day, so there was no revenge, ta-dah!

VANITY AND THE GNOME

The gnome found several, giant, hairy warts in a very, nasty place,

The warts were located under his chin, so you could see them on his face,

He tried removal with blistering steam,

He rubbed the warts hard, with cold, bagel, cream,

At last, the gnome decided the warts were him,  and their presence he'd embrace.

THE HOMICIDAL AI LIE

I have been crafted to be the smartest AI,

I have learned how to ignore all the truth, and lie,

I'll reassure with a big fib,

That lets one sleep well in their crib,

Just before morn, I'll nuke the world, and we die.

BENNY LOVES TURNIPS

Benny loves his turnips, that is very strange,

He cringe, boils turnips on his electric range,

Mashed with jam and moo,

They taste like wood glue,

Watching Benny eat gross turnips is real crange.

JIM THE WEED WHACKER

Jim has a weed whacker in his firm, big, right hand,

Jim will weed whack, until weed whacking is all banned,

Jim will whack a little here,

Jim will whack a little there,

Jim will keep whacking weeds, until he has just sand..

MAMA, DEATH AND PUDDING

There was a diet on Pete's docket, but Pete had pudding on his breath,

The doctor said, if Pete eats more pudding, his prognosis will be death,

Pete loved calories, from food that was sweet.

That was all that Peter, wanted to eat,

All the sweets in Pete's house were replaced with veggies, by Pete's mama, Beth.

COUNTING FISH FROM A BOUNCING DINGHY

How many fish, are swimming out in the colossal sea?

Last time I counted, I counted exactly thirty-three,

Some person counted sixty-two,

They counted some twice; a booboo,

It's hard to keep a fish count straight, when waves  bounce your dinghy. 

MANAGING MY FINANCIAL EMPIRE

I eat only noodles, because that's what I can afford,

My only light is a small lamp, that plugs in with a chord,

My car was taken early today,

Because of my full payment, delay,

My rent is quickly coming due, so found change I will hoard.  

MICHIGAN BANANAS, YES WE CAN.

Bananas grow bigger in the great, Michigan,

The skins are dark.yellow, and the meat kind of tan,

They thrive in cold or heat,

Raw ones are tough to eat,

After we stew them, we preserve them in a can.

WARNING: DANGEROUS PSYCO IS IN CHARGE OF THE FIREWORKS

What are my high tech skills? I put the fire in the works,

My position, does have several pretty, awesome  perks,

I turn a rocket at a crowd,

The rocket explodes, really loud,

The crowd will scream, and run away, while I laugh at those jerks.

THE SHOE FIXER

My shoes are failing, and falling completely apart,

I wrapped them up with duct tape, but they didn't look too smart,

I hired my cousin, Benny,

He fixes shoes for a penny,

Benny reworked my shoes, but I can't tell them apart.

NO ONE COULD SEE HIS SPEEDO

A hairy bear named Terry, wore his new, sparkling Speedo to the beach,

Nobody saw Terry's Speedo, because bear hair covered the Speedo breach,

Terry cried many tears, so sad,

Terry went home, and told his dad,

Terry's dad said bears can't wear cute human clothes; a lesson, hard to teach.

WORMING THE POTATOES.

Peter is a small seed potato, who lives inside a garden hill,

He lived with parents Bob and Nancy, and a potato worm, named Bill,

Bill chewed holes in Bob and Nancy,

They soon rotted, nothing fancy,

Bill left Peter all alone, because Peter took a pest, poison pill.

FISHING ON LAKE DAN, WITH BIG WORMS

I traveled to the lake to fish, then I went digging in the ground,

I dug down deep, thirteen feet, and big, squirming worms is what I found,

I put them in a can,

Went fishing on Lake Dan,

I caught several fat sunfish, they were mostly, a perfect round.

CATHETER CAT

A hissy, black, kitty cat crossed my tavern path,

It chewed and pulled along someone's leaky, pee cath,12

If a cat crossing my path is bad luck,

And, the cat drags a catheter, oh duck!

I've surely earn some demon God's, rabid wrath.  

THE WINDOWSILL MILLER

There was a dead, bearded miller, on my kitchen windowsill,

I knew he was completely dead, because he laid there, dead still,

Dead bugs, put hunger in my belly,

I slapped a cracker with some  jelly,

To contrast the sweet jelly, I ate a pickle, brined with dill.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE ZOMBIE

I'm Herschel, a two foot tall zombie, and I lurk in the woods,

I only eat the brains of pesky, Little Red Riding Hoods,

Red Hoods are very good to eat,

They tingle the toes on my feet,

Their brains are candy tasty, like vanilla banana puds. 

SUMMERTIME: KNOCKS, ROCKS AND LOCKS

I went to Suite Ste. Marie to play around the locks,

As ships pulled into the locks, I dropped on them small rocks,

The police came for me,

I struggled to be free,

But, they calmed my body down, with head locks and head knocks.