2012 WILL SOON BE REVEALED

Soon 2012 will be revealed,
Then, we will know if our fate is sealed,
Should we have fun?
Or, should we run?
Or, will our infirmities be healed.

MY PRESENT FROM SANTA WEIGHED FIFTY POUNDS LIMERICK

My present from Santa weighed nearly fifty pounds,

I figured it was a TV with audio that surrounds,

I opened my present fast to reach my goal,

But, it was just a huge lump of coal,

I guess my naughtiness has been way out of bounds.

 

I WENT TO SELL MY STOCKS ON CHRISTMAS DAY

I went to sell my stocks on Christmas Day,
For I needed to buy presents and no way to pay,
But, Wall Street was closed,
I was totally hosed,
I’d better skip town right away.

MY MOM HAD A PORCELAIN PIG

My mom had a porcelain pig,
I knocked it on the floor,
When it flew into a million pieces,
Mom through me out the door,

 I then wandered without a home,
My finances were broke,
 I tried to live at the Astrodome,
 The police sent me to the poke,

 I finally found a place to stay,
I was meant all along for jail,
Everyone finds their place someday,
If they cannot raise the bail. ,

I NEED SANTA TO TAKE ME DOWN SOUTH

I'm sitting in the house during a winter storm,
My heats been shut off so I'm not keeping warm,
Oh, Santa bring your sleigh,
And take me far away,
Take me far south where the temperatures are norm.

WHAT LOVING MONEY GOT JILL

Jill loved money so,
Sold stock in a bogus firm,
Owns an island now.

OH TURKEY DAY

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I think we have a problem,
Though Halloween is far away,
My turkey is haunted by a goblin,

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
My turkey would not get done,
No matter what the instructions say,
My turkey jumped up for a run,

Oh Turkey Day, Oh Turkey Day,
I guess you shouldn’t cook a live bird,
No matter if fresh turkey is the fad of the day,
The turkey just might have the last word.

SARAH THE LEPRECHAUN

I knew a leprechaun named Sarah,
She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara,
Oatmeal cookies she sold,
Made a big pot of gold,
So, she bought a diamond tiara.

JAKE THE LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.

JANE THE LEPRECHAUN

There was a leprechaun named Jane,
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.

A COLD FULL MOON IN NOVEMBER

A cold full moon in November,
Much colder than October,September,
Put the camp stuff away,
Summer fun had it's day,
It's not a month to remember.

THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS HAIKU

Woman of my dreams,
Has a great job, makes money,
I stay home all day.

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME ENDS LIMERICK

Daylight savings time has ended its run,
Getting up so darn early has not been much fun,
Good riddens I say,
To saving some day,
For those that don’t work but have fun.

THE PROBLEM WITH STEVE LIMERICK

The problem with Steve is he didn't have a plan,
When he went out ice fishing way out on Lake Ann,
So, oh what a bummer,
The season was summer,
He couldn't swim a stroke so he ran.

A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SAM LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sam,
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”

THE ALIEN TRADE AGREEMENT

Crazy Benny went into deep space,
He went there to save the whole human race,
When he met an alien he said "check your shoelace",
Then Benny would spray him with his alien mace,

One day Benny met an alien with eyes all over his head,
Benny ran out of mace then his mind filled with dread,
Then the alien shook hands and said "My name is Fred,
Why do humans have such fear that you all wet to bed?"

Benny and the aliens became friends really fast,
They burried disagreements deep into the past,
Benny signed trade agreements that would clearly last,
In this new galaxy cheap labor numbers were vast,

Big business worships Benny until this very day,
He found them multi-taskers who would work for no pay.

WHEN STEVE OVER USED HIS BRAIN

Steve did not read much,
Read Driver's Ed. booklet,
Brain swelled up, bye Steve.

HURRICANE, HURRICANE GET OUT OF MY FACE

Hurricane, Hurricane get out of my face,
Or, I’ll spray in your eyes a can of bear mace,
Maybe you’d like that but, I’ll never know,
Because I have somewhere important to go,

Hurricane, Hurricane I’ve ten blocks to walk,
So, bring on your wind, hail and, general squawk,
For my wife had a baby whom I’m anxious to see,
And, no mere mortal storm comes between my family and me.

A DOG WENT OUT AND SWAM IN THE BAY

A dog went swimming far out in the bay,
He caught a fish and swam back the same day,
He flopped the fish on the shore,
The fish flopped over twice more,
Then the fish swam far out and away,

MR. CAESAR AND THE IDES

The Ides of October come at mid-month near,
Did Mr. Caesar have something to fear?
I guess that was March mid,
When goodbye Caesar bid,
When he met all his friends that were dear.

THE MAKING OF AN ANGEL LIMERICK

I was driving and watching the Northern Star,
Then three big bucks ran in front of my Saab car,
I swerved hard left to miss,
And gave an oak tree a kiss,
Now from the Northern Star I look down from afar.

Just how I earned my golden angel wings,
Is no topic of my favorite things,
I saw three big buck deer,
I hit my breaks and couldn't steer,
Now I'm in the choir where the angel sings.

SOPHIE AND SONS

Sophie and sons were all armadillos,
One day they ran out of blankets and pillows,
They had quite a scare,
But, quickly grew hair,
And nested in the leaves of the willows.

THE TRAVELS OF LEIGH COLLIN BRANDT

I went to Russia to visit the Louvre,
But, I guess to Paris it made a sudden move,
I went to Spain to see the Pyramids of old,
But, I guess to Egypt they had been  recently sold,

I went to Ireland to watch the Mets play,
But, the Mets moved to New York the local Irish did say,
I went to Amsterdam to visit the Pope,
But, he had been moved to Rome so, I felt like a dope,

Why do things change so I can’t keep them straight?
Will showing up at past events and times be my fate?
But, I live with a passion, and even a hope,
That at the end of my travels I’ll find scented soap.

HOW TO HURT YOUR FAMILY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA LIMERICK

There was a man, who was so vehemently bitter,
He attacked all in family over the media called twitter,
He made fun of  his cousin the monk,
Said his car-dealer uncle sold junk,
He even said his sister was a poor baby sitter.

DAISY HAD AN EVIL ID LIMERICK

Daisy had an evil Id,
It came out when she was a kid,
She spread evil rumors,
About Mary's bloomers,
And, everything that Mary did.

MANISTEE LAKE TIME

I went fishing on Manistee Lake,
But a leaking old boat I did take,
I got really wet,
And really upset,
Then went swimming home; for goodness sake.


I went fishing out on the ice,
The cold wind did'nt feel very nice,
I started to freeze,
I couldn't feel my knees,
And my sweater was loaded with lice.

EARTHQUAKE SHAKES THE EAST AND ME LIMERICK

I just felt just a little bit of a shake,
The TV said it was an earthquake,
It was along the East Coast,
But, I don’t want to boast,
I’m in Michigan, that’s a ways off goodness sake.

AMUMINUM FOIL FOR BRAINS

Bert wore a hat of aluminum foil,
So government transmissions he’d spoil,
But, his hat sealed his fate,
From an off world state,
The aliens cooked his brains on broil.

JORDAN MADE RHUBARB WINE

Jordan once made some homemade rhubarb wine,
He thought he'd have good stuff upon which to dine,
But, when he guzzled his first glass,
He ballooned up with such gas,
He spent a day in the bathroom to opine.

Everyone had an opinion,
About Jordan's homemade rhubarb wine,
They expressed it in the bathroom,
With body language they did opine.

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SUE LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sue,
Her hair was red, her eyes were blue,
A man from the city,
Thought she was real pretty,
So, he married her and moved to the Peru.

DRINKING BAD WHISKEY HAIKU

Drinking bad whiskey,
Stomach curls, dry heaves, pain,
Morning after milk.

ZOMBIE OCEANS

We are all just part of the zombie oceans,
We swim against riptides just to get our promotions,
But, when our own dark day ends,
Just a few claim the wins,
The rest of us live the regret with remorseful emotions.

MY SKINNY GIRLFRIEND HAIKU

Skinny girlfriend,
Does not eat very much food,
Has a model job.

P.S. Lucky me!!!!!!!

STEVEN HAD AN EVIL ID

Steven had an very evil Id,
He picked on his little brother Sid,
When Sid went to tell,
Steven gave off a yell,
And blamed Sid for what Steven did.

LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Pete,
Corned beef and cabbage was all he’d eat,
He was full of green gas,
And, could not get a lass,
He made music all night tweet, tweet, tweet.

PENELOPE PIE LIMERICK

Penelope Pie was a racing horse,
She ran real fast down every course,
But, Kentucky is sloppy,
This made her legs floppy,
She finished last with no remorse.

LAKE MICHIGAN SHARKS HAIKU

Lake Michigan Sharks,
Man-eaters by the millions,
Fear the blue waters.

AT THE OFFICE THERE WAS NO COFFEE TO DRINK LIMERICK

At the office one morning there was no coffee to drink,
So, I brewed up some water and poured in some black ink,
Everyone went home early really sick,
As they left hey called me a hick,
I was fired and spent 90 days in the Klink.

DEATH OF A CAR

Dead tree stands by car,
Wind pushes tree over,
Crash, my car is destroyed

MY POLISHED PETOSKEY STONES

I polished Petoskey stones all day,
I tried to sell them on the Ebay,
I did not get one bid,
My stones should be hid,
I guess they are wothless I would say.

IDES OF JULY LIMERICK

Many, many will want to cry,
Because today is the ides of July,
Summer’s half gone,
And, late comes the dawn,
It’s sad how summer will fly.

TRAVERSE CITY HAIKU

Fun, Traverse city,
Summer boats, Winter skies, laugh,
Playground, never ends.

GIRLFRIEND WITH JOB DRINKS BEER

Girlfriend drinks beer,
“Expensive habit”, I said,
Big mouth, she has job.

TIME FROM A BOTTLE HAIKU

Time from a bottle,
Gallon red wine, smooth, laughs, tears,
Meal, down a toilet.

NIPPLES, NAZALS AND, POLENS LIMERICK

The nipples on my nasal are in block,
I can't smell a thing so how can I rock?
My achy head,
Fed by pollen it's said,
They make me sick till I have a cardiac shock.

TRAVERSE CITY POEM BY LCB

I live in Michigan in Traverse City,
It is a nice place but, it is itty bitty,
The bay looks real nice,
The blue waters entice,
The girls swimming are extremely pretty

BERT AND THE PAIL ALE TAIL

Bert liked to keep his ale in a pail,
He bought 40oz bottles when they were on sale,
He'd drink beer like punch,
For breakfast and lunch,
By dinner he'd sing and regale.

I WENT UP NORTH TO CELEBRATE THE 4TH OF JULY

I went up North to celebrate the 4th of July,
I lay out on the beach and that’s where I lie,
But, the bugs are getting bad,
They bite often, it’s sad,
Now, my skin is burning, smells like a hamburger fry.

TWO LITTLE DEER SAT ON A HILL IN THE WOODS LIMERICK

Two little deer sat on a hill in the woods,
They were watching over their delicious green goods,
There were gardens of beans below,
The deer salivated to go,
Waiting for the gardeners to go back to their hoods.

Brian the bear was big and strong,
His favorite sport was ping pong,
But, no one wanted to play,
They were all scared away,
Though, Brian had done nothing wrong.

SAM THE LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Sam,
He loved his eggs, bacon and ham,
He once ate a green bean,
It gassed up his small spleen,
Then, he released the gas with a “Bam!”

WATCH FOR THE MONTH CALLED 2012-12 LIMERICK

Watch out for the month called 2012-12,
For most this warning is one they will shelve,
On the 21st of December,
All will then remember,
This warning upon which nobody would delve.

IVAN THE BEAR LIMERICKS

Ivan the bear could barely see,
But, he could smell down wind of thee,
If he headed your way,
You'd better not stay,
Or, in Ivan's belly you'd be.

62011

THE IDES OF JUNE

The ides of June are on day thirteen,
An odd number that is not the average or mean,
Was it just a cheap thrill?
Or drinking wine beyond will,
That made Roman judgment obscene.

HIDDEN FORCES

There are things that go on in the night,
That makes us move to the nearest light,
We are all afraid,
Of death’s accolade,
That stalks us out of sight.

THERE WAS A BOXER NAMED DUFF

There was a boxer named Duff,
He thought he was really tough,
He took on a dare,
And fist fought a bear,
Now Duff is looking real rough.

Duff was a boxer who thought he was good,
He busted up bricks, he busted up wood,
He fought a crockadile,
They tussled for a while,
The crockadile ate what he could.

JAKE THE BAKING LEPRECHAUN

I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.

THERE WAS A BIG GUY NAMED LARRY-Limerick

There was a big guy named Larry,
With two noses he really looked scary,
So, he had a nose job,
Now with only one knob,
Larry might actually marry.

SOME POETS LIMERICK

Some poets  everyone knows,
Will latch onto one of their items of prose,
They treat with such care,
Each word that they share,
Their minds are just simplified woes.

THERE WAS A HOUSE IN NEW YORK QUEENS

There was a house in New York Queens,
They called the "House of Fun",
It was the ruin of many quarter rolls,
For me it ruined more than one,
I did not have a lot of quarter rolls,
But, I did have more than one,
I became addicted at playing pinball,
And, now my rolled quarters amount to none,

So mothers teach your offspring,
Not to do what I’ve just done,
For its been the ruin of many perfect quarter rolls,
And, for me I ruined more than one.

ROD THE MERMAN

There once was a merman named Rod,
He had only a taste for fresh cod,
But, a mermaid named Trish,
Would eat just tuna fish,
Rod ate tuna because Trish had a bod.

A LEPRECHAUN NAMED JANE LIMERICK

There was a leprechaun named Jane,
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.

MY IRISH SETTER NAMED BIG LIMERICK

My Irish Setter named Big,
Never danced any Irish jig,
He knocks you down on the floor,
And, then declares war,
Until you give him up a fresh cig.

BEWARE THE IDES OF MAY LIMERICK

Beware of the ides of May
If your in-laws are coming to stay,
They will not leave soon,
Until the fall harvest moon,
When they head back to Florida to play.

FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH HAIKU

The Thirteenth, Friday
Long knives, scared kids, bellyaches
Fish, rock hard, school lunch.

A FILLING LOST

It's very chilling,
I lost a filling,
Now when I eat it hurts,
Because of the billing,
A dentist ain't thrilling,
I'll just cringe when I eat deserts.

OLIVER INSIST

Oliver was always trying to insist,
To eat the things not on his diets list,
His body was so round,
His health was unsound,
He didn't listen to his nutritionist.

Oliver thought his gorging was nifty,
But he never saw his birthday at fifty,
Still, under the ground,
His appetite's sound,
He smells fast food when the wind's a bit shifty.

CLYDE THE SPIDER AGAIN?

Clyde was a spider who ate only flies,
He dressed for lunch in suits and bow ties,
He ate all his meals,
Leaning back on his heals,
Table manners was his despise.

THE GRIM REAPER COMES IN DEEP SLEEP LIMERICK

Willie was not a very deep sleeper,
For he feared an encounter with the grim reaper,
If awake he could stay,
He felt he could run away,
Dreams bondage gives souls to death’s keeper.

RAINY, RAINY, RAIN LIMERICK

Rainy, rainy, rain,
The universe has found its drain,
The outdoors smells wet and rank,
Like an overflowed septic tank,
Spring showers bring depression and pain.

MY DOBERMAN IS A SICKIE.

I once had a Doberman named Nicky,
His name online was Nicky Ickey,
He had pictures of steak bones’
And dog bowls colored all tones,
And my burned shrubs which I thought was sickie.

A RATTLESNAKE WANTED A BEER

A rattlesnake wanted a beer,
I told him to go bite a deer,
He bit me instead,
Now I am half dead,
He drank the beer that was here.

A RAT MIXED HIS WHISKEY AND BEER

A rat mixed his whiskey and beer,
Next day he felt that death was near,
So, he admitted to his wife,
His adultrous second life,
He sobred and had something to fear.

JEFFREY LIKED TO SPOON LIMERICK

Jeffrey liked to sleep until noon,
Then at night he liked to spoon,
He was kissing a girl named Mary,
But, her lips were so hairy,
He thought he was kissing a raccoon.

MY GIRLFRIEND COULD NOT TAKE HER EYES OFF OF ME

Susie was my sweetheart,
She had big eyes of blue,
The only problem Susie had,
Was she had more eyes than two,

I always felt like I was being watched,
Embarrassed, my face turned red,
Susie watched every move I made,
With those eyes in the back of her head,

Susie had a nice personality,
And, her virtue was quite sound,
But, she complained about my every move,
Without even turning around,

Finally, I ditched Susie,
I decided though I hadn’t said,
My next girl will be a floozy,
With no eyes at all on her head.

A LITTLE BABY FISH

There once was a little baby fish,
Growing bigger was his only wish,
He ate like a pig,
He got really big,
‘Till he became a fisherman’s dish

WILLIE GOES OUT INTO THE SNOW LIMERICK

Willie goes out into the snow,
He is buried because of how hard it blow,
But where melting snow drips,
He finds tasty parsnips,
Now Willie does not want to go.


Willie loves his parsnips,
He digs them from under the snow,
Parsnips are a winter crop,
Or when you’re low on dough.

Some people like parsnips and butter,
Others like parsnips with cheese,
Some like parsnips with vinegar and salt,
You can eat them however you please.

SIR DIRK AND HIS ARMOR

There once was a knight named Sir Dirk,
Dragon fighting was his life’s work,
He wore too much tin,
‘Cause he wanted to win,
Fire-breather’s roasted the jerk.

THE INHERITED NOSE OF JEETER

Jeeter had a nose so pronounced,
It weighed a pound if it weighed an ounce,
And, genetics are not fun,
Jeeter’s nose was on his son,
Off his nose a basketball he could bounce.

THE NORTHERN MICHIGAN WIDOW MAKER

In Northern Michigan there is a soul taker,
It is commonly known as the old widow maker,
It falls down from the tall trees,
It brings it's victims to their knees,
Making rich the Michigan undertaker.

GOVERNOR SNEAKERS: THE 2012 FORESHADOWING LIMERICK

Governor Sneakers liked a good bribe,
He ran for Governor to enrich his own tribe,
He worked for only the elite,
He talked up any deceit,
And, running for President he feels a good vibe.

A GIRL NAMED PAM

I was in love with a girl named Pam,
She ran off with a farmer named Sam,
They have a pig farm,
The smell is a charm,
They've grown fat on their bacon and ham.

When Pam ran off I was a quitter,
I got better by being real bitter,
I donate my blood,
And get wasted on Bud,
And spend most of my time on the Twitter.

THERE WAS A BIG MAN FROM TOLEDO

There was a big man from Toledo,
He liked to wear a black Tuxedo,
But, when he sat down,
He riped it all round
So now he just wears a black speedo.

THERE WAS A LEPRECHAUN NAMED JANE

There was a leprechaun named Jane,
She moved from Dublin to Southern Spain,
She sold sports cars,
Saved gold in quart jars,
And, made rainbows after each rain.

I KNEW A LEPRECHAUN NAMED SARAH

I knew a leprechaun named Sarah,
She lived in the attic of her aunt Clara,
Oatmeal cookies she sold,
Made a big pot of gold,
So, she bought a diamond tiara .

I KNEW A LEPRECHAUN NAMED JAKE

I knew a leprechaun named Jake,
He only ate banana cake,
If the cake looked nice,
He’d pay any price,
Jake should have learned how to bake.

SAINT PATRICKS DAY HAIKU

First Holiday Spring,
St. Patricks Day, parades, more,
Celebrate the gree.

SOMEONE MIXED TOMATO JUICE WITH THEIR BEER LIMERICK

Someone mixed tomato juice with their beer,
They had to drink it 'cause money was dear,
It tasted just fine,
A bit like red wine,
But, the vomit tasted awfully queer.

SALLY WAS A BEAUTY QUEEN LIMERICK

Sally was a remarkable beauty queen,
Her skin had the most fantastical sheen,
All men had a lovers brain,
What she was paid was insane,
Her body was nice but, her brain cells were clean.

MARCH/SPRING HAIKU

Thinking Spring, bird tweets,
Winter returns, cold, harsh, storm,
Bird tweets?  Bird goes burr!!!!

COUNTY CORK LIMERICK

I wrote a limerick about County Cork,
It involed eight Irishmen eating pork,
Their wives ate lots of pig,
Then they all danced a jig,
And all watched for an incomming stork.

I WAS WITH A GIRL NAMED IZZY

I was in love with a girl named Izzy,
When I asked her out she was real busy,
I thought I had tarried,
Because Izzy got married,
But, maybe Izzy was just really dizzy.

MS MERTLE AND HER CAREER AMBITIONS

MS Mertle is a toilet installer,
She once was a finish drywaller,
She went to a toilet college,
To gain a great deal of knowledge,
She'd like to be an ice road truck hauler.

MY DAD AND HIS COON HOUND

My dad had a coon hound,
It was a vicious dog of prey,
It was a creature that was unbound,
It hunted night and day,

My dad was a terrible shot,
He never could shoot straight,
It is good for my starving family’s lot,
The coon hound got its rate,

The coon hound found the duck and quail,
The coon hound spied the deer,
The coon hound found the rabbit without fail,
And when the DNR was near.

*

POOR RIPPY AND HIS SNORT

Rippy liked to take a snort,
Of his homemade wine,
He drank it when he woke-up,
And, every time he’d dine,

One day he ran out of homemade brew,
He felt panic from mind to sash,
He had no tension deliberator,
He could not buy any without some cash,

Poor Rippy had a mental breakdown,
It seems his mind was made of mash,
In a soft cell Rippy sits in a gown,
Against the walls his head he doth bash.

GASOLINE PRICES

Because gasoline prices are going way up,
I have no money on which to sup,
I'll sell my blood,
Borrow from my best bud,
Still, I can't buy  coffee for my cup. 

MARNIE PUT OUT FOR INSPECTION

Marnie put out for close inspection,
Her entire mint stamp collection,
It was a high value estate,
That she would share with a mate,
I decided to give Marnie my full affection.

ANDY GOT THRILLS FROM KOSHER DILLS-Limerick

Andy ate only kosher dills,
Only kosher dills gave Andy thrills,
He once ate a sweet pickle,
That put Andy in a fickle,
He broke out with hives and had chills,

WERIDO PSYCHIC GETS DUMPED BY GIRLFRIEND LIMERRICK

Weirdo, weirdo can you see all,
Or are your psychic scenes a stall,
Is there a chance?
Your mind is full of romance,
When she dumped you, you didn’t see the fall.

BETSY THE RELIABLE

Betsy, late for work,
Missed buss again, walk too far,
Called in sick again.

Betsy's schedule is very pliable,
She is late and calls in sick a lot,
However,Betsy is so reliable,
You can rely that at work she is not.

MY HEART IS AN ACHING VALINTINE

My heart is an aching valentine,
My girlfriend left me so now I wine,
I'm no good at romance,
But, thought I'd take a chance,
I found love at the bar now I'm fine.

VALENTINES DAY LIMERICK

Well today is Valentines Day,
And, I’ve got something to say,
Forget flowers and candy,
Just bring me some brandy,
The day seems much brighter that way.

TIREMARY, MARY AND HER DAIRY

Mary, Mary liked her dairy,
She liked eggs,ice cream and cheese,
She could eat ice cream by the gallon,
And yet, Mary would never freeze,

Mary, Mary would never tarry,
To fill an omelette with melted cheese,
For to serve an omelette without it,
To Marry was a really cheap tease,

Mary, Mary dated a guy named Barry,
Who was allergic to all dairy foods,
But, every single meal was really scary,
So, Mary dumped Barry for healthier dudes.

FRANK LIKES MUCK

Frank likes to go swimming in lakes full of muck,
That's where he'll go swimming with any luck,
He likes the muck squishing between his toes,
And, any where else the squishy muck goes,
Someday he'll sink down and get stuck.

PAULA WAS AN INCH WORM

Paula was an inch worm who really liked to play,
She inched around on her belly every day,
Then, along came her dad,
He said Paula was bad,
He said she din't measure up any way.

THE PROBLEM WITH NOSE SLUGS

The problem with nose slugs as you all know,
Is you must pick and pull at them or they won't go,
They don't come out on their own,
Until they're full grown,
By then they've crawled way down below.

THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE RABBIT LIMERICK

This is called the year of the rabbit,
I have to break my rabbit hunt habit,
So, I’ll go hunting for squirrel,
Though their taste makes me hurl,
If I see a hare I think I will nab it.

THE SUN ALSO SURPRISES

Each morning you wait for the light of day,
You think that the sun always rises,
But, what if that daybreak never comes,
Then, you’ll know the sun also surprises,

Maybe you’re an old Hemingway buff,
You think there’s light on the other side,
But, if you are a Shakespeare buff,
It’s ok if your main character died.













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MY GIRLFRIEND IS CRAZY

My girlfriend is crazy,
She says that I am lazy,
I try to work,
But, I'm a jerk,
I just want a big raizy.

THE WOOD STOVE FAILURE

When you’re living in a trailer,
You can have a wood stove failure,
Cramming in wood just more and more,
Til fire rolls out on the floor,
Then, you’re running out the door,
And, your trailer is no more.

RICH GIRLFRIEND HAIKU

Need rich girlfriend,
I play computer games, drink,
Need money for both.

THE NEW YEAR RECESSION LIMERICK

Now it is again January first,
We hope for good but, fear the worst,
Things aren't so sunny,
In a world with no money,
I'm afraid the world is cursed.