DAISY RAN LIMERICKS

Daisy ran the marathon really fast,
But, the candy she had for breakfast did not last,
Towards the end she was tired,
No candy made her uninspired,
Her victory dreams became a thing of the past.

Daisy ran and was inspired,
By her parents who were retired,
She beat out the men,
That some considered a sin,
But, Daisy ran faster when ired.

TERROR ALONG THE FENCELINE

It's terror along the fence line for the barbies got my cloths,

They also ripped away the skin on my thigh, my arm, my nose,

Thus, my mortal wounds have caused my falling,

Soon some saint will come a calling,

Thus, I'll end all mortal woes,

Then, comes the tagging of my toes. 

TIME TRAVEL HAIKU

Time travel, easy,
Reflect, relive, rearrange,
Time travel, mind game.

I DUG A DEEP TOILET HOLE AND NOW I'M IN DEEP TROUBLE (💩)

I dug a hole for my toilet near my garden outside,

I thought to  build over a shack for privacy pride,

But, I knew I dug deep, too far,

When I seen a moon and a star,

Forgot the earth is flat and measures just 13 feet wide.

ODE TO THE MAILMAN LIMERICK

Way down below Fahrenheit zero,
That's when the mailman becomes my hero,
Though the snow may ceaseless blow,
The mail will always go,
Astounding, for a government bureau.

 

FREE PORK FROM THE EX

Steve knew his stomach was troubled,
As it perked, gurgled and bubbled,
He ate rancid pork that was free,
From former wife named Kaylee,
Now, his bathroom trips have more than doubled.

THERE WAS A RABBIT NAMED RANDY

There was a rabbit named Randy,
He only ate Halloween candy,
He got really big,
Now he oinks like a pig,
And drowns his sorrows with brandy.

There was a rabbit named Randy,
His fur was salty and sandy,
He gained lots of weight,
So, he couldn't get a date,
It's a good thing that Randy is handy.

GRIEF FROM THE BEEF

I bought my family a big piece of beef,

Didn't know it would bring them constipation relief,

They used the stocks of toilet paper,

Painted porcelain, made bad vapor,

Clearance slimy beef is not worth the great grief.

I GOT A QUANTUM COMPUTER FOR CHRISTMAS

I got a quantum computer but, don't know what it does,

Never heard of a quantum in books or in buzz,

I've been doing just fine,

Learning Albert Einstein,

With quantum, I don't know my now from my was.

I YELLED AT MY PUPPY QUEEN, THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN

It's the day after Halloween,

And, I am feeling so unclean,

I ate so much candy, I split my spleen,

The sugar high made me mean, 

I yelled at my puppy, Queen,

The toilet bowl is now my scene,

Where I lose candy and turn grass green.

I AM PROTEIN

I went to see witches to buy magic brew,

Alas, they hit me on the head and threw me into their stew,

It wasn't so bad,

Between the potatoes and bread,

I was the protein for one meal, maybe two.

I'M A SELFIE ADDICT

I owed money on my phone,

So, I had to get a payday loan,

No money for meat, I begged for bone,

Lost the car and slept on stone,

All to send selfies to people unknown.

I FINDS ME AN EARTHWORM

I went looking for earthworms to fish in the sea,

And, me finds an earthworm measuring in feet, thirty-three,

So, I turns to run,

But, that son-of-gun,

Catches and devours me.

     

                                                 The End

REVENGE OF THE GASSY GHOST

A terrible ghost is haunting my house,

It's the guy I had poisoned when he was my spouse,

So gassy is he,

Makes my eyes watery,

And, he's spoiling my Halloween dinner grouse.

THERE WAS AN OLD WITCH ON HALLOWEEN

There was an old witch on Halloween,
Her hair was black, here eyes were green,
She used her broom,
To sweep her room,
Her home was exceptionally clean.


There was an old witch on Halloween,
Her favorite colors were red and green,
No orange and no black,
Other witches fought back,
Turned the old witch into a money machine.

WHERE THE CARIBOU GREW NOT

I went hunting for caribou to put in my stew,

But, where I lived no caribou grew,

Now, there are some black bear,

Some ducks, cougars and hare,

And, barn bats, green snakes, worms and shrew.

WHEN THE FULL MOON IS UP

When the full moon is up and it's chillin',
Then, the werewolves come a killin',
From the deep darkest woods,
They be after your goods,
And, on your meat they will be a fillin'.

I DO NOT LIKE TO FREEZE, MY WOE

I do not like the rain and snow,🌧❄

I do not like off road car blow,🌬🚙

I do not like I freeze, my woe,🙊

I do not like to pay for tow,🚜

Not ready for the ho, ho, ho. 🎅

THE RAINY, RAINY, RAINY LIMERICK

My bones are all in painy,

Cause it rainy, rainy, rainy

It puts hurt into my brainy,

I'll probably go insainy,

Overeat, then weight I'll gainy.

WHERE LAY THE BONES

Snow is coming, this I fear,

My right eye pees a single tear,

I have not stored enough ginger beer,

Nor, have I scored my needs in deer,

Methinks by spring my bones lay here.