LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
bad
.
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Showing posts with label
bad
.
Show all posts
Wednesday, September 20, 2023
THE THREE SIBLINGS WERE UP TO NO GOOD
The three siblings told their ma, they were off to pick flowers,
It was just a lie, so the siblings could slip away for hours,
They went dolly shopping that day,
They each bought a Barbie, for play,
They could afford only one Ken doll, so he got bestowed super powers.
Tuesday, September 19, 2023
MY FAMILY MAKES ME SO SICK I WON'T EAT
Jerry the rabbit is always picking his big nose,
He picks and he picks, until the red blood freely flows,
He does it at the dinner table,
It makes my appetite, disable,
And, my pet monkey Trish, eats the jams between her toes.
CRANKY THE BIG BOSS, GOT CRANKED
Cranky liked bragging about all the vast riches he had,
He liked running his workers down, to make them feel real sad,
Hurting worker feelings was his sport,
Especially, since they didn't dare retort,
Then one day no one came to work, and Cranky got real mad.
Sunday, September 17, 2023
A RECKONING FOR THE PIGS
The pigs chased all the hens out of the chicken coup,
The pigs ate all the eggs, then made chicken nest soup,
The poor chickens were really sad,
Because the pigs behaved so bad,
So the farmer short chained the pigs, to his back stoop.
Friday, September 1, 2023
DEAD GUYS ARE OUT TO GET ME, SAYS MY PSYCHIC
I went to my Psychic, and her predictions were dire,
Some dead guy told her that he would blowout a tire,
One said he'd wait,
Then seal my fate,
By flying my kite into an electrical wire.
Monday, August 14, 2023
SPLICE ME SOME GENES
I played with genes; I'd splice and I'd splex
Until I created a rhinosaurus rex,
It had sharp teeth and big horn,
It kissed cows and grazed corn,
It has behavior perplexing and complex.
Saturday, August 5, 2023
MUSIC IS MAKING ME SKINNY
The night is full of noisy loons,
Some play drums, the others, bassoons,
But, I heaved my crumpets,
When I heard the trumpets,
Their encore, lost me my macaroons.
Thursday, July 27, 2023
BOB PLAYED WITH SKUNKS, A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bob went to Newberry to see his cousin's skunk babies,
They were cute little stinkers, but they gave Bob the scabies,
Mange in his underwear,
And, a cute skunk called Pierre,
Bit Bob on the bum; Bob needed shots for the rabies.
Sunday, July 23, 2023
SHARE BUNS WITH YOUR FRIENDS, OR YOU WON'T HAVE ANY
He set his bun upon his left knee,
Upon his right, he set his tea,
From his left jacket pocket, he pulled some ham,
From his right pocket, he pulled a spoon, jar and jam,
He made a jam, ham, bun sandwich, he didn't share with me,
Last time I invite that guy over for tea.
Friday, July 21, 2023
POINTY FINGERS MISSED TEDDY BEAR
Pointy Fingers shoved his finger way up inside his nose,
Then he started bleeding from his nose, upon his cloths,
Pointy Fingers really did not care,
He just wanted to go home to Teddy Bear,
But mommy washed his face with the cold water from the hose.
Saturday, July 15, 2023
THE AMPERSAND LIMERICK
Teacher told me I couldn't use the ampersand (& ),
He said in his class, that symbol was banned,
Well it just is not fair,
Just because teach lost his hair,
That the poor little ampersand is canned.
Sunday, July 9, 2023
MAROON COULD BE A COLOR, BUT IT IS DEFINITELY NOT A FRIEND
My garden potatoes were colored maroon,
No one would eat them, except Mr. Raccoon,
He ate them on a dare,
Then messed his underwear,
He sat on the toilet from noon until noon.
Sunday, July 2, 2023
THE LIMERICK OF PORCH PIRATE BILLY
Porch pirate Billy, sneaked up to my backdoor,
He sneaked off with candy, laid on my porch floor,
A rare chocolate from Spain,
Quite hard to obtain,
Now I will have to try ordering more.
Saturday, July 1, 2023
TOO HOT TO BLOW NOSE
The sun got so volcano-like, darn hot
Donny could not make any human, darn snot,
Without the nose cleaner,
His hay fever got meaner,
The only moisture was in Donny's pee pot.
PORCH PIRATES COME CREEPING
My neighbors are porch pirates, who wait until I'm sleeping,
Then up to my door, they come a creeping,
And when I confront an offender,
They don't surrender,
They just tell me my package, they're keeping.
Saturday, May 27, 2023
I'm Staying At The "Jailhouse Hotel" On Memorial Day Weekend
I drove up north really fast,
So my time at my vacay would last,
I rolled the car while speeding,
My bod starting bleeding,
Now, I'm sitting in jail with a cast.
Thursday, May 18, 2023
YOU EITHER FISH FOR SUPPER OR WITH SUPPER
My fishing rig,
A plastic worm on a jig,
Caught a fish,
Don't I wish,
Super is a plastic worm and a cig.
Wednesday, May 3, 2023
FISHING WITH TOAD
I use to go fishing with Toad,
He had a boat, but on it, he owed,
Then real early one morn,
Before the deer left the corn,
The bank took the boat down the road.
IT STINKS, BECAUSE THE DUCKS SCREWED AROUND
Two ducks travel with me in my Ford Motor car,
On long trips they pee in an old mason jar,
But one was wise-craken,
The other laugh-quacken,
The spill smells like the urinal at the bar.
Sunday, February 5, 2023
THE SNOW MOON LIMERICK
I went out to see the Snow Moon,
It was cute like my baby raccoon,
Then the moon disappeared,
Behind clouds that I feared,
And it snowed until the mid part of June.
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