THE SUN GETS US OUT

Glorious sun warms my arthritic soul,

Let us celebrate with a full salad bowl,

Or, do a picnic when we eat,

Reserve sunshine for our treat,

Yes, the sun will get us out of this hole.

THE SAGA OF BEEP

My name is Beep,🐒

I like to sleep,💤

I don't think to deep,💩

No pressure I keep,🍩🍨

My brother's a creep,🐍

My sister's a peep,🐣

I go to school driving my old man's Jeep.🚙

GARGOYLES GOT TALENT

I followed some tire marks in the sand,

They led to a gargoyle band,

The one named Sweet Hilda,

Sang Waltzing Matilda,

While the others laid back and got tanned.

MY BREATH SMELLS LIKE MINTY MUNG BEANS

Canadian smoke fills my mouth and lungs,

It's tastes unpleasant, when trading tongues,

Each Canadian smoke shower,

Makes Honey taste bitter-sour,

I try to improve my breath, by chewing mint and mungs.

There's Always Something Out To Get Me

I had a mosquito contact,

It gave me a a malaria contract,

Felt very sick,

Went to hospital, real quick,

Malaria is spreading, fun fact? Not!

HEATWAVE 2023

It got so very hot, even my little pansies died,

The last live flowers in my garden, and I cried, and cried, 

Now only plastic flowers, I grow,

My lawn is astro turf; pretend to mow,

The only real plants I'll see again are ones that someone dried.

WHEN BRINE SHRIMP ATTACK

My tank full of guppies was completely unease,

So I bought some brine shrimp, to try to please,

One brine shrimp grew bigger,

Ate my fish and cat, Trigger,

I now beg him for mercy, while down on my knees.

FLAT EARTH SCIENCE

My new science book, says the earth is actually flat,

And that if I walk off the edge, that's the end of me, ooh drat,

And rockets didn't go into space,

It was all filmed at some studio place,

It also turns out eating cheese balls, will never make me fat.

LOST IN AMERICA

Larry was so upset, because he could not find his home,

He pulled each hair from his head, creating a big, bald dome,

Larry finally found a map,

And from an old man, stole a cap,

Then Larry realized, he was in Alaska, outside of Nome. 

THE LITTLE BIRD NAMED CHURBA

Churba is a little bird, and he makes a churbing sound,

Whenever I hear churbing, I know that Churba, is around,

Churba likes to eat cheddar cheese,

I sit it out, for Churba, to please,

Along with some tasty prunes, so Churba won't get bound.🧀🐦

MAROON COULD BE A COLOR, BUT IT IS DEFINITELY NOT A FRIEND

My garden potatoes were colored maroon,

No one would eat them, except Mr. Raccoon,

He ate them on a dare,

Then messed his underwear,

He sat on the toilet from noon until noon.

CRAWDAD GOT TALENT

I bought a fish tank for my pet crawdad, Mr. Bay Jay,

Mr. Bay Jay was happy, and in his tank he would play,

He had a toy flute,

And he played it, so quite,

Sometimes he'd stare at me, but that was ok. 

TASTY AND CARNIVOROUS, MY MAGIC MUSHROOM FIND

I held a mushroom near my face, and he bit me on the cheek,

I decided that a mushroom with teeth, was a nature freak,

But as he chewed on my cheek skin,

I fried him with eggs for my din,

The toothy mushroom tasted so good, more I'm going to seek.

JIM'S JOB INTERVIEW IS GOING TO STINK

Jim's French perfume had gone all skunky,

It smelled worse than the pee of his pet monkey,

Jim was due for an appointment,

And had no underarm ointment,

It's a job interview, and Jim's chances are sunky.

I AM A SAVED SODA POONTOON

I was out in my aluminum boat,

I drank sodas that made my belly bloat,

Then up-chucked the sea,

Swamping my boat and me,

Soda gas kept my body afloat.

THE TERRIERDACTYL

My little bull terrier, thinks he's a flying dinosaur,

He climbs up on the furniture, and jumps four feet or more,

He knocked over Uncle Vern.

Vern sat so quiet, in his urn,

Methinks dinos will be flying, to the backyard, and out the door.

MY NEW HOME IN THE WOODS

I was given a key for the front and the back,

But there's no doors, or doorknobs, on my lean-to shack,

There's a hanging blanket front door,

Inside, in places there's floor,

Backdoor, is old tires in a stack.

RED SHED AND THE RAINBOW RISE

There was a rainbow over my shed,

My shed was painted barny red,

Before my nose,

The rainbow rose,

I went back inside to get breakfast fed.

THE MUFFIN GIVES ME STUFFIN', AND THE SACK WILL TREAT MY BACK

I tried a little exercise, and I hurt my back,

I had to lay flat on the floor of my shack,

Finally, I grabbed the doorknob on the door,

And crawled up from the floor,

I ate a corn muffin, and then, I hit the sack.

I FELT OK UNTIL THE CLOWN

I decided to ride my motor scooter into town,

But I went way too slow, and I quickly got run down,

The first car really hurt,

The second caused blood squirt,

Then I was run over by a semi, driven by some clown.