A BIG SQUIRRELY DECISION

I decided I was going out in the woods to hunt squirrel,

I took along with me my favorite hunting hound, Pearl,

But the squirrel was big and mean,

Ten foot tall, maybe 15,

We runs back to my old shack,  so we could hide and curl.

TIME TRAVEL DREAMER

My spaceship travels faster than light,

That means time travel, and it's a delight,

Maybe some ancient Greece,

Might give me some peace,

And new pyramids might be a delight.

MABEL HAD NO MAKEUP

Mabel had no Maybelline,

Even though, she had washed up clean,

With her friend Loren,

They went out to buy corn,

Couldn't buy steaks; their funds were lean.

ROTTEN TEETH AND DOTS: A LIFE ADVENTURE, BY BOB

Bob didn't brush his teeth, and they all got really rotty,

Then a dentist Bob saw, and the dentist got snotty,

Bob then went out to the woods,

Picked what berries he coulds,

He ate all the berries, and his skin got all dotty. 

MY SPOILED LITTLE TOAD

My pet, Toad went out to eat some early, springtime bugs,

But he got really cold, and asked for my hot hugs,

Unlike the mammalian form,

Toad's blood is cold, not warm,

So I made us both hot coco, served in thermal mugs.

LAMENT FOR THE BABY PLANT

My tomato plant did not get very tall,

It was fine, until we had the snow squall

It would of had a life of green,

If the warm sun it had seen,

Poor thing, almost had no life at all.

UNDER THE BOOM, BOOM; PEANUT PIE FOR BREAKFAST

Lightning booming,  booming in the dark cloudy, morning sky,

It hits so close, me thinks I will be going bye, bye, bye,

What a way to die,

Like a burnt French fry,

Hope I don't burn to death, before I eat my peanut pie.

SPRING

Cold rainy weather makes us feel pain called, the cruds,

The arthritis pain, we fight with the suds,

We want mosquitos to bite,

To take our minds off our plight

While spring blooms bust out of their buds.

NO HORSE HONEY AT THE DERBY

I went to the Derby to get some horse honey,

But, I lost my big bet now I have no more money,

So, I'll go back to the shop,

Where I'll work there non-stop,

Tears falling as my nose runs it's honey.

MY QUEST FOR DIDGERIDOO KUNG FU

I always wanted a didgeridoo,

So, I went to Australia for one with Kung Fu,

But, a dingo gave a bite,

Now, my mind ain't quite right,

And, I hop like some fat kangaroo.

 

A DRAGON NAMED BILL

There was a dragon named Bill,
His roar would give all a chill,
But, when he would tire,
He’d loose all his fire,
Then, he’d stand there perfectly still.

WHERE I GO PERCHING

Murky is the water where I catch my perch,

It's just a drainage ditch out near the canyon's old stone church,

It isn't all that far,

Driving out there with my car,

But, there's no phone so trouble could leave me in a lurch. 

BENNY GOLFED PAR WITH THE BIG BALL

Benny bought cheap glasses, and could barely see,

He used a soccer ball, when he went golfing with me,

The ball didn't travel far,

But it bounced into par,

It was a tough start, balancing the ball on the tee. 

THE TRAP ON THE GREEN

My Venus Fly Trap kills the flies,

It even eats the little guys,

It is so sad,

I feel so bad,

I cannot look them in the eyes.

WAVEY DAVY JOINS THE NAVY

My name is Ben Davey,

I did party at every ravey,

I joined the U.S. Navy,

Because I liked the gravy,

When I leave port, I give the shore a wavey.

FINGERING CHIP DIPS AND BUBBA THE DOG

I don't like it when the dog kisses me on my lips,

My hound Bubba kisses me after I eat salty kips,

He don't kiss when I eat sardines, 

Or a platter of fresh greens,

But he will lick my fingers, when I  run them through

 chip dips.

I SHARED MY HOME IN THE VILLAGE

I went into the village to find me some heat,

I found a huge box, lying free in the street,

I just got moved in,

And along comes my kin,

I let them all stay; they brought raisins to eat.

FISHING WITH TOAD

I use to go fishing with Toad,

He had a boat, but on it, he owed,

Then real early one morn,

Before the deer left the corn,

The bank took the boat down the road.

IT STINKS, BECAUSE THE DUCKS SCREWED AROUND

Two ducks travel with me in my Ford Motor car,

On long trips they pee in an old mason jar,

But one was wise-craken,  

The other laugh-quacken,

The spill smells like the urinal at the bar.

PHIL HAD DOWNHILL FUN

Donny had a red wagon, but it fit only one,

Donny  couldn't ride in it, because he weighed a ton,

So Donny sold it to Phil,

Who took it up the hill,

And went riding so fast, Phil had lots of fun.