LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
animals
.
Show all posts
Showing posts with label
animals
.
Show all posts
Monday, April 29, 2024
I MINDED MY BUSINESS, AND GOT FREE MEATππππ
I saw a wolverine, dragging by the feet, my neighbor down the street,
My neighbor screamed really loud, but the wolverine was going to eat,
I knew I should stay inside,
Went under the bed to hide,
Next day, the wolverine thanked me for silence, and bribed me with some meat.
42924
THE CORN EATING DRAGON
A dragon ate every ear of corn in each field,
That greatly reduced the gross domestic cornfield yield,
We sent him a kind letter,
Asked that he behave better,
It was to his better dragon angels, we appealed.
42924
Friday, April 26, 2024
SQUIRRELS ARE LAME GAMERS
I saw two squirrels playing a very silly game,
Rock, Scissors, Paper, a game that is so, so lame,
Should play Five Card Stud,
That game ain't a dud,
And, if you win all the money, life won't be the same.
61823
Sunday, April 21, 2024
MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT AND I, SWAMP CAMP
We're home; my gentle tender foot and I,
To our Bayou, tent camp, we said goodbye,
We had an invader,
A ten foot alligator,
The alligator gave us each, the eye.
Friday, April 19, 2024
SQUAIL
I recently, went hunting for the elusive squail,
It's about 1\3rd squirrel, and 2\3rds of a quail,
It has the flavor of nuts,
Yet, smells like chicken butts,
I cover up with hollandaise sauce, garnished with kale.
41924
Tuesday, April 16, 2024
CATO'S POTATO AND THE BIG, FOUL BEAR
There was a spider monkey named Cato,
The only food he had was a potato,
Along came this foul bear,
He demanded his share,
In exchange, he shared his tomato.
41624
Monday, April 15, 2024
WHAT TIGERS DO ALL DAY
There once was a tiger named Bill,
He lived just up over the hill,
Everyday he'd eat mice,
Take a swim to drown lice,
The rest of the time, he'd just chill.
Sunday, April 14, 2024
THE PIG AND I
My cute little pig, laid down for a long sleep,
Now, soon tender vitals, my cleaver shall reap,
I have no regrets,
I eat all my pets,
Except for my hound dog; he'll bite me back, deep.
Thursday, April 11, 2024
I SLEPT AROUND
I slept on a soft bed, and I slept on a coach,
I slept on floorboards with nails that made me shout, "ouch",
I slept on a beach,
Where seagulls screech, screech,
I slept at the new zoo in a kangaroo pouch.
41124
Sunday, March 31, 2024
EASTER BUNNY RABBIT FRAUD
The Easter Bunny was nasty, and left me just plastic eggs,
Those hard, plastic knock-offs, were never between a chickens legs,
The candy left in the eggs seemed real mean,
Leftover candy corn from Halloween?
What did Bun do with the Easter funds, that's what the question begs?
3312024
Friday, March 29, 2024
THE BUG SLURPER
Leonardo the squirrel, ate bugs, never nuts,
Leo didn't like the chewing, he'd rather slurp guts,
And the tastiest slurps,
Came from bugs that had chirps,
Leo avoided bugs that had bad smelling butts.
32924
RON THE MASTODON
With my bestest friends, Bill and Dave,
We went exploring in a cave,
We found a Mastodon,
We named him Ron,
He was bones, it was his grave.
32924
Thursday, March 28, 2024
THE RABBIT AND THE BEAR
The rabbit with the candy basket, was being chased by the bear,
The poor rabbit had candy falling from the basket, everywhere,
The bear was gaining fast,
The rabbit would not last,
The bear would get the candy, and the meat under the rabbit hair.
32824
THE HAPPY EASTER BUNNIES
Bunnies were doing their business, right outside my screen door,
One thing that's true about bunnies, they are always making more,
The bunnies and me,
Let each other be,
Except the ones that are roadkill, become my main winter store.
Tuesday, March 26, 2024
THE WASHED AWAY CITY
A sudden massive, storm downpour washed my city away,
I floated amongst parts of buildings in Saginaw Bay,
Then out of the dark,
Comes this big giant shark,
I kicked him square in the nose, and saved my bacon that day.
32624
NO.TRESSPASSING UNLESS THERE'S A BEAR
My neighbors and I signed some treaties,
No one can trespass with their feeties,
Unless chased by a bear,
Then no one will care,
If chased, you'll wish you had your Wheaties.
32624
COYOTE HUNGRY
Coyotes are after my little terror dog,
They may well get him, because he sleeps like a dead log,
I made my doggy wear bells,
And some skunk pee that smells,
Now my dear doggy is free to hike, sleep, dance or jog.
32624
Thursday, March 21, 2024
COCKROACH SUPERSIZED
I find a stinky cockroach in my clothes,
The more I spray him, the bigger he grows,
I go get a net,
He grows bigger, yet,
We're standing eye to eye, and toe to toes.
32124
Friday, March 15, 2024
AR AND THE ATTACK OF THE HEMORRHOIDS
I have a Doberman dog, I named, Atomic Richie,
AR is laughed at because his hemorrhoids are itchy,
Across the carpet he scoots,
Amongst the laughter and hoots,
Poor old AR is howling in a vibrating pitchy.
Monday, March 11, 2024
THE SNAKE IN THE POOL LIMERICK
A snake fell into my swimming pool,
I guess he wanted to feel real cool,
He chased us all away,
On a hot summer day,
Now "no snakes in the pool" is the rule.
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