In Michigan you don't get much fall,
Fall is hardly a season at all,
Fall is just a small splinter,
Between summer and winter,
And, the spring season we don't get at all.
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Sunday, October 2, 2016
TOTAL MICHIGAN SEASONS : 2.1
Labels:
FALL,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Michigan Seasons,
Seasonal Change,
Spring,
SUMMER,
WINTER
Thursday, September 29, 2016
DRIED BLUEGILL FONDUE
I caught some fish with gills of blue,
I dried and dipped them in fondue,
But, they caused many moans,
Because they were full of bones,
And, their insides were all goo.
I dried and dipped them in fondue,
But, they caused many moans,
Because they were full of bones,
And, their insides were all goo.
Labels:
Bluegills,
Dried Fish,
FISH,
FISH BONES,
Fondue,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Uncleaned Fish
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
THE MUFFLER (FROM RUST TO DUST)
While in my car I heard the worst darn sound,
When my muffler fell and hit the ground,
My muffler had melted to rust,
And, was now mostly just dust,
At least that's all that I found.
When my muffler fell and hit the ground,
My muffler had melted to rust,
And, was now mostly just dust,
At least that's all that I found.
Thursday, September 8, 2016
GETTING A CLEAR TV SIGNAL
My cable picture is pixeled,
My dish picture's all haze,
My antennae big booster,
Boosted my TV with a blaze,
Now, after all of my trouble,
My house lies out in burnt rubble,
It’s a reality show that my neighbors may gaze.
Labels:
ANTENNAE TV,
cable TV,
DISH TV,
house fire,
HUMOR,
irony,
poem,
tv
Saturday, September 3, 2016
HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY
My fingers got blown off today,
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because, of hot apps downloaded in May.
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because, of hot apps downloaded in May.
Labels:
Apps,
cell phone,
Cell Phone Applications,
Cell Phone Dangers,
Hot Apps,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
UKULELE
Friday, August 26, 2016
WHAT'S UNDER THE DOCK?
I went to pull in my boat dock,
I didn't need it cause my boat was in hock,
But, upon wading into the water,
My right foot grew painfully hotter,
For a shark had bit my foot off and sock.
I didn't need it cause my boat was in hock,
But, upon wading into the water,
My right foot grew painfully hotter,
For a shark had bit my foot off and sock.
Labels:
Boat Dock,
Boat In Hock,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
sharks,
sharks in lake michigan
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
MY SISTER GIVES HAIRCUTS
My sister gives haircuts, oh dear, oh dear,
She'll steady her hand for a six pack of beer,
Or, when she gets through,
You'll know nightmares come true,
Unless, away from your reflection you steer.
She'll steady her hand for a six pack of beer,
Or, when she gets through,
You'll know nightmares come true,
Unless, away from your reflection you steer.
Labels:
Bad Haircuts,
Barter,
Beer Payments,
family,
Haircuts,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Sister
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
MY LIFE INSURANCE SALESMAN
A zombie came up to my door,
And, sold me life insurance until I was poor,
He put me in my place,
As he chewed on his own face,
So, I got a second job so I could buy more.
My life insurance policy really paid,
To my wife and her boyfriend's accolade,
Now, my life insurance agent, the zombie,
Works for some company named Crombie,
And, his bite got me into the zombie parade.
And, sold me life insurance until I was poor,
He put me in my place,
As he chewed on his own face,
So, I got a second job so I could buy more.
My life insurance policy really paid,
To my wife and her boyfriend's accolade,
Now, my life insurance agent, the zombie,
Works for some company named Crombie,
And, his bite got me into the zombie parade.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIFE INSURANCE,
Life Insurance Salesman,
LIMERICK,
zombie,
Zombie Parade
Monday, August 22, 2016
A HALLOWEEN TREAT IN AUGUST
It was an August drought and the earth was frying,
All around my home the plants were dying,
Then, under my bed I found a treat,
A Halloween candy was there to eat,
It was still sweet after ten months lying.
All around my home the plants were dying,
Then, under my bed I found a treat,
A Halloween candy was there to eat,
It was still sweet after ten months lying.
Labels:
August,
Drought,
HALLOWEEN,
Halloween Candy,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Whats under a bed
Saturday, August 20, 2016
LAWN NEEDLES AND LOVERS OF PAIN
It rained on the lawn but it didn't do much good,
The grass was so dry that like hard needles it stood,
So, to walk on with bare feet,
Means you find pain a treat,
And, would walk on fire ants if you could.
The grass was so dry that like hard needles it stood,
So, to walk on with bare feet,
Means you find pain a treat,
And, would walk on fire ants if you could.
Friday, August 19, 2016
THE TOOL SHED, TRAILER AND FIRE
In the back tool shed the generator ran,
To keep going my trailer's air conditioner and fan,
But, due to a fault in a wire,
My tool shed caught fire,
Now, my trailer is just an old hot tin can.
To keep going my trailer's air conditioner and fan,
But, due to a fault in a wire,
My tool shed caught fire,
Now, my trailer is just an old hot tin can.
Labels:
AIR CONDITIONER,
Electric Generator,
Fan,
Hot Days,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Tool Shed
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
THE DROUGHT SURVIVALIST
All my tomato plants died in the drought,
As did the rest of my garden which made a drought rout,
So, with no veggies to eat,
I'll rely now on meat,
And, the crick has gone dry so no trout.
As did the rest of my garden which made a drought rout,
So, with no veggies to eat,
I'll rely now on meat,
And, the crick has gone dry so no trout.
Monday, August 15, 2016
CLARITY OF MIND
Today I had a "clarity of mind,"
I realized that I was in a real bind,
My taxes were due,
My insurances too,
And, no money could I find.
I realized that I was in a real bind,
My taxes were due,
My insurances too,
And, no money could I find.
Labels:
Bills,
BROKE,
Financial Bind,
HUMOR,
insurance,
LIMERICK,
Personal Finance,
TAXES
Saturday, August 13, 2016
BOWLING FOR BEERS AND ROMANCE
My buds and I went romance trolling,
To places that had cold beers and bowling,
But, after ten gutter balls,
And, getting embarrassing cat calls,
Towards home alone I went strolling.
To places that had cold beers and bowling,
But, after ten gutter balls,
And, getting embarrassing cat calls,
Towards home alone I went strolling.
Labels:
Bowling,
Cat Calls,
Gutter balls,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Trolling For Romance
Friday, August 12, 2016
A DAY ON THE LAWN
My riding mower got stuck in a rut,
My push mower wouldn't even put-put,
My weed whacker rolled over with a wheeze,
The only thing it whacked were my arthritic knees.
My push mower wouldn't even put-put,
My weed whacker rolled over with a wheeze,
The only thing it whacked were my arthritic knees.
Labels:
Cutting Lawns,
HUMOR,
irony,
Lawn Care,
lawnmower,
poem,
Push Mower,
Trimming Lawns,
weed whacker
I SMELL A LITTER BOX
I have the laziest cat in my dwelling,
Lately, his litter box has been smelling,
I told my cat to clean it out,
But, he just cracked open another stout,
Then, said that if I didn't clean it out he was telling.
Lately, his litter box has been smelling,
I told my cat to clean it out,
But, he just cracked open another stout,
Then, said that if I didn't clean it out he was telling.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
litter box,
Pet Cat,
Smelly Home,
Stout Beer
Thursday, August 11, 2016
DON'T BLOG BAD FACTS ABOUT SANTA
There were some bloggers on the net,
Who found some facts that many regret,
Regarding a violent Santa Claus,
Who got divorced for just cause,
Now, all Santa's fans are upset.
Labels:
CHRISTMAS SATIRE,
DIVORCE,
Domestic Satire,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Santa Facts,
Spouse Of Santa,
Violent Santa
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
ODE TO MY SNOW COVERED SHACK ON THE HILL
My snow covered shack up on the hill,
Came crashing down upon my still,
It buried my corn, my sugar, my mash,
It even buried two cans of corned beef hash,
All I saved were some pickles; I think they're dill.
Came crashing down upon my still,
It buried my corn, my sugar, my mash,
It even buried two cans of corned beef hash,
All I saved were some pickles; I think they're dill.
Labels:
Corned Beef Hash,
dill pickles,
Home Cave-in,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
PICKLES,
STILL,
Whiskey Ingredients
Monday, August 8, 2016
TINKLE, TINKLE LITTLE CAR
Tinkle, tinkle little car,
Your oil leaks on the road tar,
Your radiator too,
Is leaking green-blue,
I don't think you'll go very far.
Your oil leaks on the road tar,
Your radiator too,
Is leaking green-blue,
I don't think you'll go very far.
Labels:
Auto Repairs,
Automobile,
CAR,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
oil leak,
Radiator Leak,
Small Cars
Friday, July 29, 2016
LIVESTOCK AND HEMLOCK
Jim raised cattle in the town of Hemlock,
Yet, the town's name don't sound friendly for stock,
For the main plant found round there,
Ain't corn, apple or pear,
But, the stopper of the chest thumping tick-toc.
Yet, the town's name don't sound friendly for stock,
For the main plant found round there,
Ain't corn, apple or pear,
But, the stopper of the chest thumping tick-toc.
Labels:
Hemlock,
HUMOR,
LIMERICKS,
Name Irony,
Poison Plants
Thursday, July 28, 2016
BEING DIFFERENT ON THE BOTTOM
My little pontoon boat has sprung a big leak,
So, in seaweed on the lake bottom a refuge I seek,
And, all the fish way down there,
Give me such a real nasty stare,
That, I feel like a fish they label a "freak."
So, in seaweed on the lake bottom a refuge I seek,
And, all the fish way down there,
Give me such a real nasty stare,
That, I feel like a fish they label a "freak."
Labels:
boating,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Out Of Place Prejudice,
Pontoon Boats,
Prejudice,
SATIRE
Monday, July 25, 2016
MY RICE WITH NO PUDDING
My rice pudding was all pudding free,
For only the rice was affordable to me,
But, maybe next year,
I'll spend far less on beer,
Then, there will be pudding and rice, maybe tea.
Labels:
food humor,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
RICE,
Rice Pudding,
tea
Sunday, July 17, 2016
EVIL ROY THE MOTH LIMERICK
Roy was a great big summer moth,
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
THE DRY NOODLE LIMERICK
Jim's noodles were so very dry,
They cracked his teeth oh my, oh my,
And, Jim's teeth were brand new,
So, the noodle maker he'll sue,
Jim wins if in the courtroom he'll cry.
They cracked his teeth oh my, oh my,
And, Jim's teeth were brand new,
So, the noodle maker he'll sue,
Jim wins if in the courtroom he'll cry.
Labels:
Dentures,
False Teeth,
Food Dangers,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Noodles
Friday, July 15, 2016
THE RAT THAT ESCAPED FROM HIS CAGE
My pet rat has escaped from his cage,
His imprisonment has filled him with rage,
So, I dare not linger,
Lest I loose a toe or a finger,
For a war I fear he may wage.
His imprisonment has filled him with rage,
So, I dare not linger,
Lest I loose a toe or a finger,
For a war I fear he may wage.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
A LIMERICK WITH NO MEANING BUT, IT RHYMES
Recces Roy set cans on fire,
They were garbage cans full of plastic wire,
He got away and then found,
The plastic wire underground,
Such groups signal a future that's dire.
They were garbage cans full of plastic wire,
He got away and then found,
The plastic wire underground,
Such groups signal a future that's dire.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
FIRECRACKERS CAUSED MY EATING DISORDER
Firecrackers were so very loud last night,
They frightened my kitty and made him bite,
The crackers caused me ear pain,
And, most likely weight gain,
Because eating makes the crackers sound right.
They frightened my kitty and made him bite,
The crackers caused me ear pain,
And, most likely weight gain,
Because eating makes the crackers sound right.
Labels:
Eating Disorder,
Firecrackers,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Loud Bangs
Friday, July 8, 2016
I FISH FOR FOOTWEAR
I went out trolling and caught me a boot,
It fit well so I trolled for a suit,
Now, all I caught was a shoe,
But, it was red, white and blue,
So, I gave it a naval salute.
It fit well so I trolled for a suit,
Now, all I caught was a shoe,
But, it was red, white and blue,
So, I gave it a naval salute.
Labels:
Clothing,
fishing,
Fourth of July Humor,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK
Thursday, July 7, 2016
I BAN GETTING TAN
My tan lotion didn't make me real tan,
Instead, I turned red like tomatoes in a can,
Then, my skin peeled and peeled,
Until, I finally healed,
Now, sunbathing is an activity I ban.
Instead, I turned red like tomatoes in a can,
Then, my skin peeled and peeled,
Until, I finally healed,
Now, sunbathing is an activity I ban.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Skin Peel,
SUMMER LIMERICK,
Sun Tan Lotion,
sunburn
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
THE BIRD BRAIN
A bird was flying right at me,
I wondered what it was,
It's identity was not important,
I just wondered just because,
I guessed it was a blue jay,
Then, I guessed it was a sparrow,
Then, I guessed it was a raven,
Then, I was struck down by the arrow.
I wondered what it was,
It's identity was not important,
I just wondered just because,
I guessed it was a blue jay,
Then, I guessed it was a sparrow,
Then, I guessed it was a raven,
Then, I was struck down by the arrow.
Labels:
Arrows,
Bird Identification,
BIRDS,
SILLY HUMOR,
silly rhymes
Friday, July 1, 2016
BRAIN PUDDING
I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.
Labels:
HUMOR,
Hypocrites,
LIMERICK,
PHILOSOPHY,
Pudding For Brains
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND ME
What if the universe runs out of time,
Can I still eat my beef that is labeled as prime?
Can I admire my gardens of veggies and flowers?
Or, nip away at cheap whisky I flavor with sours?
When the universe ends for all these things I will pine,
So, I'll now increase consumption, so at the end I won't whine.
Can I still eat my beef that is labeled as prime?
Can I admire my gardens of veggies and flowers?
Or, nip away at cheap whisky I flavor with sours?
When the universe ends for all these things I will pine,
So, I'll now increase consumption, so at the end I won't whine.
Labels:
Consumer,
Consumption,
End Of The Universe,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK
Monday, June 27, 2016
THE PRICE OF VANITY (A LIMERICK)
I hung my own picture on the wall,
It fell on my wood stove and that's not all,
After my nighttime retire,
My picture caught fire,
Now, I live on a bench in the mall.
It fell on my wood stove and that's not all,
After my nighttime retire,
My picture caught fire,
Now, I live on a bench in the mall.
Labels:
BAD LUCK,
house fire,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
vanity,
WOOD STOVE
Friday, June 24, 2016
IT SNOWED ON MY FOURTH OF JULY COOKOUT
It snowed on my Fourth of July cookout,
So, I had to order some Fourth of July took-out,
But, even with a downpour,
The fireworks would soar,
And, from inside we stood and would lookout.
So, I had to order some Fourth of July took-out,
But, even with a downpour,
The fireworks would soar,
And, from inside we stood and would lookout.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Snow On The Fourth Of July,
Weather
Thursday, June 23, 2016
I STEPPED ON A TOAD AND HAD A BAD HAIR DAY
When I walked through the forest grim,
I stepped on a toad and squashed poor him,
But, he was a barber toad,
Who felt revenge he was owed,
So, he gave my hair a bad trim.
I stepped on a toad and squashed poor him,
But, he was a barber toad,
Who felt revenge he was owed,
So, he gave my hair a bad trim.
Labels:
BAD HAIR CUTS,
Forest Walk,
Hair Cuts,
HUMOR,
LIMERICKS,
TOADS
Monday, June 20, 2016
MY BOARD GAME WINNINGS
While playing a board game that had a pair of red dice,
I noticed my opponent was scratching head lice,
I won that board game,
But, my win was so lame,
For my itchy skull was no prize but, a price.
I noticed my opponent was scratching head lice,
I won that board game,
But, my win was so lame,
For my itchy skull was no prize but, a price.
Labels:
Board Games,
Dice,
Head lice,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK
Friday, June 17, 2016
RANDY HAD A LITTLE RASH
Randy had a little rash,
He cleared it up but, it cost some cash,
So, he took a job in a sewer,
Which was such a peuwer,
He covered his face with a sash.
He cleared it up but, it cost some cash,
So, he took a job in a sewer,
Which was such a peuwer,
He covered his face with a sash.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Medical Costs,
Rash,
Skin Diseases,
Smelly Jobs
Thursday, June 16, 2016
COW'S MILK IN THE CITY
I went outside to find a cow,
I needed milk to feed my meow,
But, there were no cows in my city,
Some said I was dim-witty,
So, for market milk I'll settle for now.
I needed milk to feed my meow,
But, there were no cows in my city,
Some said I was dim-witty,
So, for market milk I'll settle for now.
Labels:
Feeding A Cat,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Milk For A Cat,
Milking A Cow
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
I BEAT MY DOOR WITH A ROCK
My dorm room door I beat down with a rock,
Because my roommates had changed the lock,
And, after that date,
I knew how'd I rate,
So, I put all their electronics in hock.
Because my roommates had changed the lock,
And, after that date,
I knew how'd I rate,
So, I put all their electronics in hock.
Labels:
BAD ROOMMATES,
Electronics,
Hock,
HUMOR,
LIMERICKS,
Lock Change by Roommates
Sunday, June 12, 2016
THEY CALL ME A TROLL
I love getting reactions when with words I deceive,
By making comments online that I don't believe,
Now, without regard for my soul,
I've been labeled a troll,
By those whom I conclude are naive. (Or, maybe not.)
Labels:
online disinformation,
troll,
trolling,
words of deception
Thursday, June 9, 2016
THE HOW DO I VOTE LIMERICK
In the election I don't know how to vote,
All the politicians just seem so remote,
I guess I'll vote for the best dancers,
Maybe they'll have the best answers,
I'd vote for bakers but, they all sugarcoat.
All the politicians just seem so remote,
I guess I'll vote for the best dancers,
Maybe they'll have the best answers,
I'd vote for bakers but, they all sugarcoat.
Labels:
CHOOSING A CANDIDATE,
ELECTIONS,
LIMERICK,
POLITICAL HUMOR,
voting
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
THE WORD "ARITHMETIC" STARTS WITH AN "A" LIMERICK
"Arithmetic" starts with an "A",
With such a good letter I should've had a good day,
But, what would it be?
On my math test was an "E",
So, in 1st grade I guess I will stay.
With such a good letter I should've had a good day,
But, what would it be?
On my math test was an "E",
So, in 1st grade I guess I will stay.
Labels:
ARITHMETIC,
LIMERICK,
MATH CLASS,
MATH TEST,
SCHOOL HUMOR
Monday, June 6, 2016
MY HOUND DOG BIT MY FACE OFF
My dog bit my face off and it was not pleasant,
He can't see too well and thought I a pheasant,
I don't blame him too much,
And, my face needed a touch,
Now, I don't look just like another peasant.
He can't see too well and thought I a pheasant,
I don't blame him too much,
And, my face needed a touch,
Now, I don't look just like another peasant.
Labels:
DOG,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
PETS,
POOR EYESIGHT
Friday, June 3, 2016
I SHUCKED A PEANUT
I shucked a peanut and no nut was there,
It was a great disappointment that I could not bare,
So, I shucked another,
It had no nut like it's brother,
Then, I started pulling out handfuls of my hair.
It was a great disappointment that I could not bare,
So, I shucked another,
It had no nut like it's brother,
Then, I started pulling out handfuls of my hair.
Labels:
DISAPPOINTMENT,
food limerick,
HUMOR,
peanuts,
SHUCKING PEANUTS
Thursday, June 2, 2016
THE ROTTEN FISH IN A BAG LIMERICK
My dog Jim found a fish in an old paper bag,
It smelled bad but Jim's tail did a vigorous wag,
It did not me take much of a study,
To see Jim had a new little buddy,
A buddy that just made me gag.
It smelled bad but Jim's tail did a vigorous wag,
It did not me take much of a study,
To see Jim had a new little buddy,
A buddy that just made me gag.
Labels:
animals,
FISH IN A BAG,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
PETS,
ROTTEN FISH IN A BAG,
SMELLY FISH
Monday, May 30, 2016
THE FIRE DANGER LIMERICK
I started a bonfire on Memorial Day,
The forest caught fire and I was blamed right away,
But, I told them I bet,
It was a cigarette,
For I let some lit ones go astray.
The forest caught fire and I was blamed right away,
But, I told them I bet,
It was a cigarette,
For I let some lit ones go astray.
Labels:
CIGARETTE CAUSED FIRES,
HAZARDS OF CIGARETTE SMOKING,
LIMERICK,
MEMORIAL DAY BONFIRE,
SMOKING DANGER WARNING
Friday, May 27, 2016
STAR SHIPS, SKYSCRAPERS AND BUILDING CODES
Randy built skyscrapers way up in the sky,
He built them way up where star ships would fly,
But, it really is sad,
How things went so bad,
Randy was ticketed for being too high.
He built them way up where star ships would fly,
But, it really is sad,
How things went so bad,
Randy was ticketed for being too high.
Labels:
BUILDINGS REACHING OUTER SPACE,
CONSTRUCTION CODES,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
SKYSCRAPERS,
STAR SHIPS
Thursday, May 26, 2016
THE TAXES PAST DUE LIMERICK
My taxes are past due,
Now, I'm in deep stew,
And, I'm feeling blue,
There's no one to sue,
My accountant, to the Cayman Islands he flew.
Now, I'm in deep stew,
And, I'm feeling blue,
There's no one to sue,
My accountant, to the Cayman Islands he flew.
Labels:
CAYMAN ISLANDS,
DEEP STEW,
FEELING BLUE,
HUMOR LIMERICK,
TAXES PAST DUE
Sunday, May 22, 2016
I BROKE MY TEABAG
My teabag breaks and spoils my drink,
I don't drink my tea so, all day I couldn't think,
I did try a Coke,
But, the Coke bottle broke,
When it went down the disposal in the sink.
I don't drink my tea so, all day I couldn't think,
I did try a Coke,
But, the Coke bottle broke,
When it went down the disposal in the sink.
Labels:
BAD DAY,
COKE,
DEFECTIVE TEA BAG,
LIMERICK,
SINK DISPOSAL
Friday, May 20, 2016
IT SNOWED AND FROZE MY PICKLE BUDS
It snowed and froze my pickle buds,
Now my pickle blossoms are just cruds,
And, it's so late in the season,
This cold spring is a treason,
I'll feel better when I crack open some suds.
Now my pickle blossoms are just cruds,
And, it's so late in the season,
This cold spring is a treason,
I'll feel better when I crack open some suds.
Labels:
COLD SPRING,
COLDSPELL,
garden humor,
gardening,
LIMERICK,
PICKLES
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