LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
animals
.
Show all posts
Showing posts with label
animals
.
Show all posts
Tuesday, March 5, 2024
DEMON FOOD, THANKS FRED
A witch put a horrible curse upon my goldfish, Fred,
Turned Fred into a gator, and Fred tried to eat me dead,
Although I tried to beg,
Fred chewed off my left leg,
Fred let me bleed, until the Devil's demons, my soul fed.
Tuesday, February 27, 2024
ATTACK OF THE WOLVERINE
The vicious wolverine bit off my middle toe,
I doubt I can get another mid-toe to grow,
He ripped out my lungs and face,
Fast, like he was in a race,
He ran off with my spleen, dragging it through the snow,
THE BEAST OF SUMER VALLEY
The beast that lives in Sumer Valley,
Eats the peasants, quite a tally,
He will jelly them for toast,
Or for dinner, a lamb roast,
With pitchforks and torches, the peasants will rally.
Saturday, February 24, 2024
DINO RAMPAGE
The dinosaur in my crawlspace, ate my dog and cat,
I told him it wasn't funny, and that he was not all that!
That big buns dino turd,
Never heard one word,
He ate my sister Sarah, and my little brother Pat.
22424
Wednesday, February 21, 2024
STARTING PLANTS INDOORS
I bought a bag of potting soil to start pepper plants inside,
I grow amazing, pretty pepper plants that are my joy and pride,
I transplant them to pots on my deck,
I grow amazing peppers by the peck,
I feed them to my pigs and chickens, and so far, none of them have died.
Sunday, February 18, 2024
I GOT A JOB IN DAIRY OUT ON PLANET X
I was abducted by an alien that landed a ship from outer space,
I knew he/she was an alien because her/his eyes glowed on his/ her face,
She/he took me to a store/farm,
She/he offered me no harm,
But he/she said I'd be milking cows and stocking the dairy case.
Friday, February 16, 2024
THE SINGING SNAPDRAGONS (A BOY BAND ODYSSEY)
Seven little snapdragons were swimming in the salt sea,
They climbed aboard my fishing boat, and sang sweet songs to me,
I took them back to my dump,
Sat them out on a fresh stump,
Where the snapdragons all sang in cute boy band harmony.
Thursday, February 15, 2024
MY CHICKEN LEG AND GEESE LIMERICK
I sat on a park bench, and did sup with the geese,
I chewed a leg of chicken, then threw them a piece,
The geese all honked and they hooped
Then on the sidewalk, they pooped,
Oh, the wonders of nature, will they ever cease?
Wednesday, February 14, 2024
THE LURKING COYOTE AND PAUL
There's a coyote lurking in my barn,
He ate a very skinny rat, oh darn,
The rat was called Paul,
He lived in a stall,
Paul made a nest for his babies, with yarn.
Saturday, February 10, 2024
THE BIRDS
There were three birds on my clothesline, and they were pooping on my clothes,
I told them not to do it, but they each turned up their bird beak nose,
I got out my squirt gun,
Squirted them, had some fun,
As they flew off, they pooped on my head, and it ran down to my toes.
21024
ATTACK OF THE VOLES 2
The cruel voles are sneaking into neighborhoods,
Towards the little village of Chewy Woods,
Once they are there,
No shrub they will spare,
Nurseries will be bare of live garden goods.
Friday, February 9, 2024
FEEDING A MICHIGAN WOLVERINE
A wolverine barged through my door, looking for something to eat,
I fixed him a stack of pancakes, but he wanted only meat,
I took him to the grocery store,
I bought him chicken, and beef and more,
I bought him some thick, smoked bacon for an after dinner treat.
2924
Thursday, February 8, 2024
WHAT ATE MY PRETTY BEAR
I was delirious, and had a real bad scare,
A wolverine attacked and ate my pretty bear,
My bear I called Honey,
He was nice, and funny,
That bad wolverine caused me sadness and despair.
MOUSE BE NIMBLE, MOUSE BE QUICK, OR IN THE GLUE TRAP YOU WILL STICK
Little Ginger was a furry,
She was a mouse not in a hurry,
She moved slowly, tap tap,
Got stuck in a glue trap,
Then the furry started to worry.
10522
Saturday, February 3, 2024
WOLVES OF THE DRUID
There are these big, vicious wolves called alpha-males,
When I feed them people, the wolves wag their tails,
I'm a druid in the woods,
I feed wolves Red Ridding Hoods,
After dinner they sing in their howls and wails.
Thursday, February 1, 2024
MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE TEDDY BEAR TWO
My beautiful blue teddy bear sat in a tire swing,
He doesn't really swing, because he cannot do a thing,
I drag his butt out and around,
On his belly I sometimes pound,
I just want to show Teddy that to him I am his king.
Saturday, January 27, 2024
BOB AND THE THREE BEARS
Bob was sleeping all quiet, in his warm bed upstairs,
When he awoke hearing footsteps of three great big bears,
When they entered his bedroom,
Bob wet his bed, fearing doom,
The bears were good neighbors, sharing a basket of pears.
Friday, January 26, 2024
MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE TEDDY BEAR
My beautiful blue teddy bear, he came to life,
He ran off with the next door neighbor's pretty wife,
It was really sad,
My Teddy did bad,
The neighbor ripped out Teddy's stuffing with a knife.
Monday, January 22, 2024
BLOOD BITES
The rats they sleep all day, and prowl around all night,
Looking for a spot of food, or an open toe to bite,
Their teeth pierce the fleshy toe,
For them a meal, for you a woe,
Then they disappear again; blood stains mark their flight.
BYE, BYE BIRDIE, TIGER GO DOWN
A tiger was climbing way, way up high in a tall tree,
He was after a sparrow, but that bird flew off to sea,
When the giant tiger found,
He was too high off the ground,
He jumped from the high branches, hurt his right paw, but was free.
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