LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt

Monday, August 3, 2026

THE EYEBALL AND THE BIGLY BEE

I bought some berries from a vendor, along the road,

I sampled a couple, then I took the rest to my abode,

Out of one berry came a bigly bee,

It stung my eyeball, so I could not see,

I still had an eye left, so I blinked for help in morse code.

LEIGH AND LEO GREW LITTLE HORN CORN

Leigh and Leo had a garden in their little backyard,

They raised seedy strawberries, and very sickly Swiss chard,

They planted thirteen rows of corn,

Each stock grew a tiny ear horn,

Leigh and Leo found out gardening was iffy and hard.

MARS: NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP, FOREVER

I and my family took off to live on the great planet, Mars,

We were promised A1 factory jobs, building electric cars,

But, nothing is here,

Just a bad atmosphere,

We came to claim a planet, but only oblivion is ours.16

Sunday, August 2, 2026

WHEN I SELL MY PIGS

I packed up the pigs, and I am taking them to the Kalkaska Slaughterhouse,

After I deliver my pigs, I'll buy nice things, like a banjo for the spouse,

In high school, she was a in a tin banjo band,

They were famous in Kalkaska County land,

I will buy the kids some soda pop, so when it is hot, their thirst they can douse.

Saturday, August 1, 2026

COUGAR IN THE TENT

Tenters are being eaten by big, hungry cougar, at the tenter park,

I hear their screams all night long, every night, as their dogs go bark, bark bark,

Sometimes some nice, big bones are left behind,

Coyote thank the cougar, and think them kind,

Campers are safe camping in a park, as long as it is not after dark.

Friday, July 31, 2026

A DEMON WITH A BAGGY TOOK MY SPOUSE, NAMED MAGGIE

I have to stay quiet, as quiet as a down, low mouse,

There are big demon monsters sitting outside of my house,

There's a parallel world, some say,

Where the people chose, another way,

This morning, demons black bagged away, my protester spouse.

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Barry was a tweetie-birdie,
But, his tweets were way too wordy,
So, he quit using the vowel,
On verbs, he threw in the towel,
His tweets are now not so purdy.

Barry the singing bird was quite the tweeter,
He said nothing new; he was a tweet repeater,
His tweets were not bold,
They were copies so old,
Barry was just a tweet thief and a cheater.

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GRANDPA SPLIT REALITY

Scientists wonder, what came before the big bang? It was sausage, eggs and cheese,

That meal massively gassed old grandpa up, then he let go an almighty breeze,

The universe split violently, into many,

I thought I was dead, and would not wake up in any,

I had to let the dog out, because in every universe my dog pees.19

Thursday, July 30, 2026

THE TEMPERATURE IS TOO DARN HIGH

It was so hot the earth felt like a grill,

I was cooking and needed a chill,

My AC would not work,

Because of a utility clerk,

I was cut off, because I couldn't pay my bill.

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ON MOTHER'S YACHT I ROT

I went down, down, to the very bottom, beneath the deep, dark blue sea,

It was actually dear Lake Michigan, that stretched out over me,

The world was full of many types of fish,

And, snails, and clams and worms that fingers can squish,

Now, I'll float in the cabin on mother's yacht, for all eternity.

MY DOG SWIMS WITH BABY FROGS

I went swimming up the river to a lake of frogs,

I swam amongst their babies as I paddled like my dogs,

Then, along came a bass,

He bit upon my mass,

And, he just wouldn't let go of me until, I climbed onto some logs.

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I WENT TO EGYPT TO DIG UP A MUM

I went to Egypt to dig up a mum,

But, I stayed at a hotel and drank tankards of rum,

So, I let the mum be,

And, watched cable TV,

While chewing on a big wad of gum.

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