HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

My fingers got blown off today,
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because of hot apps downloaded in May.

9316

PROPER WINE ETIQUETTE: THE CHEESE FILLED WIENER STORY

I got my cheese filled wieners, delivered from the wiener store,

I threw them on my old barbeque, and burned them to the core,

If one chased them down with red wine,

They tasted excellently fine,

Those who chased them down with the white, pooped their pants and ate no more.

UNHINGED TRUMPETER

Tory the 1st chair trumpeter, became quite unhinged,

Because on Johann S. Bach, all night she super binged,

Her lips were sore,

Her tongue was tore,

She started Toccata and Fugue, and her fingers cringed.

91224

BACON, TOAST EGGS GOOD: CEREAL, NOT SO MUCH HAIKU

High priced cereal,
Nice box: tastes like sticks and leaves,
Trash can smells better.

Sugar, Cereal,
Yuck! Tastes like very dry grass,
Eggs, toast, bacon, good.

7523

I SWAM 3 METERS

I swam 3 meters and sank down 4,

If I hadn't stopped swimming I would have sunk down more,

Of course, I'm a human,

I'm not a fish,

And, swimming makes my human parts feel very sore.

21923

FOUR LITTLE QUARTERS: MY SAVINGS AND CRAVINGS

Four little quarters I dropped into my coin bank,
They jingled and rattled while to the bottom they sank,
They were my life's savings,
I spent the rest on my cravings,
I always ate out, went to sports bars, and drank.

1823

THE BAD NEIGHBOR SWATTER

My neighbors are always swatting me, every time I come or go,

They call the police and say I'm a stranger, attacking so and so,

They want my land,

I understand,

But, to seize my property, I must have a cruel, wicked end, a woe.

SQUIRREL POX AND THE EMPIRE OF SQUIRREL

The squirrels took over the world,

They spread disease, and all humans hurled,

The plague did humans in,

It was biology, not sin,

With humans gone, the squirrel flag was unfurled.

82222

FEED THE PIGS

I had to go feed my jittery pigs,

I feed them slop filled with butts from my cigs,

Those pigs will deep diggy,

For every ciggy,

I watch and smoke, and I chew on soft figs.

FEED THE COWS

I grow some corn to feed my cows, along with alfalfa hay,

I make sure to feed all of my cows, on each and every day,

Once all my cows are fully filled,

I drink a pop that's chilly chilled,

I relax and wait for slaughter trucks, to truck my cows away.

82524

SILENCE OF THE CAR PHONE

I thought I would make a car phone,
So, I got a long cord on a loan,
But, the cord didn't reach car,
Now, I'm still in my car,
And, don't even have a dial tone. 

41223

I CHANGED MY BUSINESS PARTNERS

I decided to change out my business chums,
Because, I couldn't understand their sums,
But, how you choose,
Is why you loose,
I thank goodness for the charity of mums.

3221

GEORGE TOOK A BOAT OUT ON A LAKE

George took a boat out on a lake, 
To see what big fish he could take, 
The boat started to leak, 
It was a wooden antique, 
George knew he had made a mistake.

31021

LOVE AND KISSES FROM WRONG TURN MICHIGAN, WHILE I'M STILL ALIVE

I live in Wrong Turn, Michigan, and every day is bad,

Every day I regret moving here, where my life is just sad,

There are no thrown kisses, and lovey hugs,

Only rifle wounds, from the rural thugs,

None think on any happy thoughts, they all scowl, and be mad.

HARD RAIN AND BIG BERRY, JUICY MEATS

My old gravel road, got washed out by the water from the hard rain,

The good thing that came from the flood; my berries had a big juice gain,

My strawberries have nice meat,

They are juicy and real sweet,

Not sure how the neighbor's doing, with that confounded, sugar cane.

THREE SPANISH BROTHERS, THEIR BRIDES AND CANDY BEARS

There were 3 little boy babies, who came from Spain,

They grew up with two parents, in the State Of Maine,

The boys opened a flower shop,

They all got real rich, pop, pop, pop,

They each married ladies, who took gummies for pain.

PART SPOON, PART FORK: SPORK

I started eating all my meals with a thing called spork,

It's kind of like a spoon with one end like a small fork,

The spork don't stab very well,

The spork leaks soup, you can tell,

And, at the end of the day, it won't pull out a cork.

WORKING CLASS CLONES

There are millions of clones wandering our fine city streets,

They work in banks, and stores and restaurants making our eats,

Do the working clones really know?

They're just a piece of so and so,

Someone should tell them, they perform their lives as copied meats.

ADAM WAS A LITTLE, HUNGRY TROLL

Adam was a cute little troll, a cute little troll, like me,

Then our Adam grew to be six feet tall, by the age of three,

At four, Adam played college B-ball,

By then, he was nearly twelve feet tall,

But, Adam was still a troll, and kept eating the referee.

41025

THE DARK SIDE OF GUMMIES

I went to Rotterdam Michigan, where they make the tastiest gummies,

They soften the workload for the busy and ambitious, daddys and mommies,

Beware gummy creep,

It may lull you to sleep,

Some deep, eye, rem sleep is really good, too much deep, rem sleep is for dummies.