I HAVE CLIMATE CHANGE

My furnace died now, I have climate change,

I'm trying to survive in the lower temp range,

My environment is cold so, I made a fire,

But, the smoke made my breathing dire,

My head is cold because I have caught mange.

BARK NO DOG, LAMP NO LIGHT, BUG BITE

My lamp, it just wouldn't light,
I changed the bulb but, still not bright,
So I sat in the dark, 
With a dog who wouldn't bark,
And bugs that did nothing but bite.

MY BIRDIE RELATIONS

The birdies like on worms to dine,
But I hang my washing on the line,
So my washing is speckled,
At work I am heckled,
My birdie relations aren't fine.

THE UNICORN DOWN UNDER

There was a unicorn who slept down under,

The big trees when he heard thunder,

He made a loud breeze,

When he cut his cheese,

And the source of the loud noise made one wonder.

 

NOSE-FIRE

Peter the dragon blew no fire with his roar,

Out of his mouth came spit and nothing much more,

But out of his nose,

Came great flames with his blows,

When Peter had a cold he could melt iron ore.

BORIS WROTE A LIMERICK

Boris wrote a limerick for his ex-girlfriend Patty,
He said her teeth were knurly and hair was mattie,
Patty’s revenge was not slight,
With a scratch and a bite,
Then, Boris described Patty as catty.

I WENT OUTSIDE TO BURN A TIRE

De-cluttering my garage was my desire,

I went outside to burn a tire,
It lit real fast, and the flames jumped higher,
Then it caught my neighbors pine tree on fire, 
The settlement means I won't retire.

PP07082022

STING, SUPER CUTS AND GUTS

Tinker was a little nuts,

He ate only hornet guts,

They made is mouth sting,

And that was his thing,

Along with giving his lawn super cuts.

I PARKED ON A HILL

I parked my old rusty pickup on the hill,

I went into the store,

My parking brake done failed,

Then, my pickup charged downhill to war,

It terminated a parked bicycle,

It terminated something called art,

It terminated a parking meter,

It stopped when it ran down a grocery cart.

BARNY THE WICCAN

Barny was a practicing wiccan,
His familiar was a farm chicken,
If you want some good luck,
Get the chicken to cluck,
If he don't cluck you'll have some slim pickin'.

THERE WAS A FAT PIG NAMED DAVEY

There was a fat pig named Davey,
He ate pork sausage and gravey,
He once ran out of food,
Became a real skinny dude,
Then, bought all his cloths at Old Navy.

THE SOLAR FLARES AND BEARS LIMERICK

I went and watched some solar flares,

Singed my eyeballs, gave them tears,

I burned my skin,

They told next of kin,

Then they fed what remained to the bears.

THE FISH IN THE WEEDS

I hooked a fish out in the weeds,

For that is where the big fish feeds,

He fought and tangled,

And, my line angled,

That battle is among my proud deeds.

JIM'S APARTMENT

Jim's apartment, it's kind of small,
The bathroom is a hole in a wall,
The kitchens a delight,
A plate hanging from the light,
And, to sleep Jim curls up in a ball.

MOSQUITOS TAKE MORE THAN BLOOD

Meanie mosquitos, they done ate off my arms,

Then when I looked for my legs, that set off alarms,

My legs were in mosquito guts,

I was going really nuts,

No more camping, I'll stay on the farms.

A BIGFOOT ATE MY HOMEWORK

A Bigfoot ate my homework,
And, no one believes me,
But, I live in Michigan,
There's a Bigfoot behind each tree,

The Bigfoot is a real odd jerk,
He's really sneaky you see,
I just want to wish again,
I wish Bigfoot wouldn't bother me,

A Bigfoot ate my mom and dad,
My little sister too,
He even drank my soda pop,
And ate my dog named Blue,

Bigfoot's are protected,
If you harm one you'll go to jail,
I guess I will leave Michigan,
And, enroll in Princeton or maybe Yale.

MR. MARTIN HAD NO TICKER

Mr. Martin had no ticker,
His doctors wondered why, he was not sicker,
Martin swam in the bay,
Ate smoked bacon all day,
At night he drank beer and would bicker.

THE TEETER TOTTER TEARS

It rained on my teeter totter, and now it's all wet,

If now I teeter totter, I will find woe and then regret,

My pants will get all muddy,

And my neighbors will say I'm cruddy

Then I'll end up crying, because I am upset.

THE BENCH PAINTS MY TRENCH

Pardon my stench,

But I sat on a bench,

Unlike my home stoop,

It was covered in poop,

The poop stuck to the back of my trench.

THE PETOSKEY STONE LIMERICK, FESTIVAL AND CELL PHONE WARNING

My shinny petoskey stone, 
Made of something; maybe coral or bone,
I found one on the beach, 
And, what did it teach,
Watch out for water if you drop your cell phone.