MY END OF JUNE FISHING TRIP

It's the last day of June and fishing I've gone,

I'm catching nothing but weeds from the lake bottoms thick lawn,

It seems no matter what I may do,

I catch weeds brown, green and, blue,

I think my fish stories from today will just be a big yawn.

LOOKS VS BOOKS: THE TRUTH

Gorban was really proud of his great looks,

Which is why he didn't attend to his school books,

But he made lots of money,

And kept happy his honey,

While scholars worked as short order cooks.

THE GREEN SNAKES AND THE TADPOLE

In a small, shallow pond there lived a tadpole named Mike. Now Mike had several hundred brothers and sisters however, Mike’s brothers and sisters had all become frogs and had hopped away into the forest to find their own ponds where they could swim. This left Mike all alone in what seemed to be a much bigger pond than it had been when his brothers and sisters were still there.

One day, two green snakes came slithering into the pond. Mike was at first happy to see that he had some company but, the snakes began chasing after Mike and tried to eat him. Mike was very good at diving so he dove under the water and hid under some lily pads. After a while the snakes left but, the next day the two snakes were back and were again chasing poor Mike all around the pond. Mike screamed “Oh great green snakes please don’t eat me I haven’t even had a chance to grow up and become a frog yet.” But, Mike’s pleas were to no avail and the snakes kept chasing after him. Mike again hid under some lily pads until the snakes left the pond. This went on for about a week then; the green grass snakes went away for the rest of the summer to stay with an aunt and uncle who lived under a nice big rock at the edge of a beautiful lake.

When the summer came to an end the two green snakes returned home. They decided to go down to the little lily pond to see if they could make a snack of that tadpole they had left behind several weeks earlier. The two snakes slithered down to the pond and into the water. They looked all over for the tadpole. They even discovered his secret hiding spot under the lily pads. Finally, as the two green snakes were getting ready to give up looking for the tadpole, they noticed two really strange looking little islands in the middle of the pond. The snakes were curious about the islands because they had never seen them there before so, they swan over to investigate the islands. But, just as the snakes were almost on top of the islands a huge bullfrog surfaced. It seems the islands were actually the bull frog’s eyes and he had been waiting for the snakes to swim over to him.

“Remember me my fine green fellows,” the bull frog said to the snakes. “A few weeks ago I was just a little tadpole swimming around in this lily pond when you guys showed up and tried to eat me. You even came back several times looking for me and you terrified me like you would not believe. You knew then you could get away with terrifying me because at the time I was just a little unimportant tadpole. As you can see now, since you’ve been gone I’ve grown up quite a bit and everyone looks up to me because I have become so big and powerful. And, do you know what food I now like best?” The two snakes just lay in the water too shocked and afraid to move in front of the large bull frog.

The bull frog had a large grin on his face as he said, “My favorite food are green snakes”. With that the bull frog licked his lips and then proceeded to slurp each green snake down whole like a long piece of spaghetti. The bull frog was quite happy that he had devoured those awful snakes who had tormented him so much when he was just a little tad pole.

FASCIST TOOK MY NUTTY FRUITCAKE, AND MY DOUGHNUTS TOO

Well, I rowed my little dingy across the big lake,

Over there fascists steal all the bake goods I bake,

It's so very good to be free,

From fascist aristocracy,

Now I'll feast on my doughnuts and nutty fruitcake.

BENNY BET ON C AND BENNY LOST TO ME

Benny use to like to bet,,

He could hit high C on his cornet,

He'd bet he'd vibrate with B,

Then squeal out a D,

Benny owes me much money, yet.

Like A Trumpet Out Of Tune, Summer Starts In The Month Of June

Summer starts in the month of June,

Not aligned with the full moon,

Somehow that seems quite out of tune,

Like when Jen plays trumpet, after lunch at noon,

It's just hard to breath, after filling your belly so soon.

TEA AND SEA HORSEY

Living 22 meters below the sea,

There was a cute, little sea horsey,

It was a sea horse park,

Except for the shark,

Who ate the sea horsey as a snack, at tea.

DANNY THE BIG SHOT, GOT BEACHED OUT

Danny was a grocer; ten times a millionaire,

He thought himself a big shot; he figured he was there,

So he bought a big boat,

To join the yacht float,

But he was rejected, he was not a billionaire.

MY SPOUSE AND I GOT SEPARATED, BUT I'M STILL BEING BULLIED, LIMERICK

I heard a echo in my house,

It was the voice of Jingles, my late spouse,

Jingles said to me,

" You'll never be free,"

And "flush the toilet sometime, you louse".

THE LIMERICKS OF LYNN ( THE WALRUS)

Lynn was a walrus with an average weight,
But, she thought that her pounds gave her no chance to date,
So, she would not eat a thing,
From winter till spring,
But, thin and skinny to a male walrus don’t rate.

There once was a walrus named Lynn,
She couldn’t fit through her door when open,
So, she stuck dynamite,
By her belly so tight,
Now, she’s missed by her kith and her kin.

LITTLE WARNER WORKED A STREET CORNER

Little Skinny Warner,
Worked a street corner,
Selling chili with beans,

Little Skinny Warner,
Faked the accent of a foreigner,
To attract those customers with means,

Great Big Warner,
Worked a successful street coroner,
So successful that he burst out of his jeans.
 

ODE TO THE FLY

Out on the sofa, I thought I'd take a lie,

But I was bitten by a hungry, biting little fly,

He bit me on my nose, and took a tinkle on my tie,

He buzzed around my toes, and then he waved, goodbye,

So forever I'll be traumatised, until the day I die.

DISASTER, A MICHIGAN STORY

I about had a heart attack,

When the wind blew down my little shack,

It's the past, I won't look back

Lots of firewood to stack,

I'll winter warm, though walls I'll lack.

MY TRAVELS IN SPACE

Because my spaceship traveled slow,

There was no planet I could go,

I hailed a starship for a tow,

I had some money, they wanted mo,

I've found space travel for me, yields woe.

DEMONS ARE SOMETIMES JUST MISUNDERSTOOD, AND VIOLENT

There was a little demon, who stole all of my dry goods,

I caught him making pancakes, way out yonder near the woods,

I demanded he give my dry goods back,

Instead he burnt down my barn and shack,

Of course demons can be violent, which I misunderstoods.

THE LITTLE DEMON DINNER PARTY

I went and found a demon, eating his dinner out in the wood,

He was chomping on someone's arms and legs, while smacking his lips real good,

He asked me if I'd sit down and sup,

I said, "no thanks", before I threw up,

The demon replied, " more for me", as I turned back towards my neighborhood.

BAD DAY WITH SALTY YOLK

I had me some eggs with runny yolk,

Washed them down with Diet Coke,

Ate 2 lbs of salt, had a stroke,

My driver's license got a revoke,

Ran a light, and garbage pail I broke.

SAMMY WORKED ON TEETH, RIP

Sammy use to work on teeth,

Until he married his best friend, Keith,

They honeymoon-snorkeled a coral reef,

While snacking on a can of beef,

Till a great white shark hauled them beneath.

SAMMY GAPES THE TEETH

Sammy was a dental hygienist, who practiced poor hygiene,

And Sammy's  jaw was so soar, it made Sammy real, real mean,

On your teeth, Sammy would dig and scrape,

Until between your teeth there was a gape,

Sammy's had big troubles, after he gaped the tooths of our fab queen.

BAD TOOTH DECAY

Sammy had bad tooth decay,

Sammy chewed nuts, anyway,

When Sammy's. tooth fell out,

Sammy gave a pain shout,

At least, a dentist Sammy didn't to pay.