Tinkle, tinkle little car,
Your oil leaks on the road tar,
Your radiator too,
Is leaking green-blue,
I don't think you'll go very far.
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Monday, August 8, 2016
TINKLE, TINKLE LITTLE CAR
Labels:
Auto Repairs,
Automobile,
CAR,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
oil leak,
Radiator Leak,
Small Cars
Friday, July 29, 2016
LIVESTOCK AND HEMLOCK
Jim raised cattle in the town of Hemlock,
Yet, the town's name don't sound friendly for stock,
For the main plant found round there,
Ain't corn, apple or pear,
But, the stopper of the chest thumping tick-toc.
Yet, the town's name don't sound friendly for stock,
For the main plant found round there,
Ain't corn, apple or pear,
But, the stopper of the chest thumping tick-toc.
Labels:
Hemlock,
HUMOR,
LIMERICKS,
Name Irony,
Poison Plants
Thursday, July 28, 2016
BEING DIFFERENT ON THE BOTTOM
My little pontoon boat has sprung a big leak,
So, in seaweed on the lake bottom a refuge I seek,
And, all the fish way down there,
Give me such a real nasty stare,
That, I feel like a fish they label a "freak."
So, in seaweed on the lake bottom a refuge I seek,
And, all the fish way down there,
Give me such a real nasty stare,
That, I feel like a fish they label a "freak."
Labels:
boating,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Out Of Place Prejudice,
Pontoon Boats,
Prejudice,
SATIRE
Monday, July 25, 2016
MY RICE WITH NO PUDDING
My rice pudding was all pudding free,
For only the rice was affordable to me,
But, maybe next year,
I'll spend far less on beer,
Then, there will be pudding and rice, maybe tea.
Labels:
food humor,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
RICE,
Rice Pudding,
tea
Sunday, July 17, 2016
EVIL ROY THE MOTH LIMERICK
Roy was a great big summer moth,
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.
He only ate pure cotton cloth,
He would never play fair,
Ate holes in underwear,
The drafts made you yearn for hot broth.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
THE DRY NOODLE LIMERICK
Jim's noodles were so very dry,
They cracked his teeth oh my, oh my,
And, Jim's teeth were brand new,
So, the noodle maker he'll sue,
Jim wins if in the courtroom he'll cry.
They cracked his teeth oh my, oh my,
And, Jim's teeth were brand new,
So, the noodle maker he'll sue,
Jim wins if in the courtroom he'll cry.
Labels:
Dentures,
False Teeth,
Food Dangers,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Noodles
Friday, July 15, 2016
THE RAT THAT ESCAPED FROM HIS CAGE
My pet rat has escaped from his cage,
His imprisonment has filled him with rage,
So, I dare not linger,
Lest I loose a toe or a finger,
For a war I fear he may wage.
His imprisonment has filled him with rage,
So, I dare not linger,
Lest I loose a toe or a finger,
For a war I fear he may wage.
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
A LIMERICK WITH NO MEANING BUT, IT RHYMES
Recces Roy set cans on fire,
They were garbage cans full of plastic wire,
He got away and then found,
The plastic wire underground,
Such groups signal a future that's dire.
They were garbage cans full of plastic wire,
He got away and then found,
The plastic wire underground,
Such groups signal a future that's dire.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
FIRECRACKERS CAUSED MY EATING DISORDER
Firecrackers were so very loud last night,
They frightened my kitty and made him bite,
The crackers caused me ear pain,
And, most likely weight gain,
Because eating makes the crackers sound right.
They frightened my kitty and made him bite,
The crackers caused me ear pain,
And, most likely weight gain,
Because eating makes the crackers sound right.
Labels:
Eating Disorder,
Firecrackers,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Loud Bangs
Friday, July 8, 2016
I FISH FOR FOOTWEAR
I went out trolling and caught me a boot,
It fit well so I trolled for a suit,
Now, all I caught was a shoe,
But, it was red, white and blue,
So, I gave it a naval salute.
It fit well so I trolled for a suit,
Now, all I caught was a shoe,
But, it was red, white and blue,
So, I gave it a naval salute.
Labels:
Clothing,
fishing,
Fourth of July Humor,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK
Thursday, July 7, 2016
I BAN GETTING TAN
My tan lotion didn't make me real tan,
Instead, I turned red like tomatoes in a can,
Then, my skin peeled and peeled,
Until, I finally healed,
Now, sunbathing is an activity I ban.
Instead, I turned red like tomatoes in a can,
Then, my skin peeled and peeled,
Until, I finally healed,
Now, sunbathing is an activity I ban.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Skin Peel,
SUMMER LIMERICK,
Sun Tan Lotion,
sunburn
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
THE BIRD BRAIN
A bird was flying right at me,
I wondered what it was,
It's identity was not important,
I just wondered just because,
I guessed it was a blue jay,
Then, I guessed it was a sparrow,
Then, I guessed it was a raven,
Then, I was struck down by the arrow.
I wondered what it was,
It's identity was not important,
I just wondered just because,
I guessed it was a blue jay,
Then, I guessed it was a sparrow,
Then, I guessed it was a raven,
Then, I was struck down by the arrow.
Labels:
Arrows,
Bird Identification,
BIRDS,
SILLY HUMOR,
silly rhymes
Friday, July 1, 2016
BRAIN PUDDING
I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.
Labels:
HUMOR,
Hypocrites,
LIMERICK,
PHILOSOPHY,
Pudding For Brains
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND ME
What if the universe runs out of time,
Can I still eat my beef that is labeled as prime?
Can I admire my gardens of veggies and flowers?
Or, nip away at cheap whisky I flavor with sours?
When the universe ends for all these things I will pine,
So, I'll now increase consumption, so at the end I won't whine.
Can I still eat my beef that is labeled as prime?
Can I admire my gardens of veggies and flowers?
Or, nip away at cheap whisky I flavor with sours?
When the universe ends for all these things I will pine,
So, I'll now increase consumption, so at the end I won't whine.
Labels:
Consumer,
Consumption,
End Of The Universe,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK
Monday, June 27, 2016
THE PRICE OF VANITY (A LIMERICK)
I hung my own picture on the wall,
It fell on my wood stove and that's not all,
After my nighttime retire,
My picture caught fire,
Now, I live on a bench in the mall.
It fell on my wood stove and that's not all,
After my nighttime retire,
My picture caught fire,
Now, I live on a bench in the mall.
Labels:
BAD LUCK,
house fire,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
vanity,
WOOD STOVE
Friday, June 24, 2016
IT SNOWED ON MY FOURTH OF JULY COOKOUT
It snowed on my Fourth of July cookout,
So, I had to order some Fourth of July took-out,
But, even with a downpour,
The fireworks would soar,
And, from inside we stood and would lookout.
So, I had to order some Fourth of July took-out,
But, even with a downpour,
The fireworks would soar,
And, from inside we stood and would lookout.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Snow On The Fourth Of July,
Weather
Thursday, June 23, 2016
I STEPPED ON A TOAD AND HAD A BAD HAIR DAY
When I walked through the forest grim,
I stepped on a toad and squashed poor him,
But, he was a barber toad,
Who felt revenge he was owed,
So, he gave my hair a bad trim.
I stepped on a toad and squashed poor him,
But, he was a barber toad,
Who felt revenge he was owed,
So, he gave my hair a bad trim.
Labels:
BAD HAIR CUTS,
Forest Walk,
Hair Cuts,
HUMOR,
LIMERICKS,
TOADS
Monday, June 20, 2016
MY BOARD GAME WINNINGS
While playing a board game that had a pair of red dice,
I noticed my opponent was scratching head lice,
I won that board game,
But, my win was so lame,
For my itchy skull was no prize but, a price.
I noticed my opponent was scratching head lice,
I won that board game,
But, my win was so lame,
For my itchy skull was no prize but, a price.
Labels:
Board Games,
Dice,
Head lice,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK
Friday, June 17, 2016
RANDY HAD A LITTLE RASH
Randy had a little rash,
He cleared it up but, it cost some cash,
So, he took a job in a sewer,
Which was such a peuwer,
He covered his face with a sash.
He cleared it up but, it cost some cash,
So, he took a job in a sewer,
Which was such a peuwer,
He covered his face with a sash.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Medical Costs,
Rash,
Skin Diseases,
Smelly Jobs
Thursday, June 16, 2016
COW'S MILK IN THE CITY
I went outside to find a cow,
I needed milk to feed my meow,
But, there were no cows in my city,
Some said I was dim-witty,
So, for market milk I'll settle for now.
I needed milk to feed my meow,
But, there were no cows in my city,
Some said I was dim-witty,
So, for market milk I'll settle for now.
Labels:
Feeding A Cat,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
Milk For A Cat,
Milking A Cow
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
I BEAT MY DOOR WITH A ROCK
My dorm room door I beat down with a rock,
Because my roommates had changed the lock,
And, after that date,
I knew how'd I rate,
So, I put all their electronics in hock.
Because my roommates had changed the lock,
And, after that date,
I knew how'd I rate,
So, I put all their electronics in hock.
Labels:
BAD ROOMMATES,
Electronics,
Hock,
HUMOR,
LIMERICKS,
Lock Change by Roommates
Sunday, June 12, 2016
THEY CALL ME A TROLL
I love getting reactions when with words I deceive,
By making comments online that I don't believe,
Now, without regard for my soul,
I've been labeled a troll,
By those whom I conclude are naive. (Or, maybe not.)
Labels:
online disinformation,
troll,
trolling,
words of deception
Thursday, June 9, 2016
THE HOW DO I VOTE LIMERICK
In the election I don't know how to vote,
All the politicians just seem so remote,
I guess I'll vote for the best dancers,
Maybe they'll have the best answers,
I'd vote for bakers but, they all sugarcoat.
All the politicians just seem so remote,
I guess I'll vote for the best dancers,
Maybe they'll have the best answers,
I'd vote for bakers but, they all sugarcoat.
Labels:
CHOOSING A CANDIDATE,
ELECTIONS,
LIMERICK,
POLITICAL HUMOR,
voting
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
THE WORD "ARITHMETIC" STARTS WITH AN "A" LIMERICK
"Arithmetic" starts with an "A",
With such a good letter I should've had a good day,
But, what would it be?
On my math test was an "E",
So, in 1st grade I guess I will stay.
With such a good letter I should've had a good day,
But, what would it be?
On my math test was an "E",
So, in 1st grade I guess I will stay.
Labels:
ARITHMETIC,
LIMERICK,
MATH CLASS,
MATH TEST,
SCHOOL HUMOR
Monday, June 6, 2016
MY HOUND DOG BIT MY FACE OFF
My dog bit my face off and it was not pleasant,
He can't see too well and thought I a pheasant,
I don't blame him too much,
And, my face needed a touch,
Now, I don't look just like another peasant.
He can't see too well and thought I a pheasant,
I don't blame him too much,
And, my face needed a touch,
Now, I don't look just like another peasant.
Labels:
DOG,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
PETS,
POOR EYESIGHT
Friday, June 3, 2016
I SHUCKED A PEANUT
I shucked a peanut and no nut was there,
It was a great disappointment that I could not bare,
So, I shucked another,
It had no nut like it's brother,
Then, I started pulling out handfuls of my hair.
It was a great disappointment that I could not bare,
So, I shucked another,
It had no nut like it's brother,
Then, I started pulling out handfuls of my hair.
Labels:
DISAPPOINTMENT,
food limerick,
HUMOR,
peanuts,
SHUCKING PEANUTS
Thursday, June 2, 2016
THE ROTTEN FISH IN A BAG LIMERICK
My dog Jim found a fish in an old paper bag,
It smelled bad but Jim's tail did a vigorous wag,
It did not me take much of a study,
To see Jim had a new little buddy,
A buddy that just made me gag.
It smelled bad but Jim's tail did a vigorous wag,
It did not me take much of a study,
To see Jim had a new little buddy,
A buddy that just made me gag.
Labels:
animals,
FISH IN A BAG,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
PETS,
ROTTEN FISH IN A BAG,
SMELLY FISH
Monday, May 30, 2016
THE FIRE DANGER LIMERICK
I started a bonfire on Memorial Day,
The forest caught fire and I was blamed right away,
But, I told them I bet,
It was a cigarette,
For I let some lit ones go astray.
The forest caught fire and I was blamed right away,
But, I told them I bet,
It was a cigarette,
For I let some lit ones go astray.
Labels:
CIGARETTE CAUSED FIRES,
HAZARDS OF CIGARETTE SMOKING,
LIMERICK,
MEMORIAL DAY BONFIRE,
SMOKING DANGER WARNING
Friday, May 27, 2016
STAR SHIPS, SKYSCRAPERS AND BUILDING CODES
Randy built skyscrapers way up in the sky,
He built them way up where star ships would fly,
But, it really is sad,
How things went so bad,
Randy was ticketed for being too high.
He built them way up where star ships would fly,
But, it really is sad,
How things went so bad,
Randy was ticketed for being too high.
Labels:
BUILDINGS REACHING OUTER SPACE,
CONSTRUCTION CODES,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
SKYSCRAPERS,
STAR SHIPS
Thursday, May 26, 2016
THE TAXES PAST DUE LIMERICK
My taxes are past due,
Now, I'm in deep stew,
And, I'm feeling blue,
There's no one to sue,
My accountant, to the Cayman Islands he flew.
Now, I'm in deep stew,
And, I'm feeling blue,
There's no one to sue,
My accountant, to the Cayman Islands he flew.
Labels:
CAYMAN ISLANDS,
DEEP STEW,
FEELING BLUE,
HUMOR LIMERICK,
TAXES PAST DUE
Sunday, May 22, 2016
I BROKE MY TEABAG
My teabag breaks and spoils my drink,
I don't drink my tea so, all day I couldn't think,
I did try a Coke,
But, the Coke bottle broke,
When it went down the disposal in the sink.
I don't drink my tea so, all day I couldn't think,
I did try a Coke,
But, the Coke bottle broke,
When it went down the disposal in the sink.
Labels:
BAD DAY,
COKE,
DEFECTIVE TEA BAG,
LIMERICK,
SINK DISPOSAL
Friday, May 20, 2016
IT SNOWED AND FROZE MY PICKLE BUDS
It snowed and froze my pickle buds,
Now my pickle blossoms are just cruds,
And, it's so late in the season,
This cold spring is a treason,
I'll feel better when I crack open some suds.
Now my pickle blossoms are just cruds,
And, it's so late in the season,
This cold spring is a treason,
I'll feel better when I crack open some suds.
Labels:
COLD SPRING,
COLDSPELL,
garden humor,
gardening,
LIMERICK,
PICKLES
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
THE MICROWAVE DISH MALFUNCTION
My microwave dish today did not please,
For it melted and mixed with my cheddar cheese,
And, it was without any pleasure,
Disposing of my cheddar treasure,
And, that bright golden cheddar did tease.
For it melted and mixed with my cheddar cheese,
And, it was without any pleasure,
Disposing of my cheddar treasure,
And, that bright golden cheddar did tease.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
MICROWAVE,
MICROWAVE DISH,
MICROWAVE PROBLEMS,
MICROWAVE SAFE
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
MY PSYCHIC TOLD ME I COULD BE PRESIDENT
My psychic told me I could be president,
So off to the primaries I gleefully went,
But, when I got there,
They made fun of my hair,
I guess my hair didn't quite fit their tent.
So off to the primaries I gleefully went,
But, when I got there,
They made fun of my hair,
I guess my hair didn't quite fit their tent.
Labels:
BIG HAIR,
BIG TENT POLITICAL PARTIES,
HUMOR,
LIMERICKS,
POLITICAL HUMOR,
PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES,
SATIRE
Monday, May 16, 2016
OLD SNOOK CUT DOWN MY APPLE TREE
Old Snook cut down my apple tree,
I told Old Snook to leave it be,
But, Snook needed a thrill,
Because dry was his still,
And, he blamed his lost liquor on me.
I told Old Snook to leave it be,
But, Snook needed a thrill,
Because dry was his still,
And, he blamed his lost liquor on me.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
PICK LOW EXPECTATOINS
It's best to be not very bright,
Or, you'll get calls all day and night,
But, stupid brains they get to rest,
Low expectations,
So, none will pest.
Or, you'll get calls all day and night,
But, stupid brains they get to rest,
Low expectations,
So, none will pest.
Labels:
intelligence,
irony,
lack of,
pest,
rest,
SATIRE,
SILLY RHYME
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
THE FOOD CHAIN IN MY HOME
Although I warned him it was not suppy,
My swordfish ate my baby guppy,
Then, my swordfish just smiled,
He was a pernicious child,
So, I fed my swordfish to my sweet puppy.
My swordfish ate my baby guppy,
Then, my swordfish just smiled,
He was a pernicious child,
So, I fed my swordfish to my sweet puppy.
Monday, May 9, 2016
SPROUT PRIDE AND THE RABBIT
I was proud of my little bean sprouts,
On media I bragged with my touts,
Then, along came a rabbit,
With a bean sprout eating habit,
Now, my touts are all met with real doubts.
On media I bragged with my touts,
Then, along came a rabbit,
With a bean sprout eating habit,
Now, my touts are all met with real doubts.
Labels:
ANIMAL PESTS,
BEAN SPROUTS,
gardening,
HUMOR,
RABBITS,
SOCIAL MEDIA
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
I TIME MACHINED BACK TO THE OLD WEST I
I took my time machine back to the Old West,
Where I heard the living was the best,
But, a scorpion sting,
Made my tenor voice sing,
Then, I fell into a rattlesnake nest.
Where I heard the living was the best,
But, a scorpion sting,
Made my tenor voice sing,
Then, I fell into a rattlesnake nest.
Labels:
HUMOR,
irony,
OLD WEST,
RATTLESNAKES,
SATIRE,
SCORPION STING,
SCORPIONS
Thursday, April 28, 2016
JIM'S MORTGAGE WAS SINK OR SWIM
With Jim's mortgage it was sink or swim,
In choices the banks gave no other,
So, Jim chose the choice easiest for him,
He moved in with his mother.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE THAT COUNTS
We are all made up of blood and guts,
And things that make nasty puddles,
But, hair and skin,
No matter how thin,
Makes it OK when the nasty stuff cuddles.
And things that make nasty puddles,
But, hair and skin,
No matter how thin,
Makes it OK when the nasty stuff cuddles.
Labels:
CUDDLING,
HUMAN ANATOMY,
WHAT'S INSIDE
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
SANTA WENT OUT ON THIN ICE
Santa went out on the ice on the bay,
Chasing a reindeer that had just run away,
But, the ice wasn't good,
Where the heavy elf stood,
He said "Ho, Ho," as he went under that day.
Chasing a reindeer that had just run away,
But, the ice wasn't good,
Where the heavy elf stood,
He said "Ho, Ho," as he went under that day.
Labels:
REINDEER,
SANTA,
SANTA HUMOR,
THIN ICE
Monday, April 18, 2016
BY MY HOUSE ON A HILL WAS A TREE
By my house on a hill was a tree,
I cut the tree down but, I should have left the tree be,
For, the tree held up the hill,
My house made a topple-down spill,
And, I was buried beneath the hill, house and tree.
I cut the tree down but, I should have left the tree be,
For, the tree held up the hill,
My house made a topple-down spill,
And, I was buried beneath the hill, house and tree.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
I GET LOW ON CASH EVERY TIME THE MARKETS CRASH
I get very low on cashes,
Every time the market crashes,
It seems I just buy a stock,
Then, within a tic-toc,
I feel the bite of regret lashes.
Every time the market crashes,
It seems I just buy a stock,
Then, within a tic-toc,
I feel the bite of regret lashes.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
THE TAX JINGLE
Bill had to see a tax-attorney,
Or, to the federal prison journey,
But, his taxes still were far out of sight,
So, Bill left on the next international flight.
Or, to the federal prison journey,
But, his taxes still were far out of sight,
So, Bill left on the next international flight.
Labels:
federal prison,
fugitive from taxes,
HUMOR,
jingle,
SATIRE,
tax-attorney,
TAXES
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
THE DOCTOR'S BILL
Sydney was such a pill,
He couldn't remember to pay his doctor's bill,
Through his mental disturbance,
He caused much perturbance,
Now, he has a room with no window or sill.
He couldn't remember to pay his doctor's bill,
Through his mental disturbance,
He caused much perturbance,
Now, he has a room with no window or sill.
Labels:
DOCTOR'S BILL,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
MEDICAL HUMOR
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
I SHOT MY SLINGSHOT STRAIGHT UP INTO THE AIR
I shot my slingshot straight up into the air,
My shot went way, way, way, way, way, way up there,
The shot fell from up there so far,
Through the windshield of my car,
Now, my slingshot has brought me despair.
My shot went way, way, way, way, way, way up there,
The shot fell from up there so far,
Through the windshield of my car,
Now, my slingshot has brought me despair.
Labels:
HUMOR,
LIMERICKS,
SHOT,
slingshot,
SLINGSHOT ACCIDENTS,
WINDSHIELD BREAKING
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
IGNORING ONLINE VERBAL MEANIES LIMERICK
So many people are bitter,
When they make pronouncements on twitter,
But, Rose tweets all day long,
And, relies on her bong,
To ignore the verbal meanies who hit her.
Labels:
BONGS,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
ONLINE ABUSE,
VERBAL MEANIES
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
A RARE-BOURBON OR A BUCK AND A QUARTER FOR BEER
Passionate Pete Porter
Was a rare-bourbon snorter,
But, one day he tried beer,
Then, his new passion was clear,
And, each glass cost just a buck and a quarter.
Was a rare-bourbon snorter,
But, one day he tried beer,
Then, his new passion was clear,
And, each glass cost just a buck and a quarter.
Labels:
BEER,
beer drinker,
bourbon drinker,
cheap drinks,
HUMOR,
LIMERICK,
rare-bourbon
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
MOLLY MELANCHOLY FOUND A CAREER
Molly was so melancholy,
She went to funerals to feel jolly,
And, at the service where others would mourn,
She'd crack a soda and eat popcorn,
While other girls at night would roam,
Molly spent her nights at the funeral home,
Molly so much loved the death tradition,
Molly studied and became the town mortician.
She went to funerals to feel jolly,
And, at the service where others would mourn,
She'd crack a soda and eat popcorn,
While other girls at night would roam,
Molly spent her nights at the funeral home,
Molly so much loved the death tradition,
Molly studied and became the town mortician.
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