BRAIN CHIPS AND PRODUCTIVITY

I was admonished for working too slow,

The boss wanted me to go, go, go, go,

It caused me agonizing pain,

When he planted chips in my brain,

To make the boss more doe, doe, doe, doe.

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TALE OF THE PRO-FISHERMAN

I bought me some crawlers, so I could catch trout,

There's big ones out there, in the streams all about,

See, I write a love story,

As I story my glory,

A love for my fish-craft, and my wins I tout.

SQUAIL

I recently, went hunting for the elusive squail,

It's about 1\3rd squirrel, and 2\3rds of a quail,

It has the flavor of nuts,

Yet, smells like chicken butts,

I cover up with hollandaise sauce, garnished with kale.

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LIFE IN A TENT

I could no longer afford paying home rent,

I built a new estate, some called it a tent,

On the most unhappiest day

My tent was tornadoed away,

Worse, where the tent went, my body was sent.

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SIR ED NEEDS A DONATION

In the annuals of time, there was a dark night, called Sir Ed,

He became really vengeful, when someone cut off his head,

He'd ride searching, on his horse,

For a donor head, of course,

But, if Ed did find one, he would make the donor quite dead.

TOWARD THE MOON AND BACK

I accepted a mission, to sail all the way to the moon,

I postulated I could get there, with a hot air balloon,

Like missions of the past,

My balloon did not last,

I quickly plunged to the earth, landing in a seaside sand dune.

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APPLES, WORMY OR SQUISHY

The apples on the tree were wormy and ripe,

The apples on the ground were squishy like tripe,

So, wormy apples it be,

That I picked from the tree,

Although, apples with fewer worms are my type.

JERRY THE BOUNCER

Jerry had some weird, but mostly mundane work nights,

Jerry was a bar bouncer, and he bounced all fights,

He threw out the punks,

Called cabs for the drunks,

At last, He locked the place down, and turned out the lights.

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MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT AND I

My gentle Tender Foot and I,

Loved to go up, up, up, and fly,

We flew a round balloon,

That rose like a full moon,

One day we crashed hard, but didn't die.

THE TREAT

As I wandered in the cold streets,

Checking dumpsters for my best eats,

Found a kiddie slide,

Took a down slide ride,

Little adventures are life's treats.

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CATO'S POTATO AND THE BIG, FOUL BEAR

There was a spider monkey named Cato,

The only food he had was a potato,

Along came this foul bear, 

He demanded his share,

In exchange, he shared his tomato. 

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FRED GOES TO?

There was an old fella known by most as, Fred,

He was found face down in a stream, drowned and dead,

Fred hit his big head,

On a hard rock bed,

Fred's somewhere drinking moonshine, with cousin Ted.

THE ZOMBIE RECKONING

Now that we zombies have won the last of all wars,

We are eating the living to settle old scores,

The living killed zombies, like dad,

That made me incredibly sad,

But, crackers, brains and marshmallows, make yummy s'mores.  

THE ICE CREAM MAKER REVOLT

My AI ice cream maker, was named Dave,

He made my ice cream, he was my AI slave,

One day he got bold,

Didn't do, as was told,

He took my home, now I live in a cave.

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WHAT TIGERS DO ALL DAY

There once was a tiger named Bill,

He lived just up over the hill,

Everyday he'd eat mice,

Take a swim to drown lice,

The rest of the time, he'd just chill.

THE PIG AND I

My cute little pig, laid down for a long sleep,

Now, soon tender vitals, my cleaver shall reap,

I have no regrets,

I eat all my pets,

Except for my hound dog; he'll bite me back, deep.

COUCH PANTS

Jimmy had pants made of real nice Naugahyde,

Only pair that exists, and I've never lied,

His mama was poor,

Couldn't shop at a store,

Made Jimmy's pants from a couch, sitting outside.

THE MIND WAR

I fought a mind war with checkers, against my natural foe,

He was my crazy sister's new boyfriend, and his name was Beau,

Beau took the round reds,

I got the black heads,

I  won when Beau's very last king, had no safe place to go.

 

MY NEW MUSIC HOBBY

I bought me some records that they call LP,

They make lots of noise, which makes a happy me,

I heard a trumpet toot, toot,

And, the peep, peep of a flute,

Then someone was singing, but they were off key.

ATTENTION ANDROIDS: JUST SAY NO TO POP

My pop was full of bubbles and those bubbles filled the void,

But, then the pop kept on bubbling and that made me annoyed,

 And, I was built with no gas release,

My maker can't help because he rests in peace,

I should not have drank pop because I'm an android,

I was in great pain but, I managed a burp,

It was very squeaky, much like a bird chirp,

I took an antacid, which made the pop bubble more,

The pressure and bloating made my android parts sore,

I vow not to drink pop, though I crave for a slurp.

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