MANY PEOPLE SAY

Many people say there are ogres behind the trees,
Some people say that Martians buzz like bees,
I hear that people say that chickens don't have knees,
I've heard a lot of people say that Santa water skis,
But, I think that people say things because they like to tease.

THE TWO WHACK JOBS GOT MARRIED

Dave was what you would call, extremely mecurial,

For ladies, he was not parental material,

Dave carried reject pain,

In his unsettled brain,

Then married capricious 3rd cousin, Merial.   

MY SWEATY CORNET

It seemed like for my old cornet, all the notes did melt,

For steaming hot was parade day, and that my cornet felt,

My lips got drip, dry parched, 

The notes got damaged as we marched,

When the parade was finally done, I had a root beer belt.

THE REBELLION OF THE RASPBERRIES

My raspberries needed more care,

But I hadn't the water to spare,

So they all got real grumpy,

And surrounded my dumpy,

And demanded that my water, I share.

THE PIE-FILLING GUT-GAS OF STEVE

Stevie liked his pastries full of pie-filling,
He'd eat them all day if his belly was willing,
But, he never did think,
The pie filling could stink,
When the gas in his guts was just killing.

THE AMPERSAND LIMERICK

Teacher told me I couldn't use the ampersand (& ),

He said in his class, that symbol was banned,

Well it just is not fair,

Just because teach lost his hair,

That the poor little ampersand is canned.

I HAVE BEEN ENSLAVED BY PLANTS FROM ANOTHER WORLD, LIMERICK

There are alien flowers growing behind my shack,

I don't talk to them because they holler back,

They are very demanding,

In fact, downright commanding

I do what they say, because I'm afraid they'll attack.

DRIED DILL DOWN THE HILL

It rained so very much, that mud went sliding on down the hill,

Along with my shack, and dozens of dried bundles of dill,

It was a disaster, complete

I had no place for my seat,

And the neighbor association, sent me a moving bill.

I PRACTICED THE HARP WHILE WAITING

There was a nail named Mr. Green,

One scratch from him and I got gangrene,

My toe nails are so sharp,

They could pic play my harp,

While I was in the world of in between.

CHRISTMAS IN JULY

It was getting so hot, it made me psycho in the mind,

So I pretended it was Christmas, so I could unwind,

I saw the sky drop snow,

I watched the layers grow,

Then suddenly I wondered, if my snow shovel I could find.

KIM AND THE KILLER WHALE

There was an orca in the community pool,

I didn't hop in because I've never been a fool,

But my best friend, Kim

Went in for a swim,

They both teased me for being scarred, and that was cruel.

BIKING, TRIKING AND HIKING

I can no longer balance on a bike,

That's why I bought myself a trike,

But, the trike was too small,

Or, I'm just too tall,

To stop knees in my face I must hike. 

AI GAVE ME FAT THIGHS

I ordered from an AI, my dinner online,

The AI took my order and I thought all was fine,

I ordered chicken and fries,

Got pancakes and fried thighs,

I think the AI should stop sampling the wine.

WASPS DON'T THINK SIN, WHEN THEIR PEELING SKIN

Giant wasps are on their way, to peel away our human skins,

Each wasp delights in our screams, while they make those bug face grins,

Big shots say the bugs will freeze,

It don't help us, that hope filled tease,

I think we should be setting traps; maybe use some tuna tins..

I DIDN'T KNOW. THERE WAS A CRAPIER JOB, UNTIL AI TOOK IT AWAY

I was a limericks writer, paid in rubles, plus it was a hob,

Now Artificial intelligence, has taken away my job,

I pick up bottles in ditches,

Get stained and muddy britches,

Just so I get to eat, because I'm now an unemployed slob.

MONTREAL VACATION

I went to Montreal to see the buildings and the beautiful sites,

But I had trouble speaking French, because I lack some brights,

At restaurants, I felt despair,

For food and drink, I had just air,

Next time I go to Montreal, with an interpreter I'll get the tights. 

CUNNING ABSALOM

Poor little Absalom, did not see the big hawk coming,

Absalom was a little mouse, and not so fast at running,

When the hawk grabbed Absalom's tale,

Absalom let out such a a wail, 

The hark dropped Absalom, which showed Absalom was cunning.

HEAD-KNOCKER SUNDIAL

Don gave his head a really bad knock,
When he fell into a sundial clock,
By the time Don's thinking had cleared,
Don had a long beard,
And, the sundial weathered down to a rock. 

DEATH OF THE CLOCK AND THE RISE OF THE WATCH

My wall-clock fell on my desk and broke,
No reviving, it suffered a terminal stroke,
Oh, what should I do,
When I need time that's true,
I bought a gold watch from a street-corner bloke.

Wind Blows Clunker Down

When the tornado came toward my bunker,

Down inside I chose to hunker,

With my dog named Dee,

And my cat named Lee,

The bunker survived by not my old clunker.