THE PROMISES, PROMISES LIMERICK

"Promises, promises" my fiance would say,
She said that to  me almost every day,
Then, she became most annoyed,
When I chose to avoid,
Making promises I wouldn't keep anyway.

A TRUMPETER DOES SIN AND THE FIRST VIOLIN

I played my trumpet, but it was not near in tune,

I got lots of complaints from the conductor, real soon,

I admitted my sin,

Tuned with the first violin,

We fell in love and were married by noon.

I FOOL AND DROOL

Because I did not well in school,

My teachers called me the school fool,

Not a teacher's pet,

I'm a Cub Scout vet,

Lost my front teeth, so I drool.

ZOMBIE EATS

Some zombies eat brains, ears, noses and guts,

I know a zombie that eats only pistachio nuts,

He eats in the stores,

Spills most on the floors,

He just eats what he wants, I only eat  pork butts.

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS

It's the holiday known as "April Fools",

It's the day they close down all the schools,

Daddy locks up his power tools,

Mommy reminds us of house rules,

But puppy, he just farts and drools.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR TIC TOCS AT?

I had no dollars in my pocket,

So I couldn't buy a bottle rocket,

So to feel more fine,

I expressed online,

To the world, I did Tic Toc it.

MY "F" SONG

I wrote for class a little song,

Graded "F", grammar was wrong,

I played pingpong,

A game of Kong,

Then watched monster movies all night long.

MY PET GUPPY GOES TO HEAVEN

Bills are up, cash flow is down,

I skip my sup, don't go to town,

And I'm thinking,

This is stinking,

I ate pet gup, poor makes me frown.

ZOMBIE EATS BRAINS

He just rose up from the dead and started eating people's brains,

But after eating all that gray matter, no memories he retains,

I thought it'd be a joke,

If I gave him a finger poke,

Then he chomped down on my forehead, and gave my skull such pains.

WHAT I DO BEST? I MAKE BOOM!

I built a huge rocket and flew it to Mars,

It never got there, but blew up and made stars,

They were all very shinny,

Did not last; just too tiny,

I guess I'll stick to building exploding cars.

CHILI PIES LED TO BYES

I filled my pies with my special chili,

To share with my sig other namely, Willie,

But he didn't like my pies,

Which brought tears in my eyes,

Now I'm alone, with chili pies, calling Billie.

BAD MACKEREL III: REVENGE AND REVOLUTION

Donny bought a can of Mackerel for a special keto diet,

Mackerel tasted just so, so, but Donny thought that he should try it,

The mackerel made Donny's tummy swell,

Until he shaped up like a bell,

Then Donny's stomach got to gurgling, which made Donny's colon have a riot. 

BAD MACKEREL (THE PREQUEL).

Benny the mackerel was awfully bad,

He scared Sid the goldfish and made Sidney sad,

So I sent Benny away,

Out into the bay,

Where he got canned, and I'm glad.

I SWAM ACROSS A POND OF SCUM

I went swimming in a scum-pond, wearing shorts,

My body got covered with black, squishy warts,

I scissored them off,

But developed a cough,

I've been consuming cough syrup by quarts.

BAD MACKEREL

Mostly mackerel was in the can,

Along with stones, and a rubber ban,

It was dry and chunky,

And not cracker dunky,

The fish was all green, and not at all tan.

The Turtle Life For Me

I like laying eggs in the sand,

Biting fingers off a human's hand

A swim in the sea,

Is the life for me,

I'm a turtle, in a shell, like I'm canned.

THE DINO DOGGIE DUEL

My dinosaur, she pogo-sticked,

Until upon her, a dog was sicked,

But she ran away fast,

Dog's pursuit did not last,

It seems that dog was dino-quicked.

WHAT'S IN THE STEW TOO

Me thinks my stew meat was foreign born,
From overhead flypaper the wind doth torn,
But, the stew isn't for me,
So, I'll just leave it be,
And, say the stew meat is really burnt corn.

THE BALLAD OF DINO TEX

I once knew this big bad dinosaur, and his name was Tex,

Tex got in a bar fight, and ate a Tyrannosaurus rex,

Tex was well endowed,

With a voice that was too loud,

He use to be a unicorn, but got a witches hex.

SHE BE MY DINOSAUR

My dinosaur, she ran away,

To the park, where she could play,

She drank some pond water,

Sat on the teeter-totter,

Then slid down the slide; rest of day.