RAY GUNS ARE NOT A TOY

Frosty found he had no fun.

By playing with his hot ray gun,

He vaporized his toe,

He set his leg aglow,

All the way up to his bun.

I KNOWS MY BURGERS

No one knows the hamburgers; the hamburgers I've seen,

Some are full of chunks of fat and some are grizzle-lean,

I like my burgers moist inside,

With dark grill marks displayed with pride,

I want my burgers made with meat without a bit of bean,

WHEN I'M BLOWING SNOW, AND WHY

After all the snow is done blowing,

Then I know I must get going,

Blowing snow with my half brain knowing,

Where my driveway will be showing,

And, save my car from a wrecker towing.

A SAILOR'S SECRET TO AVOIDING DRY SKIN

To my boat I always stay tethered,
For, I tend to fall overboard when I'm weathered,
Not from the winds and the gail,
But, from my keg of dark ale,
I drink ale so my complexion ain't leathered.

I WILL TOAST MY WINTER NUTS, WHEN I BURN MY CHRISTMAS TREE

I groomed this Christmas tree,

It's near pretty as a bee,

It's understood,

That all it's wood,

My fireplace will see.

MARCIE MOE THE REINDEER POEM THREE AND EPIC EPILOGUE

Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Was born on Guy Fawkes Day,
It's a holiday no one cares about,
Like the one the first of May,

Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Wanted to pull old Santa's sleigh,
But, every time he tried her out,
It ended ugly in some way,

So, Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Started a business pulling sleds,
She started by delivering children's toys,
But, made her money delivering meds,

Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Is a billionaire many say,
She lives in Honolulu,
And, told Santa to stick his sleigh.

TODAY I GOT IN THE MAIL

Today I got in the mail,
A bill that was just a big whale,
My teeth started to chatter,
My family done scatter,
I upchucked in the garbage pail.

MARCIE MOE THE REINDEER POEM TWO

When Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Went swimming at the beach,
The other swimmers filled with fear,
A little kid let out a screech,

For Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Looked like a lake monster of yore,
And, all the swimmers ran for high ground,
As Marcie came ashore,

Now, Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Stood dumbfounded, alone on the sand,
Then, a helicopter came and chased Marcie away,
And, from the beach Marcie was banned.


　

THE MAN-EATING ZOMBIE FLAVOR FAVOR

I met a man-eating zombie named Rose,
He had red eyes and a gigantic nose,
He asked me a favor,
To tell him my flavor,
I replied "I taste like jam that grows between toes."

MARCIE MOE THE REINDEER POEM

Marcie Moe the reindeer,
Wanted to pull Santa's sleigh,
So, she hooked herself up in the sleigh gear,
Thinking she'd soon be on her way,

But, Santa told her she couldn't go,
And Marcie asked him why,
Santa said there ain't no show,
Since it's the middle of July.

 

LAME, THE HOLIDAY LIMERICK

Cars are sliding down the road,

Finding trees and getting towed,

And all the new snow,

We give a blow,

It's holidays and credit is owed. 

I GOT HONKED BY MY CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Fast and loose, the Christmas goose chased me across the yard,

Fast and loose, I was chased by that goose, while I wore just a thin leotard,

The goose caught me at last,

I got goose-honked for my past,

When I cheated the goose with a fixed playing card.

HOLIDAY SACRIFICE FOR NAUGHT

We have another holiday,

On presents I will spend my pay,

I'll catch a meal another day,

I sacrifice to hear someone say,

"I need the receipt, to return straight away."

THE TIME TRAVEL PEASANT

My time machine will machine no more,

So, I can't the future or the past explore,

I am stuck in the present,

Like a time travel peasant,

Such a mundane existence, I deplore.

LIVE AT THE COUNTRY OF THE BLIND BAR, GRILL & TAKE-OUT

I went to the "Country of the Blind," where the one-eyed man, he sings,

But, he didn't sing for nothing and you had to pay with blings,

So, all my golden jewelry including my piercings and my rings,

I gladly turned it over and the one-eyed man sings things,

The one eyed-man sings country western  while on tiny bells he dings,

Lastly, the one -eyed man walked off stage, and on his bag of gold, he clings.

 

ARM ACHE=CAKE

I got a shot; it was a booster,

Tasted like chicken; maybe a rooster,

So, I got an arm ache,

Ate a big slice of cake,

It was so good I had a cake twoster.

A BIGFOOT HOLIDAY

I invited for dinner my friend Marvin Hoots,

He brought his family, all of them were bigfoots,

While belching passionately,

They ate my holiday tree,

Then with their trumpets they played me some toots.

HAIRS, PEARS, WOLVES AND BEARS

I went out to pick some juicy pears,

And, had to fight off sixteen bears,

Then, a wolf pack gave me meany stares,

I said, "come get me, I double dares,"

They ate my bod from toes to hairs.

THE PORCELAIN AND RON'S ALMOND NUTS

Ron wanted some peanuts to eat on today,

But, a bag full of almonds sat in the way

So, on the almonds Ron did feast,

Till Ron gassed up like a beast,

Then, the porcelain in the bathroom had to pay.

NERO DRANK TO CAPACITY

Nero drank soda pop all week long,

He would not stop, did not know it was wrong,

But, then late at night,

His bed felt not quite right,

And, his wife wrote him a bed pee pee song.