FRIDAY NIGHT: SHOES, CHAINSAWS AND BEER

Some shoes bend left, some shoes bend right,

Shoes hurt like a chainsaw, if too tight,

My toes come in twos,

To fit left-right shoes,

Shoes take me out for beer and a bite. 

MY DECOMPOSING POEM

When I was laying deep down in the ground,

Many thousands of earthworms came around,

Then the maggots hatched out,

They squirmed all about,

Soon not a trace of me was left to be found.

VONNY FISH WITH BONNETS ON PUMPERNICKEL BREAD

I caught buckets full of Vonny fish, with bonnets on their heads, 

They taste great on a sandwich, made with pumpernickel breads,

Then with cheese and tartar sauce,

I teach the fish, who's boss,

And that's how I earned, my chef fish preparer creds.

NO FOOD FOR MY BELLY, SO I FEED MY BRAIN INSTEAD

I was fishing on the river and snagging all my hooks,

I was always breaking line, and my hooks the river tooks,

I got down on one knee,

And did a prayer for me,

I still lost my hooks, so for supper, I read books.

POSSUMS GET INSIDE

There was a big old opossum, swimming in my bath tub,

His presence didn't bother me, after he gave a back rub,

It was an eye opening find,

Realizing possums were kind,

Then he bit off my ear, because he was hungry for grub.

I CAUGHT FISH LIMERICK

Today I come back from fishing with a load of Rainbow trout,🐟🌈

I usually do real lousy, so today I'm gonna tout,

I fried them in a pan,

Shared them with my partner, Dan,

He can't go fishing because he suffers from the gout.

BIRD FLU

I eat mostly the legs off chicken,

I eat down to the bones, where I find slim pickin,

I drink applesauce,

Till I'm sick and toss,

Bird and fruit cause my belly to sicken.

THE LITTLE CRAWDAD IS ME

The Little Crawdad, that is me,

I swim with the fish in the sea,

When my day is done,

I catch myself one,

So I can have a kipper with tea.

YOU EITHER FISH FOR SUPPER OR WITH SUPPER

My fishing rig,

A plastic worm on a jig,

Caught a fish,

Don't I wish,

Super is a plastic worm and a cig.

I LOST MONEY BETTING ON HORSES, NOW I SERVE THEM AT MY PLACE OF EATS

I cook delicious food while listening to music in c minor,

That's why I call my restaurant "The C Minor Diner",

I use to listen to D Major,

Bet on horseys, lost big wager,

I changed my music and my job, because my mate was a major whiner.

WHEN BETTY GOOSE GOT ON THE LOOSE

I had a cow named Betty Goose,

She became with calf every time she got loose,

Of course the babies I'd steal,

To make myself veal,

Marinated in cranberry juice.

CHICKPEA CHICKEN OF THE SEA SALTS

I got me an old hen, but I ain't got no corn,

So my Cornish hen, I cannot fully adorn,

I got some chickpeas,

And some salt from the seas,

For my chickpea hen, I'll start the oven mid-morn.

CHILI PIES LED TO BYES

I filled my pies with my special chili,

To share with my sig other namely, Willie,

But he didn't like my pies,

Which brought tears in my eyes,

Now I'm alone, with chili pies, calling Billie.

BAD MACKEREL III: REVENGE AND REVOLUTION

Donny bought a can of Mackerel for a special keto diet,

Mackerel tasted just so, so, but Donny thought that he should try it,

The mackerel made Donny's tummy swell,

Until he shaped up like a bell,

Then Donny's stomach got to gurgling, which made Donny's colon have a riot. 

BAD MACKEREL

Mostly mackerel was in the can,

Along with stones, and a rubber ban,

It was dry and chunky,

And not cracker dunky,

The fish was all green, and not at all tan.

WET DOG DINNER

My pet turkey went feral and ate Chewy, the nice dog,

Chewy had six puppies to feed, and pets goldfish and frog,

A bonfire made things seem alright,

We roasted murderer turkey that night,

 But the turkey tasted just like wet dog on a log.

PRETTY PAM OR THE PIG

Terry had a little lamb, named her Pretty Pam

He treated Pretty Pam, like she was some close fam,

Terry did not remember,

To buy groceries in December,

So Terry ate his little lamb, but spared his pig, named Fatso Sam.

DINNER 2+ AND MOO

It might be enough for you,

But I like to eat dinner, two,

And most time I eat three,

The fourth, in front of TV,

Then I nightcap with warm milk from a moo. 

THE BEAVER, PANSY AND FRIENDS

Pansy was a beaver, and she dove for fish all day,

Nancy had a clever, and cleaned fish down by the bay,

Pansy sold Nancy fresh fish,

Chef Helen bought the fish for a dish,

They all loved their work, though the profits were only o.k.

BIRD FEEDER

My little bird gives his feathers tugs,

So he can get a meal of bugs,

He's so shy,

He won't fly high,

Instead he hunts more bugs in my rugs.