THE WEATHER LIMERICK

In the mornings, it's been bone aching cold,

That makes me all grumpy, so I've been told,

But it does always warm,

Before a big lightning storm,

Then under the table, that's where I hold.

CANADIAN FIRES AND I''M MISSING THE FAIR

Horrible air, just about everywhere,

It comes from Canada, it's like breathing hair,

If the lungs get more filled, 

I'm afraid I am killed,

I doubt that I make it to the Fall Harvest Fair.

THE HOME INVADER IN MY BED

I laid my head down on the pillow on top of my bed,

But it was not a pillow, it was a possum instead,

It bit on my face,

Then ran from the place,

Leaving my white sheets, turning very wet and very red.

The Turtle Life For Me

I like laying eggs in the sand,

Biting fingers off a human's hand

A swim in the sea,

Is the life for me,

I'm a turtle, in a shell, like I'm canned.

LIFE IN THE WOODS

A woody was pecking a hole in my door,

A rat was gnawing up through my vinyl floor,

Then a buck and a doe,

Smashed through my window,

Next came the lion that ate me; now I'm sore.

ICICLES: MY DOGGIE AND THE BEAR

My icicles fell off the roof, 

They melted, so I don't have the proof,

They fell on a big bear,

He gave my doggie a scare,

My doggie gave the bear a "woof, woof".

DEAR CAMP THREE (I'M LIP SMACKING GOOD)

I went to deer camp, and a cougar was there,

She ripped out my throat, and there was blood in the air,

I could not utter a word,

And, the last thing I heard,

Were kitty cougar smacking lips at the lair.

GRANDMA AND THE FOUR BEARS

Four bears ate at grandpa's, but he was just a munch,

He was old and skinny and not a satisfying lunch,

But the bears found a winner,

When they ate grandma for dinner,

She was full of whiskey she had laced within her punch.

WHEN THE BEAR BENDS

Bears like to eat people, that's why I have no friends,

My friends went into bear bellies, and came out in piles of twists and bends,

So I decided to befriend bears,

One of my gravest errors,

Now I'm a pile in the forest, and that's where my story ends.

MAN EATERS

If you do not fastly swim,

Then your chances are near grim,

For in Michigan waters,

Live man eater otters,

Best chance is if you're fast and you're slim.

BAD WOOD

Will went out in the forest to carve some wood,

Will found a branch, he carved it good,

He carved a fighting stick,

But a wolf broke it quick,

Then Will was like nana, in Red Riding Hood.

MY NUBS AND THE THREE BEARS

Along came two cutie bear cubs,

They were so cute I gave them intense belly rubs,

Then along came their maw,

She gave me her claw,

The three bears chewed me down to my nubs. 

BEARS

Bears are coming out of their hibernation,

Looking for tourists with a Michigan destination,

And those bears like to eat,

All the fresh tourist meat,

Chugging swamp water for their libation.

HOW I MAKE BEAR SCAT

I fell in a hole on top of a bear, 

He was hibernating, so I didn't scare,

But here's the thing,

I took a nap until spring,

And woke up in the belly of the bear.

HAIRS, PEARS, WOLVES AND BEARS

I went out to pick some juicy pears,

And, had to fight off sixteen bears,

Then, a wolf pack gave me meany stares,

I said, "come get me, I double dares,"

They ate my bod from toes to hairs.

MY SINK GOT MY PINK

I decided to play with my old slinky,

It was sharp and cut off my big pinky,

In less than a blink,

My pink went down the sink,

For the next month my house smelled really stinky.