I STAYED UP WITH FREDDY

I went out to see the super full moon,

I watched it with Freddy, he's a raccoon,

But uncommonly thick,

Was the blood sucking tick,

And you had to dig the critters out with a spoon.

ALIEN DINNER DATE

I dated an alien from Omicron Eat,

They had no arms, but had kick-ass feet,

They made me a meal,

Out of Omicron eel,

With rolls made from Omicron wheat.

PORCH PIRATE HIDE AND SEEK

I spied a pirate on my porch, and he was a sneak,

Before he grabbed my package, he took a gallon leak,

It was the pirate's fate,

The package had great weight,

The pirate could not run fast, and will play justice hide and seek.

PORCH PIRATES ARE REAL, AND THEY KNOW HOW TO STEAL

I caught a porch pirate stealing and he laughed and said, "Aye, Aye,"

Then he grabbed all my packages, and ran saying, "Bye, Bye,"

Then he got into his car,

Drove off to lands distant and far,

I then told all the family, and they went "Cry, Cry."

THE POISONOUS MUSHROOM DIRGE

Poisonous Mushrooms,
Take, bake, intake, forsake,
Bellyache, quake, wake.

SHOES, SOCKS AND STOCKS

I do not have two shoes that fit,

Nor, even matching socks,

For I lost all my money,

When, I put it all in stocks,

My broker told me to buy this and that,

And, blindly I obeyed,

As he became commission fat,

My wallet became thinner as I paid,

Soon, I had no money,

Alas, I even lost my house,

I had to give up my dog Sonny,

When, divorced became my spouse,

  

Now, at least my broker is doing well,

He invested in real estate,

He bought an upscale hotel,

Now, on easy street he'll skate.  

THE LOG IN MY COFFEE

In my cup of coffee I spotted a log,
When I examined it closer I saw a big polliwog,
Then, he said to me,
"I don't like coffee; make tea,"
So, I tossed the ingrate to my hungry dog.

LIL Limerick

There was a sweet lady named Lil,
She worked down at the bar and grill,
She'd do as you please,
With more onions and cheese,
Her burgers were just such a thrill.

I'VE BEEN VANISHED FROM SOCIAL MEDIA, WHO CARES

I was banned from Twitter for saying fake stuff,

Like the moon is pudding and Mars is just made of fluff,

So, for such political wars,

My enemies have evened scores,

So, I'll go on to live on the rough.

MY PET BAT PICKED BAD FRIENDS

My pet bat is loaded with lice,

He hangs out too much with field mice,

Having really bad friends,

Has led my bat to bad ends,

So, before making new friends he'll think twice.
 

THE THRILL OF THE GRILL

I fired up my old rusty gas grill,

Thought for the holiday I'd cook up a thrill,

I cooked burgers and wieners,

For my juveniles and seniors,

And my grilling made everyone ill. 

THE PINK BALLOON

My pink balloon popped in midair,🎈

It gave a bluebird quite the scare,🐦

So, it dropped some poop,

On my front stoop,

Whilst, I was sitting there. 🙄

THE LIGHTNING STRIKE LIMERICK

There came up a lightning storm,

In my country that is the norm,

But, lightning hit me in the head, 

I saw colors green, turquoise and red,

I passed out cold though the lightning was warm.  

THE PONY TAIL PIG

A poke-a-dot pig with a long ponytail,
Would dance until the all floor joists would fail,
She went on a long cruise,
For food, dancing and booze,
But, her weight sank the ship before it set sail.

POOR PUTTY CAT

I spread some tuna on a stick,

But it fell off before I could lick,

The fish drips hit the ground,

And without making a sound,

The cat ate it and then he got sick.

POLO FACE

I went to play polo and go poloed in my face

It hurt really bad, and I got a face brace,

I looked underneath,

And out dropped all my teeth,

And I thought boy, I've got a court case.

THE TITMOUSE PIRATE

The little titmouse flew out to sea,

And boarded a ship in the Pirate Navy,

With the captain to thank,

The titmouse moved up in rank,

To Midshipman in charge of gunnery. 

THE BIG HAIRY DOG LIMERICK

The big hairy dog that lives down the street,

Ran through my garden with his great big feet,

He tore up my pickle vines,

I observed those sad signs,

This year I'll get no pickles to eat.

THERE WAS AN OLD LADY IN KALKASKA

There was an old lady in Kalkaska,
Her kids all moved to Nebraska,
But, once they came home,
They didn’t want to roam,
Nebraska was too cold like Alaska.

WRONG BAKED BREAD

I baked some bread, but baked it wrong,

You cannot break it unless, you are Kong,

I wanted the bread to harden fast,

So, I used cement from yard projects past,

The bread could be a perch for a bird with a song.