PERSONAL DENTAL CARE

I bought some fluoride toothpaste that came in a white, glass jar,

I did not have to squeeze it, so I thought it would go far,

It caught me off my guard,

When the whole jar turned hard,

I now brush with baking soda; my teeth are black as tar.

SCOTT, IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE THAT COUNTS

Scott had ugly bugs coming out his nose,

He had even more nasties,  when he blows,

Scott was meany mean,

Even more, unclean,

Scott had odd things, growing between his toes.

I TOOK A BREAK AND IT HURT

I ate two onion bagels, and that was lunch,

I washed them down with a sweet, raspberry punch,

My teeth were full of ruts,

On break I chewed some nuts,

I shouted "Ouch!", with every single crunch.

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MANGE PUT WORK OUT OF RANGE

I played with my quite doggy, and I caught a case of mange,

Then when I went to work, people looked at me real strange,

Someone made a big fuss,

I got kicked off the bus,

Unfortunately, my work was beyond my walking range.

BETTER HYGIENE FOR ALL

Free Soap, Free Soap, for better hygiene,

To live long and prosper, you must keep yourself clean,

It's not a small token,

To disinfect while you're soakin'

And, wash the undies if you ate too much bean.

FREE PIES FROM STINKY

My neighbor bakes me pies full of beans,

My neighbor's body, he seldom cleans,

I throw the beans far, far away,

Return a clean pan the next day,

I'd remark, but I don't feel the means.

I FINGERED SOMEONE

Someone was picking their nose,

And, wiping it allover their clothes,

Mama got mad,

Nose picker got sad,

I told everyone, and that added to woes.

MY SHOWER ROPE WAS EMPTY

Mason used up all the soap,

So, all I had was an empty rope,

So, I used up his shampoo,

Got even, true,

Now, he won't be telling ma, that I'm just a stupid dope.

THE BRUSH

I found a well used, bristled toothbrush on the floor,

I think the renters left it, who lived here before,

"Finder's, Keeper's", I'd say,

Offsets the rent I pay,

And, saves me a trip to the toothbrush selling store.

THE FEAR OF SOAPS, SHOWERS AND FLOWERS

There was a grocery bagger, named Howard,

Howard was by all measures, a true coward,

He hardly ever used soap and then showered,

His many smells made him feel more empowered,

He feared the soap scent would make him smell flowered.

WHAT LURKS BETWEEN THE TOES

Gym hired a surgeon, who fixed Gym's big nose,

While they were at it, they cleaned between Gym's toes,

The surgeon removed a tick,

And a big green pogo stick,

And a fifty foot, green garden hose.

DEALING WITH PARASITES

In order to get them to act nice,

George made a deal with his little lice,

They could live in his beard,

It wouldn't get shaved or sheared,

And, George would bathe each year, only twice.

BERNARD: I SMELL A LOVE STORY

Bernard's new love interest got Bernard excited,

But Bernard's fixated love, was quite unrequited,

His love called him a sleaze,

Said he smelled like fart cheese,

Bernard took a shower, so one fault could be righted.   

THE BUGGY OLD ELF CAN FINALLY GO HOME

In the month of August, Santa got an itchy, buggy beard,

Santa couldn't go through customs, because his bugs could not get cleared,

Down in Florida, Santa wastes away,

At least, that's what some folks say,

Some say Santa went to a barber, and had his bug beard sheared.

BREATH MINTS MATTER

Jimmy gave Joe some breath mints, and insisted Joe should take them soon,

Because werewolves were attracted to bad breath, and it was a full moon,

But, Joe was cheap,

Thought Jimmy, a creep,

Then Jimmy turned into a werewolf, and Joe and Jimmy began to spoon.

BEN OF NAILS

Ben's toe nails were a yard longer than his feet,

Ben showed them off by walking barefoot down the street,

But, all the neighbors made fun,

Kids would scream and then run,

Ben got his nails trimmed by a manicurist named Pete.  

VISA IS THE TOOTH FAIRY, WHO PAYS NEDDY'S DENTIST BILLS

Neddy had bad tooth decay,

But, he ate his candy, anyway,

When his front tooth popped out,

Neddy had not, any doubt,

He had to see a dentist, and max his credit card to pay.

Tooth Truth

For teeth, there was once was a tube of paste,

It was never touched, and went to waste,

Soon no one had teeth,

They just gumed on their beef, 

It seems not flushing and brushing was decided in haste.

MY BREATH SMELLS LIKE MINTY MUNG BEANS

Canadian smoke fills my mouth and lungs,

It's tastes unpleasant, when trading tongues,

Each Canadian smoke shower,

Makes Honey taste bitter-sour,

I try to improve my breath, by chewing mint and mungs.

JIM'S JOB INTERVIEW IS GOING TO STINK

Jim's French perfume had gone all skunky,

It smelled worse than the pee of his pet monkey,

Jim was due for an appointment,

And had no underarm ointment,

It's a job interview, and Jim's chances are sunky.